Lack of generosity from boyfriend

advice needed

Can somebody help me out here? I have been going out with a guy for almost a year now. We have lots of fun together, are interested in a lot of the same things and just get along really well. But there is one thing about him that annoys the hell out of me. He never shows any generosity towards me. He has never paid to take me out to dinner. It is always 50/50. In fact he will often put down less that half his share which drives me mad (although I have never said it to him and just foolishly paid the rest).



Don’t get me wrong I think it is fine to be usually split but it would mean the world to me if just sometime he treated me to a dinner. Like the other day I drove over 100 miles to see him up and down in one day and he didn’t even pay for dinner even though I spent over 60 euro on diesel and parking. Even on our very first date he didn’t offer to pay. He is not short on cash and has a good job so that is not the issue. Its not just the monetary side of things. Its what is represents.... He also lacks other gentlemanly traits such as opening or holding open a door for me or just showing that he appreciates me with selfless acts.



Am I completely outdated in my beliefs? I can’t help the fact that this really annoys me about him and I am really starting to feel that he is selfish and just takes me for granted. I really want our relationship to work as we get on great together. Sometimes I guess I just don’t feel appreciated. He says he loves me but I never see the actions to go with this…. Should I bring it up with him and if so how??? If it matters we are both in our late 20’s.

Beruthiel

advice needed wrote: »

He never shows any generosity towards me.

Have you shown any towards him?

He has never paid to take me out to dinner. It is always 50/50.

And you expect him to pay for all of it?
Why? Because you're a woman?
We fought for our independence and equality. In this country, we mostly have it (bar some obvious outstanding issues). We should be grateful of that fact.

In fact he will often put down less that half his share which drives me mad (although I have never said it to him and just foolishly paid the rest).

If it bothers you say something, he's not a mind reader.

Don’t get me wrong I think it is fine to be usually split but it would mean the world to me if just sometime he treated me to a dinner.

Again, I don't understand this way of thinking.
Personally, for me, I would be extremely uncomfortable if I allowed a man pay for my share of anything.

That is not the definition of love.
How he treats you is what is important here.
How he behaves towards you.
Seems to me he treats you as an equal.

kylith

You're not outdated, but you are being taken for granted. He will continue to get away with this for as long as you'll let him.

If you don't mind paying half your share you need to be more pro-active in dividing the total, don't let him get away with paying less than his share. To be honest the fact that he has never once taken you out and treated you to a meal is very strange.

Tell him that you feel you're being taken for granted, point out that you did a 100 mile round trip and he couldn't even be bothered to take you for a bowl of pasta. If he makes an effort to change his ways then that's good, if he doesn't; get out before you wind up as a cautionary tale in the 'stingiest thing you've seen' thread in AH.

matt-dublin

have you treated him to anything OP?

sounds like he's just a modern man apart from being a little shy around the split bill. its not always up to the man to show generosity.

kylith

Beruthiel wrote: »

And you expect him to pay for all of it?
Why? Because you're a woman?
We fought for our independence and equality. In this country, we mostly have it (bar some obvious outstanding issues). We should be grateful of that fact.

Again, I don't understand this way of thinking.
Personally, for me, I would be extremely uncomfortable if I allowed a man pay for my share of anything.

That is not the definition of love.
How he treats you is what is important here.
How he behaves towards you.
Seems to me he treats you as an equal.

I take my OH out for dinner occasionally, and he takes me out occasionally, other times we spilt the bill. It all works out equal in the end. Holding a door open for your SO isn't inequality, it's manners, and if he doesn't do so much as that it says a lot about how he sees her.

Toast4532

Hi OP,

I can see your point and do understand where you are coming from, and I do that sometimes it would be nice if he would treat you, etc. However, have you treated him? Eg: taken him out for dinner, paid for a cinema trip etc?

Myself and my boyfriend split things 50/50 most of the time, but then sometimes he will pay and then the next time I will pay etc. we take it in turns so it's never one of us always paying.

Have you said any of this to him? If not, you should. He isn't a mind reader. If you haven't said anything to him, maybe he is under the impression that you are happy as things are.

If you have spoken to him and he's ignored you or refuses to change, then maybe have a long hard think about whether you can accept and put up with this behaviour as long as you are together.

rovoagho

I treat my wife all the time, but if I had thought it was expected of me, I would have dropped her like a stone before it went very far.

