Feel like bf offers no emotional support

LegacyUser

Try and stick to the point, just need some advice. My bf isn't the most expressive person in the world and is pretty laid back in general and would be the quieter of the two of us. I feel lately though that he doesn't offer me much support emotionally, don't get me wrong it's not his job to sort my life out or be my counsellor or fix everything but a bit of support would be nice. I asked him to make a phone call for me for an appt I didn't want to go to, I got roped in to making another appt last time I phoned myself, and he wouldn't do it for me. I let him know I was a bit peeved but he then said he was messing(he wasn't)and continued watching telly. A doctor asked me a question about letting him know when I plan on having a baby recently and my bf was like "Oh why would he ask you that" when he knows I have a medical condition which affects fertility. It hurt me that he acted like he doesn't even know what's going on, when this is something we should be dealing with together. I have had some family issues recently and when I speak to my bf about it, I just get "yes", "no", "I don't know", answers. As I said it's not his job to fix it or get involved, but some words of encouragement or support, or god even something would be nice. Am I being really unreasonable?

P. Breathnach

Reading between the lines, I form the impression that you are living together and have an established relationship. If I'm right about that, then I think it is his job to get involved in the issues that make your life difficult and where you would welcome his help. That's an important dimension of what relationships are about: mutual support.

LegacyUser

P. Breathnach wrote: »

Reading between the lines, I form the impression that you are living together and have an established relationship. If I'm right about that, then I think it is his job to get involved in the issues that make your life difficult and where you would welcome his help. That's an important dimension of what relationships are about: mutual support.

We don't live together, but do spend a lot of time together and have been together over 3 years.

P. Breathnach

Feelingalone wrote: »

We don't live together, but do spend a lot of time together and have been together over 3 years.

That should be a sufficient basis for you to expect him to be emotionally supportive; you should also have a reasonable expectation of some practical help in dealing with problems life throws at you.

If he is not interested in making your life a bit nicer for you, then he is underperforming as a boyfriend.

In my opinion, of course!

LegacyUser

P. Breathnach wrote: »

That should be a sufficient basis for you to expect him to be emotionally supportive; you should also have a reasonable expectation of some practical help in dealing with problems life throws at you.

If he is not interested in making your life a bit nicer for you, then he is underperforming as a boyfriend.

In my opinion, of course!

Yeah I got an apology message earlier, telling me he's so sorry for being selfish and he loves me more than anything and would do anything to make me happy. I feel like it's just words though.

Toast4532

Myself and my boyfriend are together two years and although we don't live together we do see each other every day.

Whenever I need him for anything, support etc, he is always there, I never have to ask. If I am upset over something, he's there in a flash.

You need to sit down with him and talk to him. Tell him you don't feel that he means what he says. It's better to do it in person then via text messages, texts are impersonal and often things are misinterpreted.

It's possible he does mean what he said in the text, but it didn't come across that way, so you need to speak to him. You know him better than strangers on the internet, so you'll know how sincere he is if you speak to him in person about this.

LegacyUser

Toast4532 wrote: »

Myself and my boyfriend are together two years and although we don't live together we do see each other every day.

Whenever I need him for anything, support etc, he is always there, I never have to ask. If I am upset over something, he's there in a flash.

You need to sit down with him and talk to him. Tell him you don't feel that he means what he says. It's better to do it in person then via text messages, texts are impersonal and often things are misinterpreted.

It's possible he does mean what he said in the text, but it didn't come across that way, so you need to speak to him. You know him better than strangers on the internet, so you'll know how sincere he is if you speak to him in person about this.

The reason I feel it is just words is because he's apologised before, but nothing has changed.

LegacyUser

What age are you both and how is the relationship otherwise?

Toast4532

Feelingalone wrote: »

The reason I feel it is just words is because he's apologised before, but nothing has changed.

Then talk to him again and make it clear his behaviour upsets you, and having apologised, he hasn't changed his behaviour.

If he won't listen or change, you need to decide if you can put up with it for as long as you are together, and if you can't/won't put up with it, maybe you are better off ending this relationship and in time finding someone who will emotionally support you.

I don't mean to sound harsh, and apologise if I do. Ending a relationship is never easy, but staying in a relationship and remaining unhappy is no good for either person.

LegacyUser

paddy1987 wrote: »

What age are you both and how is the relationship otherwise?

Late twenties, pretty good but have had some problems recently

LegacyUser

Toast4532 wrote: »

Then talk to him again and make it clear his behaviour upsets you, and having apologised, he hasn't changed his behaviour.

If he won't listen or change, you need to decide if you can put up with it for as long as you are together, and if you can't/won't put up with it, maybe you are better off ending this relationship and in time finding someone who will emotionally support you.

I don't mean to sound harsh, and apologise if I do. Ending a relationship is never easy, but staying in a relationship and remaining unhappy is no good for either person.

No your not being harsh, your dead right.

Toast4532

If you are having other problems, as well as him not emotionally supporting you, is relationship counselling an option for you both? Or counselling individually even?

LegacyUser

What are your other problems? Do you want to break up with him?