The end of a 10 year relationship

LegacyUser

I have been afraid of being alone my entire adult life. And recently, I have started to realise that I am incredibly unhappy. I don't love the man that I have been living with for a decade. Before I met him I was happy and lively and energetic. Today I am angry and resentful of my life with him. I have known for years that I was not in love with him but I honestly thought that the feelings I had for my first love were a fluke. That nobody ever feels that way and I was lucky to have felt that with anyone. And maybe they were a fluke and maybe I will never have those feelings again and today I am fine with that. I just want what I have now to end.

My partner and I made a mess of our lives. We made poor financial decisions and any money we had during the last decade is gone. We are not married but we do have a one year old son. I love our son to bits and pieces. He is my joy. I get up for him every morning. I go to work in a ho-hum job every day for him even though given the chance I would much rather stay at home with him until he started school. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to work as I know so many others don't. I manage to barely meet my outgoings every month. I have a loving family who also love my son.

But I don't love his father. Some days it is a struggle to even like him. He is selfish and shallow. I resent him because I had to return to work to pay our bills because he would not even apply for a job. Whenever he has money he never spends any of it on the household or more importantly our son. I have told him over and over again that he has to start taking responsibility in the house and for our son considering he is there 24-7.

Over the past couple of years I have tried to change things that made me unhappy: my job; where I lived; currently in the midst of getting my health/weight back in order but I have never been brave enough to alter my relationship.

I am sick of coming home from work to a pigsty. I clean, I make dinner and then I take my son up to bed at 7 with me. My OH wouldnt even notice - he is either on facebook or he is out playing sports. We are intimate once a fortnight but I hate it. I do it because I know I should not because I want to. Don't get me wrong, he is a great looking guy but that means nothing when he isnt available as a partner to me.

Today I told him that I was unhappy and was close to leaving him. He just laughed and said it was probably the diet coke withdrawal symptoms.

I suppose I am wondering if anyone here has been in a relationship that just sort of fizzled out but still had the fear to take the leap into dreaded singledom.

heretochat

EndingATenYearRelationship wrote: »

I have been afraid of being alone my entire adult life. And recently, I have started to realise that I am incredibly unhappy. I don't love the man that I have been living with for a decade. Before I met him I was happy and lively and energetic. Today I am angry and resentful of my life with him. I have known for years that I was not in love with him but I honestly thought that the feelings I had for my first love were a fluke. That nobody ever feels that way and I was lucky to have felt that with anyone. And maybe they were a fluke and maybe I will never have those feelings again and today I am fine with that. I just want what I have now to end.

My partner and I made a mess of our lives. We made poor financial decisions and any money we had during the last decade is gone. We are not married but we do have a one year old son. I love our son to bits and pieces. He is my joy. I get up for him every morning. I go to work in a ho-hum job every day for him even though given the chance I would much rather stay at home with him until he started school. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to work as I know so many others don't. I manage to barely meet my outgoings every month. I have a loving family who also love my son.

But I don't love his father. Some days it is a struggle to even like him. He is selfish and shallow. I resent him because I had to return to work to pay our bills because he would not even apply for a job. Whenever he has money he never spends any of it on the household or more importantly our son. I have told him over and over again that he has to start taking responsibility in the house and for our son considering he is there 24-7.

Over the past couple of years I have tried to change things that made me unhappy: my job; where I lived; currently in the midst of getting my health/weight back in order but I have never been brave enough to alter my relationship.

I am sick of coming home from work to a pigsty. I clean, I make dinner and then I take my son up to bed at 7 with me. My OH wouldnt even notice - he is either on facebook or he is out playing sports. We are intimate once a fortnight but I hate it. I do it because I know I should not because I want to. Don't get me wrong, he is a great looking guy but that means nothing when he isnt available as a partner to me.

Today I told him that I was unhappy and was close to leaving him. He just laughed and said it was probably the diet coke withdrawal symptoms.

I suppose I am wondering if anyone here has been in a relationship that just sort of fizzled out but still had the fear to take the leap into dreaded singledom.

Oh my God you really need to get out of that relationship. You come across as being stuck in a rut, with no confidence in yourself. I have bolded the parts that struck me the most.

However, what struck me the most is what I have underlined. You are intimate with him because you know you should? You don't have to do anything of the sort. IN fact I would be saying you shouldn't be intimate as so much else is wrong with the relationship.

You have wasted 10 valuable years of your life. For the sake of yourself and your child you can't afford to waste any more.

Cork selfbuild

The fear of stepping out of "normality" & routine, into the unknown can be a very daunting proposal, from all you have said above it sounds like its a give and take relationship, except not in equal measures, you do all the giving and OH does all the taking, the resentment that's there will just get worse and worse...

I think you need out, your own space, your own fresh air... Your family sound like a great support to help you in this, you your life and sanity, take a deep breath and start afresh...

amtc

I'm in two minds as to whether to hit post or not as it is very true to my parents' story.

They met in 1966, married in 1970 and I was born in 1973.

I only had my mum tell my recently that she was only ever intimate with my dad twice in all her life, one of which resulted in me. She wanted more children, but assumed that it'd happen (how I don't know). I cried for her lack of loving, intimacy, being looked after, cared for, having a partner, having a future.

Now my dad is 75 and not all that well, and my mam hasn't the heart to split up. They live in the same house, but have not spoken a word in 2 1/2 months. One will call me from upstairs, and the other from downstairs, but to put together a joint groceries order. That is no way for anyone to live. I had a right go at my mam last wk for allowing this to happen, which was wrong for me to do...but I am so frustrated.

superman28

The good news is your not married.. so pack your bags.. The catholic church lobby group ensured that it takes a miserable 5 years to get a divorce in this country.. instead of about 5 months in the UK.

So find somewhere else for you and your son to stay.. stay committed your partner will come grovelling back to you because his whole existance revovles around being a sponge.. so you must prepare not to take him back under any circumstances.. You have already made up your mind you are leaving its just a question of when... I wouldn't waste anymore time.. you and your son deserve better..