Don't Know What To Do

LegacyUser

Sometimes I wake up extra early just to worry; it’s like all my fears are in the forefront of my mind! And I am half sleep when I write this and it could be a ramble!

Basically I finished college this year and have since been working in a shop.
I had applied for the H. dip in secondary school teaching and got accepted but declined the offer at the last minute as I knew from the beginning it was not right for me even though I thought that I could overcome my worries about pursuing such a career. I felt a lot of relief when I finally gave up on the idea and have never regretted my decision. I truly think that I finally gave up on wanting to change myself too much to fit the job, I think I would have been one of those terrible secondary school teachers that had no control over the class and dreaded work every day.

Since the end of college I have worked in a shop. It was okay at the beginning but it now starting to become more difficult as my little mistakes are no longer so acceptable. Everything will be grand but then I will make a little slip up and then I will just feel so crap in all honest. On the one hand I know everyone makes mistakes and it is no great character flaw to make one, and that it is also a job I do not want for the rest of my life. But on the other hand I work with people that I feel are growing impatient with me and that talk to me in a manner that I am unused to and that make me feel so down when I slip up, even though everything else that day had been done correctly. There is no recognition of good work but great emphasis placed on any mistake and it sours any good.

This job was intended for the purposes of saving for travelling in January of next year with my friend who is also in the same job as me, albeit for much longer than me and she is much better at the job that I am. However, I have a number of concerns of going travelling with her and of travelling in general now. She can be a very difficult person at times, very argumentative, like she loves an argument but I don’t even think she realises she does. She is also very insecure, needy and attention seeking at times. Sometimes I just need my space and she will want to call over and spend the night drinking and I just would rather be at home with my family. She doesn’t see this as having already made plans and it will be quite frankly difficult to get rid of her, however horrible that sounds. I have never had a friendship like this before, usually I have much more relaxed friendships, even my best friend whom I live 5 minutes down the road from I only see once or twice a week due to us both working and it is fine for us both and we have never had a falling out.

I also worry that while we are travelling we will be seeking out jobs that are similar to the job I already have and which I feel myself to be not good at. Even though I think that I am good at a lot of aspects of the job but it is completely overshadowed by the mistakes.

Every day at work I pick apart the job, the aspects of it I like and those that I do not like and why, to try and figure out a job I would prefer and a job that I felt suited me. The current job make me really want to settle down into a job I love and that I will have for most, if not all, of my life and one that I can be really good at. I have always had great difficulty with deciding a career path and in college I did an Arts degree, a decision based on my love of English at school. My two main career paths I have been looking into are national school teaching and a career as an archivist. I love children and I know I would become really dedicated to the job. Even in the job in the shop I try really hard and bar the few mistakes I do think that when given a task I do try my best to accomplish it well. I have previous experience with working with children also and found this to be enjoyable even though it was not in a school setting so somewhat different to teaching. My second option is mainly based on the fact that I wanted something more academic as I loved college and was achieved good grades which I am really proud of. I also love working alone and having the autonomy of being in charge of my work.

I suppose that is a lot of background information.

Mainly I would love someone to tell me what to do from here on in, however unrealistic such a request is! I have major concerns over travelling with my friend, but it is a plan we have had for a few months now and I don’t want to let her down. I also have always wanted to travel. However, in the knowledge that when I come back I will have to pay for, or at least contribute towards, my continuation in education I feel spending the money I have saved in the shop is inconsiderate. I don’t want to rely on my parent to foot the bill for college again. For national school teaching I would also have to learn Irish which will take me some time as I was never very good at it at school. It is an obstacle that pushes me towards doing the Masters in Archiving, as is that fact that I think that it would be easier to get a job after the masters. I am also only 22, and with so much uncertainty about where I want to go in life I feel like taking some time is not a bad option and travel is always part of the advice usually given to someone in my position. As part of travelling we also plan on teaching English which would help me gain some hands on experience. Sorry if this has been an utter ramble! I just wanted to give as much information as possible and clear my head of all this! I am really scared of not knowing what to do.

