Are my parents using me?

LegacyUser

I am 25 and have recently got my final marks from college (this week), fortunately I got all my exams. However I have been meaning to go into college and discuss all my options with various lecturers etc and discuss and figure out when my conferrings are. I recently signed on the dole, because I have no money and I cannot find work, I am also living at home. Since I instantly signed on last week I now I have to fork out 200 euro a month to my parents, even though I have nothing in the bank account and I am doing a part time course now which is going to cost me between 490 and 790 euro, so I am lucky to come out with even 90 euro a week. I am trying to save up to do a masters or emigrate but now I am worried that I will never have the opportunity.

Whats more to boot, besides paying my parents rent, I have been constantly doing jobs for them since I got my results that I have no experience of doing because they don't want to pay for professionals; painting the house, landscaping etc, (the list goes on).

Are my parents taking advantage of me or am I just being selfish?

Esoteric_

TheProdgialFils wrote: »

I am 25 and have recently got my final marks from college (this week), fortunately I got all my exams. However I have been meaning to go into college and discuss all my options with various lecturers etc and discuss and figure out when my conferrings are. I recently signed on the dole, because I have no money and I cannot find work, I am also living at home. Since I instantly signed on last week I now I have to fork out 200 euro a month to my parents, even though I have nothing in the bank account and I am doing a part time course now which is going to cost me between 490 and 790 euro, so I am lucky to come out with even 90 euro a week. I am trying to save up to do a masters or emigrate but now I am worried that I will never have the opportunity.

Whats more to boot, besides paying my parents rent, I have been constantly doing jobs for them since I got my results that I have no experience of doing because they don't want to pay for professionals; painting the house, landscaping etc, (the list goes on).

Are my parents taking advantage of me or am I just being selfish?

Honestly no, I don't think they're taking advantage. It works the same way in my parents' home - as soon as you have an income, you contribute. I started working at 15, so started paying them at 15. When I was on the dole and living with them, I got 144 on the dole and gave them 50, along with doing lots of work around the house when I wasn't applying for jobs.

It's fairly normal that you should contribute to the house now that you have an income.

Emme

TheProdgialFils wrote: »

I am 25 and have recently got my final marks from college (this week), fortunately I got all my exams. However I have been meaning to go into college and discuss all my options with various lecturers etc and discuss and figure out when my conferrings are. I recently signed on the dole, because I have no money and I cannot find work, I am also living at home. Since I instantly signed on last week I now I have to fork out 200 euro a month to my parents, even though I have nothing in the bank account and I am doing a part time course now which is going to cost me between 490 and 790 euro, so I am lucky to come out with even 90 euro a week. I am trying to save up to do a masters or emigrate but now I am worried that I will never have the opportunity.

Whats more to boot, besides paying my parents rent, I have been constantly doing jobs for them since I got my results that I have no experience of doing because they don't want to pay for professionals; painting the house, landscaping etc, (the list goes on).

Are my parents taking advantage of me or am I just being selfish?

If you lived away from home you would pay far more than €200 a month. It is only fair to help your parents out with various jobs such as painting, landscaping if you are living at home. This will benefit you later on as you will be able to do those jobs yourself when you get your own home as opposed to paying a professional.

Are you entitled to rent allowance? If you're not happy with the situation sit down and add up how much you would end up with living at home and paying your parents €200 a month versus getting rent allowance (if applicable) and paying for food, electricity, gas etc.

Do you pay for your own food or do your parents feed you? If they feed you then they're definitely not fleecing you. €50 a month is very reasonable for food, heating and electricity. If you can't save for your course out of what money you have left talk to your parents and see if you can come to an arrangement over that.

The reality is that many people who have worked for years have nothing left over at the end of the month after paying their bills. You are luckier than you think.

ted1

what there doign is makign sure you don't sit on your ass adn get comfortable.

as you drawign the dole and your 25 you may be abel to get your masters paid for.

look up student finances, theres plenty of grants etc, heres one scheme

http://www.springboardcourses.ie/Help/SpringboardEligibility.aspx

granted you may not have worked before and are not elgible but there are other schemes

Big Bag of Chips

No, you are 25 years old. An adult. And should now be paying your way in the world.

I don't know too many houses where they hire people in to paint and landscape. Especially when one member of the house is unemployed and available to do these jobs instead. They are pretty basic jobs that any adult, and most teenagers are capable of doing without much training.

