Boyfriend has serious trust issues, need advice

queenofsteel1

My boyfriend and I have been on and off for 7 years. We are 23 and 24 now but when I was 18 we briefly split up and I met someone else. We split up again a year after that and met different people and again when he went to New Zealand. We BOTH went off with different people but it doesnt bother me as its all in the past. He now has major issues with this and doesnt trust me. He is always ringing me and asking where I am , I have to take snapchats and ring from my house phone to "prove" where I am. I went to the cinema last week with a female friend and had to take a VIDEO of the cinema as proof. Its all he talks about when he rings. He accuses me of lying and being on the phone to lads and is convinced I am meeting one of his friends.

Last night 2 of the lads left his house and he rang me because he was convinced I was meeting one of them when I was at home in my pyjamas. He is always checking snapchat and wants to know who I am sendin pics to and what of. He treats me like a w***e and a s**t. I love him dearly and we have been through so much in our 7 years and I know the way he feels is partially from the way I behaved when I was younger. I dont want to just leave him. Any advice on what I should do?

anmhi02

Oh dear God you poor thing. Hate to say this but realistically you need to leave and fast. You say he treats you like s..t and a w..re.....he also had this unhealthy obsession to know and to prove where you are. This is not a relationship ..it's abuse. Please do yourself a favour and run while you still can. You're still young and have you r while life ahead of you. Spend it enjoying yourself, your friends and your life and not justifying yourself to someone who appears to only wasn't to hold you back.
God luck and t take care of yourself x

Oryx

If he doesn't trust you then you have no basis for a relationship. It is extremely hard for someone like him to change their behaviour, jealousy is a very hard emotion to shake off. I fear you will break yourself trying to appease him if you go on in the same pattern.

If you truly want one last try then you need to break this pattern you are in. No more proving where you are. No more checking up on you. He has to trust you without any demands. What he is currently doing is destroying the relationship he seems desperate to keep.

wirelessdude01

Do you think you are in a relationship? You are in an abusive trap is what you are. Get out or else break the cycle.

Stavro Mueller

Op, this sounds very familiar. Have you posted about this guy at least twice before?

Edit: If I am right, then all I can do is ask why on earth you are still with this monster? He has pretty much destroyed you as a person. I urge you to seek counselling asap about this issue. Please.

And if I am wrong and it wasn't you, then I'm afraid my advice is little different. I'm doing the maths here. Am I right in saying that he is still punishing you for something that happened 4 or 5 years ago???? How long has this obsessive controlling been going on?

Do you feel afraid of your boyfriend? Or do you feel afraid of what life would be like without him in it?

stargazer 68

queenofsteel1 wrote: »

I know the way he feels is partially from the way I behaved when I was younger. I dont want to just leave him.

Sorry OP I don't get this. You split and met someone else - that's what happens. You didn't do anything wrong yet you are being treated like you have and you seem to think you have - unless you have left something out.

I have to agree with everyone else - that's not a relationship. What would happen if you didn't send him the pics or ring from your house to prove where you are?

heretochat

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Do you think you are in a relationship? You are in an abusive trap is what you are. Get out or else break the cycle.

I agree with this 100%, this guy comes across as an absolute control freak and what he is doing is a form of abuse in my opinion...

How can you live your life like this with every single thing you do being questioned?

You seriously need to consider your position with him. I would advise you to run far and fast but it comes across that he has you right where he wants you.

Also, does he go out without you regularly?

LegacyUser

OP, get away from this man. He has no right to know what you do or who with. It should be your choice to share anything. He is toxic and will never change. Can you imagine this for the rest of your life?

MJ23

Get out while you can. Imagine that for the rest of your life?
Filming the cinema to prove you were there. If a friend told you she had to do that, what would you say?
Don't settle because you're with him for years. You're only 23. Go enjoy yourself.

strobe

If you really don't want to leave him (from reading your post it's hard to see why you wouldn't) then it's ultimatum time.

You need to sit him down amd explain that his trust iasues and insecurity and his behaviour is making you feel like **** and unless things change drastically and with imediate effect the relarionship is over.

People can change *if they want to*, maybe counselling or therapy of some kind could help him.

But honestly, unless his response is one of accepting that his behaviour is bang out of order, that he realises this and is willing to do whatever he can to try and change it and then he follows up those words with immediate action. Then you need to end the relationship, end your contact with him, and not look back.