Cork selfbuild

Hi OP,

It sounds like you do have a few decisions to make... So will try to split out what I think...

Do you work or travel?

Well I didn't travel, and I really regreted it for a while, however now turned 30 in the last few years I've made some big trips and really enjoyed them, a pro of this is it's 2 - 3 week trips which I save up for and no debt when I get home...

But if I was to start over again after college I think I would still go travel, you only have one roll of the dice in life, if travel is something you really want to do then do it of you can afford it from what you have saved up, but as you said you need to figure out how to pay for college when you get back, maybe a load from parents as you will pay them back?

If you travel then it's who you travel with is the next decision, you raised a few concerns in your post, you will be up close and personally with your friend for a long time, so I would make sure ye set some ground rules if you go through with it, that only you can decide on.

Then when you get back if you go, how about you really get stuck into Irish when you travel, can your friend help you with it, as you said you like teaching idea, but not to unruly teens, so primary, and if you can crack the Irish when travelling, two birds with one stone? Also if you are doing the TEFL type teaching you will be in the frame of mind, get Irish audio books, learning books on a tablet, it's never been as easy to self teach now, and when travelling and to block out the friend for some personal time stick in the earphones and study!

Now your current job, stop stressing and comparing you to your friends, it's the people are the big issues, there is no engagement or support there, seems like just finger wagging and crap, if you can I would say, your first move is to try find another job that's not constantly putting you down, it's very demoralising...

ivytwine

If you do decide to go travelling, don't go with her.

These niggles in your friendship will magnify ten fold if you go away together. You do need to be on the same page as the person you're going with, otherwise you're just going to end up resenting her...

Also I'm wondering why you're analysing so much in your job. If it's just a stopgap, and not something you want to do permanently, what does it matter if you make a few mistakes. Everyone does as you say, and as long as your job is not in danger, what of it?

It sounds to me as if you're in a real rut and I'm afraid the only one who can change that is you. Could you even try for a new job in the meantime. I know you decided against the h-dip but is there another course you'd be interested in?

bluemagpie

Definitely travel, you could look into getting a teaching job before you go once you have your TEFL course done. You could always go before your friend, tell her that the job isn't working out and she can come meet you out there if she wants. Many people split up after travelling together for a while in any case so just go your own way. If she decides not to go in January will you wish you had gone earlier? If so go when you're ready. It doesn't sound like you like her too much in any case so I'm not sure why you would travel with her, you are entitled to change your mind.

There are lots of teaching jobs around Asia and you'll probably find yourself a group of other internationals to hang out with if you go down that route. Good advice there by Cork Selfbuild in bringing some Irish audio stuff with you. And no matter where you travel you'll meet some nice people. You're only 22 so my advice would be if you want to travel go for it, and if you choose to travel on your own you will have a great experience if you want it.

Don't worry about the current job, it is a means to an end, you can't do anything other than your best so when you leave the shop forget about it and work on your travel plans. It is a whole different story when you are working at something you enjoy, don't let your current situation have you think otherwise.

kjl

NotSureWhatToDo wrote: »

Sometimes I wake up extra early just to worry; it’s like all my fears are in the forefront of my mind! And I am half sleep when I write this and it could be a ramble!

Basically I finished college this year and have since been working in a shop.
I had applied for the H. dip in secondary school teaching and got accepted but declined the offer at the last minute as I knew from the beginning it was not right for me even though I thought that I could overcome my worries about pursuing such a career. I felt a lot of relief when I finally gave up on the idea and have never regretted my decision. I truly think that I finally gave up on wanting to change myself too much to fit the job, I think I would have been one of those terrible secondary school teachers that had no control over the class and dreaded work every day.