€50 a week is not a lot. Your parents have been very good to you for 25 years. You seem to have had it easy enough, in that while you were studying they allowed you the time to concentrate on that. Now you have (some) money, and free time so of course you should be helping out, both financially and practically at home.

The dole is supposed to give you enough money for a basic standard of living. It's not designed to give you enough for you to live and save a healthy chunk too.

I think rather than thinking your parents are "using" you, you should see it that they are helping you make the transition from dependent child to independent adult. You will leave home someday, and will need all these skills, budgeting, housework and maintenance etc. Isn't it better to learn them at home where you have a safety net, rather than out in the "big bad world" where you will be expected to go it alone.

€50 a week is absolutely nothing, OP, and €90 a week is more than enough to live on. I'm on the dole at the moment and once rent, bills, and a loan I'm paying back are taken away, I live on €50. This pays for my food and any necessities that come up, especially if I am smart about where I shop. Sure, there are no luxuries, but you don't really need them.

Your parents are not taking advantage of you and, if anything, are doing you a favour. At 25, you should definitely be looking into moving out.

Meauldsegosha

TheProdgialFils wrote: »

I am 25 and have recently got my final marks from college (this week), fortunately I got all my exams. However I have been meaning to go into college and discuss all my options with various lecturers etc and discuss and figure out when my conferrings are. I recently signed on the dole, because I have no money and I cannot find work, I am also living at home. Since I instantly signed on last week I now I have to fork out 200 euro a month to my parents, even though I have nothing in the bank account and I am doing a part time course now which is going to cost me between 490 and 790 euro, so I am lucky to come out with even 90 euro a week. I am trying to save up to do a masters or emigrate but now I am worried that I will never have the opportunity.

Whats more to boot, besides paying my parents rent, I have been constantly doing jobs for them since I got my results that I have no experience of doing because they don't want to pay for professionals; painting the house, landscaping etc, (the list goes on).

Are my parents taking advantage of me or am I just being selfish?

This made me laugh until I realised the OP was 25. It is something I'd expect a teenager to post. Welcome to the real world, adults have to pay their way. Giving your parents €50 a week is not a lot. If you were living outside the family home you would be spending a lot more on rent and bills. Doing household chores is not much to ask if you are not doing anything else. Your parents are doing you a favour by asking you to contribute to the house both financially and physically.

To answer your questions - Are your parents taking advantage, No they're not. Are you being selfish, maybe not selfish but you do need to take off the rose-tinted glasses you are wearing.

LegacyUser

OP, are you serious? How long do you think your parents should be expected to subsidise your life choices?

Honestly, I have major opposition to parents being expected to fund the education costs of 22 year olds, let alone anyone older. At 25 I'd expect my kids to be well able to fund their own choices.

As for the painting, landscaping? Are you honestly saying you'd prefer your parents to pay for contractors to do this work while you look on? Do you not have any gratitude for all the years they spent looking after you and catering for your requirements? Do

iusedtoknow

agree with the above. You're parents are in the right here..

Through college I was not expected to contribute financially to the family, but was expected to do things around the house when my parents couldn't get to them (the lawn was always mowed, some saturday's were spend in the garden with my dad trimming hedges etc. I worked Thursday/Friday/Sunday evenings through college.

In the summer's I was to contribute E30 to the house, and expected to pay my registration fee myself.

Once I finished college, I had some savings etc, and as soon as I found a full time job, was expected to pay E80 a week, which included room, food etc. Definitely not too much to ask. I was also expected to still help out in the garden as needed.

I didn't begrudge this at all - i lived at home for 6 years after school finished, there was always food in the fridge, I had no real restrictions (aside from if i was staying out super late to let them know etc). It taught me a lot about the value of paying my way.

3 days before I moved to Spain to live with my GF, there was a cheque for what I had contributed over the time (BA/MA) - they said as a mark of appreciation that I never once complained about having to contribute.

Big Bag of Chips

And just on another note, OP. You will need to get used to budgeting. Nobody leaves education and ends up in a cushy job on great pay. You will have a good few years ahead of you of scrimping and saving and waiting for payday with only a tenner in your pocket for the last week!

My husband is 40, and I'm a few years younger and it is only now we are getting organised and comfortable with our money.

It takes years. So rather than feel you are hard done by by not having loads of disposable income, it's time to realise you are like every other person starting out.. Penniless!

