not maternal yet

LegacyUser

I'm 33 and I love my husband dearly. We planned to have children at some stage from the start of our relationship and we're going to start trying very soon. Problem is I don't feel maternal or broody at all. I quite like my sleep and my peace and quiet and sometimes I'm not sure if I'm ready to have that taken away. If I'm to be honest, while I like children, when I go to friends houses who have kids I'm pretty much delighted to leave. My friends who are parents seem exhausted and have relationship problems: am I ready to have that kind of life? I don't go mad with excitement when someone at work shows pictures of their nieces or nephews or someone brings in a daughter or son. Whats even more frightening is that I'm meant to be giving up my job to be a stay-at-home mum...that was the plan because of different reasons, especially because my jobs are temporary and low paid and we'd have to pay for childcare. Should I just go for it or wait even longer? My husband is very understanding but he does definitely want children, he has no doubts at all, but at the same time he'll still get to escape to work every day!

Tramps Like Us

Sorry to be blunt but you are too old to be thinking about holding off much longer, if at all. You will, in all likelihood, feel much different about your own kids and you will be the one annoying people with pictures lol

You seem to be focusing on the negatives of having kids but there are many positives too. Theres no reason why you will have any relationship problems. If you don't want to give up work you don't have to.

But if you decide you don't want kids tell your husband so he can make a decision as to whether he wants to continue the relationship without kids or to leave. Don't kick the can down the road and lead him on.

If you are not dead set against having kids and are just nervous I think you should go for it, especially if your husband is a good man who'll be there.

JenEffy

Don't have kids unless you're 100% sure. It's better to regret not having kids than to regret having them.

ivytwine

JenEffy wrote: »

Don't have kids unless you're 100% sure. It's better to regret not having kids to regret having them.

^^^ This.

Some people have kids just because... that's what you do. But it's not fair on them. They have no say about being brought into the world, after all.

Having children is the biggest responsibility any of us get and if you're not feeling it, then don't do it.

Have you and your husband talked about this?

Cork selfbuild

Some people I've known who were on the fenceowns really not sure, kinda they could take it or leave it, who did eventually have them, their pre birth attitude to not being sure about kids completely flipped around to being the best decision they made... But that wouldn't necessarily be universal.

Other kids are annoying compared to your own, parental vision is blind when comparing!

It sounds like yes you might like kids but worries about the lifestyle change it brings... This is something you need to work through, like agree on a Saturday you sleep in and on a Sunday your OH does... What about your life do you not want to change and is there a compromise you can agree together?

LegacyUser

I think you are feeling this way as you see it as a major life change.
Perhaps you see I will have this baby, I will spend all day with it, get up at night and meanwhile nothing will change in his life.

At this stage you need to have a serious chat with your husband about having a baby.

Ask him how will you both manage once you have a baby? Ask him if he is happy to get up at night to a crying child? Is is aware that he won't see his friends as often? Ask him will he mind the child one night a week when go to a night class ect or will he mind the baby on a Saturday afternoon when you met up with friends?
If you give up work it is very important that you have time away from the house and baby and spend some time with adults for your own health and happness.

You have told us that you are in a low paid/temp job at the moment but the reality is when you give up work you will be asking him for money. I know some men give there wife x amount a week and want to know how every cent is spent.
If you give up your job is it important that you would have some money of your own to spend or save as you wish.

The reality is that once you have a child both of your lives will change. It is important that you talk now about this and that you keep talking once you have a baby.