Since the end of college I have worked in a shop. It was okay at the beginning but it now starting to become more difficult as my little mistakes are no longer so acceptable. Everything will be grand but then I will make a little slip up and then I will just feel so crap in all honest. On the one hand I know everyone makes mistakes and it is no great character flaw to make one, and that it is also a job I do not want for the rest of my life. But on the other hand I work with people that I feel are growing impatient with me and that talk to me in a manner that I am unused to and that make me feel so down when I slip up, even though everything else that day had been done correctly. There is no recognition of good work but great emphasis placed on any mistake and it sours any good.

This job was intended for the purposes of saving for travelling in January of next year with my friend who is also in the same job as me, albeit for much longer than me and she is much better at the job that I am. However, I have a number of concerns of going travelling with her and of travelling in general now. She can be a very difficult person at times, very argumentative, like she loves an argument but I don’t even think she realises she does. She is also very insecure, needy and attention seeking at times. Sometimes I just need my space and she will want to call over and spend the night drinking and I just would rather be at home with my family. She doesn’t see this as having already made plans and it will be quite frankly difficult to get rid of her, however horrible that sounds. I have never had a friendship like this before, usually I have much more relaxed friendships, even my best friend whom I live 5 minutes down the road from I only see once or twice a week due to us both working and it is fine for us both and we have never had a falling out.

I also worry that while we are travelling we will be seeking out jobs that are similar to the job I already have and which I feel myself to be not good at. Even though I think that I am good at a lot of aspects of the job but it is completely overshadowed by the mistakes.

Every day at work I pick apart the job, the aspects of it I like and those that I do not like and why, to try and figure out a job I would prefer and a job that I felt suited me. The current job make me really want to settle down into a job I love and that I will have for most, if not all, of my life and one that I can be really good at. I have always had great difficulty with deciding a career path and in college I did an Arts degree, a decision based on my love of English at school. My two main career paths I have been looking into are national school teaching and a career as an archivist. I love children and I know I would become really dedicated to the job. Even in the job in the shop I try really hard and bar the few mistakes I do think that when given a task I do try my best to accomplish it well. I have previous experience with working with children also and found this to be enjoyable even though it was not in a school setting so somewhat different to teaching. My second option is mainly based on the fact that I wanted something more academic as I loved college and was achieved good grades which I am really proud of. I also love working alone and having the autonomy of being in charge of my work.

I suppose that is a lot of background information.

Mainly I would love someone to tell me what to do from here on in, however unrealistic such a request is! I have major concerns over travelling with my friend, but it is a plan we have had for a few months now and I don’t want to let her down. I also have always wanted to travel. However, in the knowledge that when I come back I will have to pay for, or at least contribute towards, my continuation in education I feel spending the money I have saved in the shop is inconsiderate. I don’t want to rely on my parent to foot the bill for college again. For national school teaching I would also have to learn Irish which will take me some time as I was never very good at it at school. It is an obstacle that pushes me towards doing the Masters in Archiving, as is that fact that I think that it would be easier to get a job after the masters. I am also only 22, and with so much uncertainty about where I want to go in life I feel like taking some time is not a bad option and travel is always part of the advice usually given to someone in my position. As part of travelling we also plan on teaching English which would help me gain some hands on experience. Sorry if this has been an utter ramble! I just wanted to give as much information as possible and clear my head of all this! I am really scared of not knowing what to do.

Teeth and education, that's the two things my parents will always pay for. I think your parents would want you to go on this trip. Your friend sounds mad, but she obviously likes you, so give it a go. I lived in NY with someone for a year and hated him towards the end, but you meet other people in your travels. Don't worry about making mistakes in your job, everybody does and it's no big deal. The world isn't going to end. Really stop worrying in general as Van Wilder said, "Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere". You are 22, still loads of time to figure out everything and you are doing great so far in that you know what you want.

I was 30 before I got into the job I always wanted. Things will work out as long as you stay positive.

It's sounds like your job is getting you depressed and really you shouldn't get bogged down, it's just a way to make money so you can travel. Think big picture.