If you want to be treated every once in a while, treat him once in a while. If he doesn't respond in kind, ask him why. If you feel he's not paying his fair share, tell him.

Doesn't anybody talk any more? Do people really think asking the internet is better than a bit of a chat?

advice needed

Thanks for the replies guys. I think what bothers me the most is that he has never once taken me out. I have always been quite an independant woman and I guess he could think that it would be an insult possibly if he offered to take me out or treat me to something??

I have often done special things for him although I think it often just kind of washes over him.

We do talk alot but this is something which I feel uncomfortable about. I asked here as I am unsure how to bring it up without sounding like I am a scrounger. It is not about the money as I said it is the actions or lack of them that bother me. It would be nice to have the door held open every once in a while...... Feminist or not.....

LegacyUser

Same problem here. Going out with bf for 1 year.

I don't mind and in fact I insist going 50/50 but sometimes it is just ridiculous - like down to 1 or 2 euro. (He says, "I'm putting 9 euro here instead of 10 because the other day I paid 1 euro more for the taxi")

I think it's bizarre. I enjoy buying drinks for my friends/for him, or offering to pay for dinner/gigs if a friend/him is short on money that month, and like you, I've spent ridiculous amounts of money on other things for him that he doesn't seem to realise that cost money - random cute gifts, loads of petrol to visit his extended family all over the country, presents for them, nice wine and food when he is visiting etc etc.

Like your bf, he is far from being short of money.

I just think, if we are going to have a future together, surely every meal becoming a math problem to be solved is a bit tiring...!

A few times I got annoyed and said, "you know what, never mind, I'll just put it all on my credit card" - but he doesn't accept that either. Sigh.

I did mention it a few times, but he didn't really change. And if I actually have to ask for someone to show generosity, than what is the point, really?

Celly Smunt

Would you be offended if he expected you to take him out?

You shouldnt expect him to take you out and pay for everything.If he is to his own knowledge paying less than his half then you have a problem, if its unknown to him then its not really his fault.

DaisyD2

Lets take the male/female relationship out of equation for a second.

I have two friends living either end of country, one has family/job commitments other is commuting long distances up to Dublin for work so if we have get togethers its usually me that has to go to them. Petrol, time, effort, organising etc. now I would never go empty handed either but due to remoteness of 1 location I would usually meet at a pub/coffee shop & follow friend home - she would never let me buy the coffee as its an appreciation of fact that she knows I've gone out of my way to accomodate her.

Same with other friend, used to pick her up after work & head down country for girly night & she would always insist on paying for takeaway, videos etc. I might still of offered but was always shot down. Its what Friends do.

I don't think theres anything wrong with doors and equality & splitting bills but if not even leaving half his share or no acknowledgment of my driving 2hrs by offering to buy dinner happened more than once there would definitely be a conversation.

Some people are just stingy & personally thats a deal breaker for me but it first has to be brought to other persons attention so they can change it if they want too

As to how to bring it up, I would start with a jokey reference next time you travel (& theres bound to be a next time by sounds of it) 100miles to visit "well dinners on you then" or if he does not put down full 50/50 (as matter of interest does he tip? Not tipping good service is a big red flag for me) sit waiting & looking at him until he does

Emme

advice needed wrote: »

Even on our very first date he didn’t offer to pay.

Fair enough, most couples go 50:50 these days but often a guy will pay on the first date, particularly if he asked the girl out. This guy was letting you know where you stood from the beginning. He's earning, you're earning so you go 50:50. What's the problem?

advice needed wrote: »

In fact he will often put down less that half his share which drives me mad (although I have never said it to him and just foolishly paid the rest).

How much less than half does he pay and do you sometimes do that as well? Don't fall out over 50 cents or even 2 euro if you take it in turns to make up the extra. If he leaves his half short by 5 euro or more on a regular basis and you ALWAYS make up the shortfall I would have a problem. If it happens again put down your half and no more, then say to him "I think we're short X amount, have you got that?" Maybe he leaves a tip and thinks that's his way of making up the 50%.

advice needed wrote: »

Like the other day I drove over 100 miles to see him up and down in one day and he didn’t even pay for dinner even though I spent over 60 euro on diesel and parking.

