Making a real effort and not getting much in return

LegacyUser

Hey folks,

Need your advice on something. I met a girl recently at an event. really hit it off, kept in touch. The only thing is we live at opposite ends of the country. I don't know, we just hit it off and I just told her I liked her and would love to see her again and she agreed and seemed pleased. So I drove down to where she lived and stayed with relatives and we organised a date. Wasn't sure if it was a bit full on to drive down but she assured me it wasn't, and i had a few days off anyway so what the heck i guess. I'd hate to think I made someone uncomfortable so I just made sure in a subtle way before I left. Anyway we had a great few days together. She's really classy and funny and I just love her company.

Thing is, I seem to be the one making all the effort. I usually initiate texts, suggest a phonecall, and when I suggested we meet up again she said yes of course but then just listed out all the things she has to do because she leads a very busy life, which is fair enough obviously. When eventually she suggested a date at a point halfway it just felt like it was going to be for a couple of hours during the day or something.

I'm excited about her but I'm starting to get this growing feeling that she doesn't feel the same, or at least to the same extent. Thats cool too and of course its early days but I feel like I'm missing the buzz of getting to know someone I like. it isn't always like that but it mostly is.

I live alone now and have been single for some time. I want to meet someone and just have company, and talk about new things that I don't talk with my friends about. I want to have that excitement of meeting and getting to know someone. I just don't know if I want to put in all the effort of driving for hours to meet someone who may just be accommodating me rather than being really into it. On the other hand I really like her and I believe in giving something a go if there is a chance it could work out well. I don't feel ready to ask her about this openly cus in fairness we don't know each other that well but I just feel like I don't really know what to do.

Any advice would be much appreciated folks.

LegacyUser

Dear mods,

would it be ok to move this into the relationship thread please?

Cork selfbuild

It seems very early days OP, maybe she is just taking her time to get to know you, not everyone moves at the same speed at the start of a relationship due to a number of different reasons.

As you mention you were single for some time, maybe try not to come across over eager, not saying you do but just a watch out... Also, you said she suggested a date and met half way, that's effort IMO... Dates don't always need to be nighttime / overnight...

I would just take it handy and enjoy how / if the relationship develops into more, and the more she is into it the more she will put in, hopefully!

LegacyUser

Yeah that's fair enough. I'm not bothered at all about the overnight thing would just like to spend a little more time seeing as we're travelling a long way but like you say it's early days!

I think maybe I'll just keep an open mind about it and see what happens. I'm not in any real hurry either I spose!

Cork selfbuild

Ya long(ish) distance relationships provides their own challenges indeed! I get your point about long driving distance, and wanting it not to be too short, maybe suggest an early afternoon activity followed by dinner, that might extend a date...

From what you say she does seem interested and responds positively to your contact, it's hard to know what she is like, of she gets a message does she respond straight away or leave it till later, is she on her phone a lot when with you? This will give some insights to show what she is like...

CaraMay

How long is the drive? It's good she wants to meet you half way but as you already have an issue with the drive, how long can you keep it up? Maybe You would rather find someone closer to home, who you can see more often.

Beanstalk

Thanks for your reply! Oh i don't mind driving at all, and its not too long either! Maybe I should be looking at it a different way. I suppose i was initially disappointed i wouldn't be seeing her for as long a period as i'd hoped but then maybe that disappointment is a positive thing!