It's not for ever, but it is a necessary step that everyone has to go through when they are just starting their employment career. (Except for those born with the 'silver spoon' of course )

Call Me Jimmy

I'm in a very similar situation (minus the wanting further education) and that is exactly what my parents have been charging me, even since before I actually got the dole. So when I did I owed them and each week I owe them 50.

I never questioned it really because besides anything, if I was living anywhere else I'd have to pay quite a bit more. I don't think your parents are taking advantage. Maybe if they charged 150 a week leaving you with 30 you'd have a problem.

moochers

When I was 12 I used to do a paper round with my friend, we used to split the 3.50, I gave my Mum 75p and kept the pound for myself.

When I left home to go to college, I had to pay all bills and rent myself out of the money I earned from a part/time job.

Agree with the other posts, you cannot expect to stay at home with your parents rent/bill free. Why don't you try looking for a job to help you save towards your M.A or for travel. There are always jobs in restaurants and shops particularly coming up to Christmas.

MagicMarker

Yes OP, you're being selfish. That 200 quid you're handing up likely doesn't cover the food that keeps your belly full, the electricity that keeps you warm at night and the telly that entertains you daily. Not to mention your mammy cooking the Sunday roast and washing your underwear.

Cop on and count yourself lucky.

OP, you are incredibly sheltered if you think you're getting a bad deal here.

I was expected to do all those jobs when I was in secondary school and couldn't find a summer job (we lived in the middle of nowhere). When I left for college at 18, I was expected to pay my own way, with a small contribution from my parents towards the rent. I'm just a bit older than you and I've probably been paying the best part of 1000 euro a month to cover rent, bills and food for the last 8 years. You're complaining about paying your parents a fifth of that? When presumably they let you live rent-free while you were studying? You seriously need to cop on and realise how much they've done for you.

Neyite

TheProdgialFils wrote: »

Whats more to boot, besides paying my parents rent, I have been constantly doing jobs for them since I got my results that I have no experience of doing because they don't want to pay for professionals; painting the house, landscaping etc, (the list goes on).

Are my parents taking advantage of me or am I just being selfish?

You are selfish. I've been helping to paint the house since I was about 9, I've done my own laundry since then too. I've done the dishes since I was able to reach the sink standing on a chair. I've helped with the turf and hay and in the vegetable garden. I've mowed the lawn as soon as I was old enough to push the lawnmower. It was expected that everyone in the house pulled their weight with diy and chores.

When I was 14 I got my first babysitting job and had to hand up a certain amount of it, and continued to do so while I lived at home and brought home a wage. It may very well be with your parents as in my case that they put the money aside for me for when I needed it - a lump sum to get a car and insurance for my first proper job. You never know they might be doing the same and putting it aside for your masters.

I guarantee that if you tried to even feed yourself to the standard you have at home on the money you hand up, it wouldn't stretch that far. Thats not even including the electricity /heat/ broadband that you use.

I've shared with people whose parents did absolutely everything for them, and they were total pains - leaving immersion or heat on 24/7, burning pots and pans and not even attempting to clean them, never cleaning the bathroom or floors, stiffing the rest of us on rent and bills, one even memorably rang the landlord to replace a light bulb! You may not realise it, but your parents are doing you a big favour, even if in my opinion, they are at least 15 years too late with some of it.

Paddy Cow

Your parents are not using you. €50 wouldn't even cover your rent if you had to move into houseshare. Even if it ends up costing you the higher end of €790 for your course you are not doing badly. €90 is a lot of disposable income to have on the dole.

Lenmeister

lol... I'm in a similar situation except that €90 you have to spend each week, mine goes on house bills. Get real. You'd easily pay €400+ a month rent elsewhere before bills. You're seriously 25 and asking this? I don't even go for a drink much with friends because I can't afford it. I started work at 15 and gave my mother money.

Yes it can be hard to accept the situation you're in sometimes but you're almost finished college. Just get your education done on what little you have, then get a fulltime job doing ANYTHING, save, then emmigrate.

Horrid Henry

Yeah, you're not being used at all OP.

Your folks are spot on...teaching you the value of money and that there's no such thing as a free lunch.

CaraMay

It always amazes me that grown adults begrudge paying their own parents for room and board. How long exactly do you think they should baby you for op? Is 25 years not more than enough to live for free?