Does he ever do the same and you still expect him to go halves?

advice needed wrote: »

He is not short on cash and has a good job so that is not the issue. Its not just the monetary side of things. Its what is represents.... He also lacks other gentlemanly traits such as opening or holding open a door for me or just showing that he appreciates me with selfless acts.

Maybe he grew up in a house where men were encouraged to be equal in all things. Or maybe he's just tight.

Meanness isn't just financial, it can be shown in a man's behaviour towards his partner and everyone else. Is he mean with his time? How does he treat his friends, family and people in general? He may have a good job but maybe he is trying to mind his money on account of the recession (aren't we all?). Would you be happy to cook dinner for him and let him spend money on fuel to drive to your place?

If he's mean financially and also mean-spirited you might be better off with someone else.

Merkin

I'm not going to wave the equality and female emancipation flag here as I think most people would like to feel appreciated and spoilt from time to time regardless of gender. It doesn't take a grand gesture to make you feel treated a little either. Mr. Merkin spoils me and I spoil him, you want to do that for someone you love.

If you want my honest opinion he sounds like an out and out tight-arse. I agree with Kylith, after driving all that way it would take nothing for him to treat you to a bite to eat or what have you. That's what most people do, it's all about give and take. This guy sounds like a total stinge which to me is THE biggest turn-off. I'd say it to him because it's not going to get better by itself. Meanness if engrained however so you may have a battle on your hands. If he loves you though he will want to please you.

meeeeh

I'm all for splitting the bill but... If you had to travel half the country to visit him and he would not even offer you a bite to eat, then he is a tight arse in my opinion. I would say the same if genders were reversed, it is just simple manners and has nothing to do with being old fashioned or anything else.

I'm all for splitting the bills (until (if) you are in a proper household with joint finances), but I like the relaxed attitude where not every cent is counted.

Merkin

zzzzzzkkkkk wrote: »

I don't mind and in fact I insist going 50/50 but sometimes it is just ridiculous - like down to 1 or 2 euro. (He says, "I'm putting 9 euro here instead of 10 because the other day I paid 1 euro more for the taxi")

:eek:

That is just horrific. If it was me I'd be tempted to tell him to get in said taxi (by himself) and not bother coming back. What a stinge! This would drive me berserk.

dipdip

This has nothing to do with gender. He is mean with money. Ugh, what a turn off.

LegacyUser

Not paying for the first date was stingy. Not paying his full half is stingy. Not recognising that you've probably spent a meal's worth of money (as many women do) to get ready to meet him, is stingy. Not recognising that you've driven 60 miles to see him is stingy. Not recognising that there might come a time that the two of you could settle down and have children with nine months of physical discomfort and stress on you, is stingy.


Tell him you think he's a bit mean, and take it from there. If he starts treating you, then he just hadn't realised that he hadn't previously. No change=break up with him

advice needed

zzzzzzkkkkk wrote: »

I did mention it a few times, but he didn't really change. And if I actually have to ask for someone to show generosity, than what is the point, really?

This is exactly it isn't it. Generosity isn't really generosity if you are only doing it because you have to.....

Can't believe the maths that goes into your finances. That's taking it to another level!

dobman88

Why do you expect all those things from him?? Fair enough, he shouldn't be skimping on his half when you do pay 50/50 but if men ever talk about women as the "fairer sex" we are quickly told how all things are equal etc. etc.

If you want to be treated as an equal in every aspect of your life then paying your own way shouldn't be a problem. Unless you want to play the "little woman" routine.

skirt_hunter

dobman88 wrote: »

Why do you expect all those things from him?? Fair enough, he shouldn't be skimping on his half when you do pay 50/50 but if men ever talk about women as the "fairer sex" we are quickly told how all things are equal etc. etc.

If you want to be treated as an equal in every aspect of your life then paying your own way shouldn't be a problem. Unless you want to play the "little woman" routine.

a minority of feminist self appointed spokespersons for all have intimidated the silent majority of women into believing old fashioned chivalry is an affront to equality

most women prefer the old ways deep down

dobman88

skirt_hunter wrote: »

most women prefer the old ways deep down

Why??

Addle

dobman88 wrote: »

Why??

Because some women want it all.

