Feeling very depressed...need help :(

NewCityBoy

I know I've posted on here before but to no avail so I'll give it another shot.

I've been living in Cork city for a few months now...I have a great job that I enjoy so everything's good on that front but my social life is literally non-existent.

I have 1 or 2 friends back in my home town but now that I'm living in the city I want some friends here. I'm fed up of coming home after work and having no one to give a call to or go for a drink with and I hate not being able to go out at the weekends and it's now got to the stage where I'm starting to think wants the point of even being alive and I hate thinking that way

Gadgie

I think you got some really good advice on your previous threads, and I don't really know how you expect to make friends if you don't put yourself out there a bit.

cnn27

Gadgie wrote: »

I think you got some really good advice on your previous threads, and I don't really know how you expect to make friends if you don't put yourself out there a bit.

I don't really think that's fair to the OP, I know it's easy to suggest someone should get out and join clubs etc, but sometimes groups aren't that welcoming to new members, and just going along to a group/club that meets once a week/month doesn't mean that you'll find a ready-made circle of new friends there either. Plus there isn't really that wide a variety of groups in Cork, especially for gay people. (I've just moved back to Cork myself so I know this from my own experience).

Newcityboy, I've sent you a PM, and was wondering as well if it would maybe be worth trying to organize a meet-up in Cork like the monthly meeting in Dublin, if other people were interested.

Daith

Is it possible to get up to Dublin when the guys here organize the meetups? From what I've read everything about the meetups seems really positive and you could easily stay in a hostel for the night etc.

This is what my country friends did when I first ended up making friends with them.

Clubs and socs will always have groups of friends who do things outside the club but you can end up meeting people who are in the same situation.

Ambersky

NewCityBoy its good you are reaching out even if it is just to a forum like this. Previous posters have offered good suggestions and contact.
It can be difficult to get out there and meet new people in new situations depending on your frame of mind. You did mention that sometimes you even try to find the point of being alive. If and hopefully when you do meet those new people you will probably feel much better. In between times like these can be incredibly difficult. So in the meantime and in case you ever need help dont forget there are helplines all over the country some of whom have people there to talk to you ever day and night of the week. Please dont let those feelings of hopelessness take over, talk to someone.
Here is a list of organisations you may find helpful at some time
http://www.headstrong.ie/content/getting-help-0#04

akaspike

New City Boy, you posted on Sunday, did you have the Sunday blues? What did you get up to at the weekend? You have yet to come back and respond to the help given on the forum.(i haven't seen/read your previous post) I’m not trying to be smart, but effort is needed here.
There is alot of people in the same situation as yourself - giving advice, have you acted on it? Look, if the city you live in isn't helping, why not spend a weekend where it is?, you mention you have a great job, i guessing you can afford a weekend away, why not save up each month and visit your friends (Ireland isn't that big.. or pop to England - it’s probably the same price.) The thing is, (i’m not sure what age you are) but sometimes we lose contact with our childhood friends, but you know what, no matter how long you spend apart, sometimes it feels like it was yesterday when you last spoke to them. You and them will get on with your life and live it how you/they see fit, but when you’s meet, all will be the same, thats if yous are close, if not then why bother going back to see them.
Live how you see fit. (you don't need to worry about real friends as long as you treat them right - never say goodbye on a sour note.. never) Always remember the good times. Because thats how they remember you.
Did this bring up a memory? If so, call that friend and say hi, Call them over or tell them that your going to visit. Do it, Talk to them - about how your feeling because they know you more than us, and now you know, we cant fix anything unless you do it. So reach out. Trust me - but you need to make an effort!

Chazz Michael Michaels

NewCityBoy wrote: »

I know I've posted on here before but to no avail so I'll give it another shot.

I've been living in Cork city for a few months now...I have a great job that I enjoy so everything's good on that front but my social life is literally non-existent.

I have 1 or 2 friends back in my home town but now that I'm living in the city I want some friends here. I'm fed up of coming home after work and having no one to give a call to or go for a drink with and I hate not being able to go out at the weekends and it's now got to the stage where I'm starting to think wants the point of even being alive and I hate thinking that way

meetup.com

ongarboy

cnn27 wrote: »

I don't really think that's fair to the OP, I know it's easy to suggest someone should get out and join clubs etc, but sometimes groups aren't that welcoming to new members, and just going along to a group/club that meets once a week/month doesn't mean that you'll find a ready-made circle of new friends there either.

I would very much think it's a small minority that finds a ready made group of friends anywhere. Making friends involves effort and friends nearly always start as acquaintances or strangers. By making an effort to be sociable with other strangers in a club, society, interest group, volunteering group, at work etc, they at least no longer become strangers. You usually then find yourself learning more about those other people and end up being drawn to those you find easier to converse with or have something in common. Over time, friendships can then be established and would not have to be limited to club get togethers only. It's not a case of trying the club and quitting if you don't make friends instantly. Join a club that you have a natural interest in what they offer and let the making friends part become the bonus.

Yes it's harder if you're not established in an area, new to the group, introverted etc but that is where the effort comes in. I really think the clique mentality you caution against is an exception rather than a rule in the vast majority of clubs as long as you make an effort to be friendly and sociable.

I'd be interested to know why OP said the advice given in previous theads was of no avail. Did he attempt any of the suggestions offered? A Cork equivalent of the Dublin meet up sounds like a good idea. I'm sure other Cork based posters would participate if someone starts the organising.