Manic depression and trying to be the best mum I can be

LegacyUser

So I came to realisation today (ironic hey) that I may be a manic depressive. There's not anything that anyone can do, not even me! I feel like my life is now going to be full of shameful behaviour. I already regret half of my teen years and early twenties. I've made so many bad choices.
I'm going to suffer for the rest of my life and there's nothing I can do.

The worst bit is I have two children who don't deserve this,
I feel like I am screwing their lives up just by being here. Every time I get irrate with them I sit at night asking myself why do I keep shouting at them and promise myself I won't ever do it again. But I do. I try my very best to keep my cool but I'm not
Coping at all. I'm a lost forgetful idiot.
I have been crying all evening, my son asked me
Why and I said i just had itchy eyes. But he's started to cop setting isn't right with his mum.
And it's breaking my heart to the point where I think they are better off
Without me. They deserve so much better than me
I work full time...I have to! I have to pay rent and bills.Im a single parent and it was my choice to leave with the kids. i thought it was for the best but it was probably down to manic depression.

I feel like giving up. I am so ashamed of mysel!

Big Bag of Chips

OP, unfortunately, for now I have to lock your thread. If you are having suicidal thoughts then I'm afraid nobody here is qualified to help you. It would be irresponsible of us to allow your thread to remain open, and maybe have an off the cuff remark from another poster cause you more upset than you are already feeling.

Please take a look at some of the links below specifically this:
https://www.turn2me.org/ - registered rep on boards contactable at turn2me.org - reference thread from Dav.

turn2me.org are a registered representative here on Boards.ie where you can contact someone directly via the PM facility who is qualified to help you better than any poster here can.


http://www.nosp.ie/ (national suicide prevention)
1Life Suicide Prevention Helpline - 1800 247 100
http://www.pieta.ie/

I honestly wish you well. You are obviously trying very hard to stay strong for your children's sake, but there is a specific strength in asking for help. Please reach out to someone from the above list. Help is available for you, you just need to know where to find it.

Take care

turn2me.org

Hello Polarbearproblems,

I work at Turn2me, an online mental health organisation who assists Boards.ie members with any problems concerning their well-being which can arise from time to time.

It sounds as though you are experiencing a very difficult period in your life and I really do take on board both your concerns regarding the possibility of experiencing bipolar disorder as well as how painful this all is for you in relation to being a parent who is trying her best for both herself and her kids. I think you are to be commended for reaching out here for support and we'd like to help you with this.

Firstly, I'd like to suggest that, despite your own self-diagnosis concerning bipolar disorder/manic depression, it seems like a really good idea for you to be properly assessed by a mental health professional to find out if it is this kind of problem - or indeed another - which is making life hard for you at the moment. The first port of call in doing this would most likely be your own GP. He/she can initially assess your problems and refer you on to another person who specialises in such assessments (and any resulting diagnoses) and can offer you further care at that point. Would you be willing to visit your GP quite soon in order for this to happen? If not, what might be stopping you from doing this, if you don't mind me asking?

Secondly, we have a range of services on offer to the general public at Turn2me.org These include online support forums, online support groups/OSGs, counselling, a mood-tracking tool called 'Thought Catcher', as well as mental health information. We also offer something called the 'Engage Programme' (a mix of a number of our services over an 8-week period), though this would only be suitable in your case if you have also been assessed by your GP/another mental health professional first of all and he/she is of the view that this would be suitable for you.

We really would like to support you through this difficult time and I would encourage you to contact me at: eoin@turn2me.org so that you can get the assistance you deserve - emailing me will also mean that this can be done privately if you'd prefer not to respond here publicly. Would you send me an email to let me know how things are for you when you get a chance just so that we can help and I can offer you some support at this time? I hope you do.

I wish you the very best. You/we do not know yet what the exact nature of your difficulties are and getting that proper assessment as well as some support from us alos is something you deserve and which may well be of some help to you (I'm a counselling psychologist, by the way, in case you might like to know my own background in all of this).

I hope to hear from you soon.

Eoin (Turn2me.org)

Big Bag of Chips

Polarbearproblems, if you are a registered user of Boards.ie you can PM turn2me.org directly. If you would rather not register you can contact them through their website www.turn2me.org or at the email address Eoin has given you.

If there is anything else you wish to add to the thread then please contact any of the Personal Issues Mods in confidence and we can help you with that.