LegacyUser

If you're not the type of person to normally keep account of others' spending and this is bothering you then trust your instincts. Different things suit different people. Some will see his behaviour as tight, others as economical, egalitarian etc. I love to be generous with my partner when in a relationship. Love buying them small gifts, cooking special dinners, going to their favourite places, treating them etc. To some people I would be a nightmare girlfriend, a money waster etc. However, equality in a relationship to me is when my partner also spoils me at times. I'd prefer not to go out with someone who was so straight down the middle about paying for things because that would rule out the pleasure I get from getting treats for them.

I once dated a guy like that for seven months. He was very economical - the 9 euro instead of 10 for a taxi reminded me of him. He never offered to pay for more than half of anything but correspondingly he always paid his own way so could respect where he was coming from. I went out with another guy for a couple of months who also liked to split things. However, if we had five drinks I would always have paid for three to his two. He also did the bill of €87 is split €43/€44 in his favour. I'm a very generous person, don't keep account of things like that, bit of a spendthrift to be honest but it drove me mad. I'd much rather go out with someone broke who's always €10/€20 short than someone with money who needs to be better off by €0.50 or a €1 at your expense. To me that's tightness in the extreme and shows a lack of respect.

What can you do? Speak to him, let him know it bothers you, tell him what you'd prefer but also be ready to compromise on your idea of generosity if you plan on staying with him. If he's just economical then try to see that in a positive light. If he's stingy, then it's up to you to decide if you're suited as long term you'll have plenty of joint financial decisions to make.

cactusgal

Gender is not the issue here. The OP's boyfriend is nickel and diming her and it's an unattractive trait in anyone, male or female. The fact that he wants to pay a euro less for his dinner bc he paid a euro more in taxi fare the day before? That's mean.

OP, I was in a somewhat similar situation many years back. An ex of mine was always weird about money bc he said an ex of his had screwed him over for money years before. It was an ongoing issue that was his problem but it became my problem too.

dobman88

cactusgal wrote: »

Gender is not the issue here. The OP's boyfriend is nickel and diming her and it's an unattractive trait in anyone, male or female. The fact that he wants to pay a euro less for his dinner bc he paid a euro more in taxi fare the day before? That's mean.

OP, I was in a somewhat similar situation many years back. An ex of mine was always weird about money bc he said an ex of his had screwed him over for money years before. It was an ongoing issue that was his problem but it became my problem too.

The OP never mentions a taxi in her post. She said her boyfriend never buys her dinner. I agree that he should definitely pay his full share if going 50/50 but other than that why should she expect him to pay for everything. Why does the OP feel so entitled to a free dinner.

The OP says the they have a great time together and he says he loves her but he doesn't "show" it. Does anyone else think there could be a reason for this like a bad relationship previously, being shy, maybe it's his first serious relationship and he is a bit unsure of himself.

Men automatically get the stick for everything. And the way people have been talking about this guy in the thread is evidence of that. Do you ever offer to buy him dinner OP?

Taltos

OK - no more gender biased comments. This is not a discussion forum and any further comments such as those above for example by dobman88 or Addle will be treated as off topic and as such will result in moderator action.

If anyone is unsure of the rules here please take some time now to read our charter, ignorance of what is expected is not accepted as an excuse.

Thanks
Taltos

LegacyUser

I am sorry to tell you but you are going out with a man who is mean.
After driving a distance to meet him he expected you to pay half the cost of meal.
Also he should put his hand in his pocket and pay for an odd meal out - what happens if you go out for your birthday?
What is he like when you meet up with your freinds, would he buy them a drink or is he happy to buy a round on a night out?
Have any of your friends made comments about him - like does he still has his communion money?
Your boyfriend chooses to ignore that fact that you have done special things for him would show this also.

To me meaness is not just about money but is how you treat people. If you notice that someone has said or done something nice for you or they have gone out of there way to help you out it is nice to tell them thanks for this.

My advice to you is to tell your boyfriend the following:
It would be nice if you paid for an odd meal when we go out. Also I am sick of you keeping an tally of every cent you spend each night we go out and telling me you are paying €9 euro instead of €10 because you paid a euro more the last night.
He might not realise he is doing this but unless you see a change in him within a few weeks I would tell him it is over due to the fact he can't open his wallet. I would also say to him you have ignored the fact of x,y,z of the nice things I have done for you and you have never showen any nice things back to me. I would also tell him if you want a woman in your life you need to remember me saying this.

Stheno

No one actually knows what sort of financial commitments the OPs boyfriend has, he may earn a fair bit of cash, but a lot of that may be consumed by mortgage/loan commitments.

Or he may be waiting to see what her attitude is like to the 50/50 approach and if she pushes it if she feels he has more money.

Five years on with my current OH we still have a deal where one pays for dinner and the other pays for smokes for both/goodies from the shop, if we go out.

We do treat each other etc, but tbh, the OPs post imo is too lacking in any detail, e.g. she says they are together almost a year, and hasn't mentioned Christmas/Birthdays and how they dealt with those?

My first Christmas with my now OH we hadn't been together long, so we spent time together and had a great day, no gifts whatsoever.

We have a significant income gap as a couple so we tend to set limits that suit the lower earner of the two of us, and the higher earner is free to go above if they can afford it, and want to, but it's never expected.

LegacyUser

Can I just ask you one or 2 questions - scenario type questions!

1. If he asks you out to dinner and you say "I've no money until payday"

Would he cancel the night altogether?
Would he say "ah look it's grand, don't worry come on out and we'll go for something to eat"
Would he expect you to pay him back? I.e buying the next dinner (which isn't unreasonable IMO)

I am just interested to see what he would do in that situation!

Carlos Orange

kylith wrote: »

Holding a door open for your SO isn't inequality, it's manners, and if he doesn't do so much as that it says a lot about how he sees her.

Holding the door for the person following is manners. Some idea that the man should always be the one holding the door is unequal. I presume that is what is being referred to since it is referred to as "gentlemanly traits".

Sparrow_Hawk

Wow, I am absolutely shocked by zzzzzzkkkkk treatment with the taxi incident. And I totally agree with OP in saying its gentlemanly to pay for stuff. I acknowledge that many women feel everything should be equal. Such women, I hope, also acknowledge that some women prefer"old school" romance.

My ex paid for most things when we went out. Exceptions being pub rounds and the likes, he was such a gent. And before people respond saying "no wonder he is now ur ex", it was me who ended it, for other reasons. I would never go out with a guy who wouldn't treat me well.

clairefontaine

You drove 100 miles to see him and spent E 60 on gas and he didn't take you out to dinner?

Dump him. You should have a year ago.

JustAThought

Stheno wrote: »

No one actually knows what sort of financial commitments the OPs boyfriend has, he may earn a fair bit of cash, but a lot of that may be consumed by mortgage/loan commitments..

Agree totally with this - if he earns 'good money' then almost 50% of it is taken by government taxes ; then there is car tax, insurance, & house charges, bills -gas & LX, mibile phone, broadband etc monthly - before he puts food in his fridge. If he has a pension if even the minimum that makes another 10% gone. After he pays rent or mortgage, or puts something aside to be able to afford on in the future then he's not living on a lot . No doubt you're the same but you can see why with all this he wouldn't want to double his costs and pay for you too.

You say he says he loves you, you go out & enjoy nice things together & he us a decent guy - it seems you have the hang up about money & don't want to pay your way. It seems he is paying his share, and you don't want to.

Driving to see him & expecting him to treat you or spend money on meals out is a bit manipulative. He was out/away. You rocked up with no night out planned & are now giving out to strangers that he didn't buy you things/take you out . That's his prerogative. It seems very takey that yiu arrive there to this expectation & then whine when yiu didn't get what you wanted or expected. You hadn't arranged s night out.there was no special event for him to consider treating you . Why was seeing him & spending time with him not enough - yih had to eat in a restaurant too - and not pay for it? Not very nice or fair on him.

30 km each was us a drive that many commute each day. It's not a remarkable feat. If he lives that far away does he have a house & big mortgage in suburbia?? Either way he can't be expected to drop everything & spend e40 + on you every time you drop out/over or when you have the whim to spend his money.

Perhaps he deserves a girlfriend who is less moneymean, less gift demanding & far less money obsessed.

Frank Black

Sparrow_Hawk wrote: »

Wow, I am absolutely shocked by zzzzzzkkkkk treatment with the taxi incident. And I totally agree with OP in saying its gentlemanly to pay for stuff. I acknowledge that many women feel everything should be equal. Such women, I hope, also acknowledge that some women prefer"old school" romance.

My ex paid for most things when we went out. Exceptions being pub rounds and the likes, he was such a gent. And before people respond saying "no wonder he is now ur ex", it was me who ended it, for other reasons. I would never go out with a guy who wouldn't treat me well.

Being romantic, gentlemanly and treating someone well have pretty much nothing to do with paying for everything,

I think you need to recalibrate your views on the matter.

dipdip

I presume those defending his meanness with money are themselves mean.

Even when unemployed I'd go out of my way to be generous to my loved ones. Being generous to loved ones isn't even commendable - it's the norm - and a generous spirit is obvious regardless of the wealth of the person.

He's clearly tight, as are those defending him. "The poor guy has to pay for taxes and broadband" - lol. The poor pet.

dipdip

Another point while I'm on my high horse - my other half is currently a student and hasn't two farthings to rub together. He still makes me feel like the centre of his world by treating me in every possible way he can think of! He is a very generous person so whether he's rich or poor I feel like I'm being looked after.

OP, I suppose you should tell him his tight fistedness is putting you off. That's hard to say to someone - I have a friend who stiffs everyone by a few euro on every bill and I grit my teeth and pay the difference rather than have the argument. (He's a wealthy git as well, naturally.) But this is a particular sore point for me - I abhor meanness. I personally could not date your boyfriend, I would have dumped him some time ago. But if you want to salvage this relationship, ask him to change and become generous hearted towards you.

Potatoeman

unreg67 wrote: »

Not paying for the first date was stingy. Not paying his full half is stingy. Not recognising that you've probably spent a meal's worth of money (as many women do) to get ready to meet him, is stingy. Not recognising that you've driven 60 miles to see him is stingy. Not recognising that there might come a time that the two of you could settle down and have children with nine months of physical discomfort and stress on you, is stingy.


Tell him you think he's a bit mean, and take it from there. If he starts treating you, then he just hadn't realised that he hadn't previously. No change=break up with him

He should buy dinner because you spend money on makeup?
I dont mind picking up the bill occasionally but I have had women get offended by the offer.
A friend of mine insists that any girl he dates splits the bill and if she doesnt offer he considers it a redflag.

maria34

Potatoeman wrote: »

He should buy dinner because you spend money on makeup?
I dont mind picking up the bill occasionally but I have had women get offended by the offer.
A friend of mine insists that any girl he dates splits the bill and if she doesnt offer he considers it a redflag.

Thats why he is still single is he?

Frank Black

maria34 wrote: »

Thats why he is still single is he?

I'm sure most guys would be happier single than dating a gold-digger.

Taltos

maria34, per our charter if you have no constructive advice to offer the OP please don't post.
Please note as this is a strictly moderated forum further rule violations will now result in a ban.

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Taltos

clairefontaine

The same people spouting the equality ****e are perfectly happy to let her spend two hours and e60 on petrol and cover her own meal?

Doesn't sound that equal to me.

So lets say your portion of the meal was what? E25?

You basically spent E85 plus two hours in commenting for a date? He spends E25 and doesn't have to move his ass.

Come on.

beks101

I don't think this is a gender thing at all, you're simply financially incompatible.

I don't think either one of you is particularly wrong; although personally I'd veer more on your side when it comes to money. While I've always been careful with money, when it comes to friendships and relationships I've always operated on the belief that it all comes out in the wash anyway - picking up a dinner here or a small gift there is just what I do when I care about someone and it's never not been reciprocated. That's just what you do for the people you love really and I'd be mortified to be counting my euros out in front of a friend or boyfriend.

So yeah, I can imagine feeling a bit miffed and turned off if I met someone who seemed a bit more penny pinching. Not sure it's something I could get over either as it has wider repercussions - what if the relationship progresses and you end up moving in together, splitting bills, down the line a shared bank account etc...if someone isn't on the same page as you financially, it can cause serious relationship problems.

Personally, I'd have a good, hard think about all of this and decide whether or not it's a deal-breaker. I don't think people change their financial outlook all that easily either, and if he becomes more generous simply because he feels pressured into it, it's just going to breed further resentment in the relationship.

Creasy_bear

dipdip wrote: »

I presume those defending his meanness with money are themselves mean.

Even when unemployed I'd go out of my way to be generous to my loved ones. Being generous to loved ones isn't even commendable - it's the norm - and a generous spirit is obvious regardless of the wealth of the person.

He's clearly tight, as are those defending him. "The poor guy has to pay for taxes and broadband" - lol. The poor pet.

+1

I don't care how much he's making/paying out. The fact that this guy is arguing over 1 euro for a taxi ride......it's absolutely pathetic.

Dump him, and find a guy that to treat you well. You deserve better.

Stheno

dipdip wrote: »

Another point while I'm on my high horse - my other half is currently a student and hasn't two farthings to rub together. He still makes me feel like the centre of his world by treating me in every possible way he can think of! He is a very generous person so whether he's rich or poor I feel like I'm being looked after.

OP, I suppose you should tell him his tight fistedness is putting you off. That's hard to say to someone - I have a friend who stiffs everyone by a few euro on every bill and I grit my teeth and pay the difference rather than have the argument. (He's a wealthy git as well, naturally.) But this is a particular sore point for me - I abhor meanness. I personally could not date your boyfriend, I would have dumped him some time ago. But if you want to salvage this relationship, ask him to change and become generous hearted towards you.

OP has never come back to answer lots of different questions so we have no idea how he treats her in terms of treats.

In my relationship a treat might be running a bath or putting a hot water bottle in the bed for the first person going up, or coming home with a chocolate bar or pastry, yet we still split/share bills for nights out equally

I spend far more on gifts than he does as he has more financial commitments relative to his income

Creasy_bear wrote: »

+1

I don't care how much he's making/paying out. The fact that this guy is arguing over 1 euro for a taxi ride......it's absolutely pathetic.

Dump him, and find a guy that to treat you well. You deserve better.

That wasn't the OP

Creasy_bear

Stheno wrote: »

OP has never come back to answer lots of different questions so we have no idea how he treats her in terms of treats.

In my relationship a treat might be running a bath or putting a hot water bottle in the bed for the first person going up, or coming home with a chocolate bar or pastry, yet we still split/share bills for nights out equally

I spend far more on gifts than he does as he has more financial commitments relative to his income


That wasn't the OP

Oh right sorry lol.

Jellyhead

Regardless of all the minor details when penny-pinching comes into it romance is dead! My better half of 23 years hitch hiked 80 miles to surprise me with a zag teddy and earrings for a pressie with the soles flapping on his shoes! I think I knew there and then he was the one! You will never woo anyone by saving yourself a euro here and there... generosity is across the board.. a cup of tea in bed, a lie in etc....its a state of mind..I could never be with some one who was tit for tat...it will always be that way OP.. 'Its your turn to do......' arrgh..what a way to live..you should just want to do nice things for each other whether they cost money or not, just to brighten that persons day! I think your generous spirit is wasted here and would let him find some one happy to to count the €'s with him

JustAThought

Ir seems the kind who us counting the ££'s more is her. Perhaps he would bd better off with someone who he could treat as an equal. Instead Ox someone watching & counting every penny he spends - and fermenting the anger in her head that it is not enough.

LegacyUser

[QUOTE=Potatoeman;8696559
A friend of mine insists that any girl he dates splits the bill and if she doesnt offer he considers it a redflag.[/QUOTE]
Lol......ANd I bet he's still single!

LegacyUser

Frank Black wrote: »

I'm sure most guys would be happier single than dating a gold-digger.

Why does he bother to go on dates so? Sounds like a lame excuse used by stingy people

otto_26

advice needed wrote: »

He also lacks other gentlemanly traits such as opening or holding open a door for me or just showing that he appreciates me with selfless acts.

Firstly the above comment is sexist Men and Women are equal

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amtc

God I could've written this.

Now in my book, being mean with money is being mean of spirit. I went out with a guy for five years and he was like this - so when the chips were down (I had done my back in) he basically counted out two euros so I could buy a pair of tights. I went home to my mam as I was not being told what I could or couldn't do.

He took back my Christmas present to exchange for something cheaper as he'd got carried away. After giving it to me in front of his family and mine so they'd see the gesture.

We split up after that. I earned more than him by a good multiple, so I didn't mind paying my way, but the meaness of spirit was what led me to end it.

I go for lunch with a male friend every week, and we pay one week, one the other. evens out over the year