boyfriend breaks my heart

DeniseMc90

hey there. so this is my story.... my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me lately... i never saw it coming at all... he said he didnt love me anymore.... my heart is broke and i am lost... everything for the last 7 years i did i did with him.. we have the same friends. interests etc... we lived together and were each others forst for everything. i have been i with him since i was 16. i am now 23! anybody got any advice??? please i am so lost right now

campo

DeniseMc90 wrote: »

hey there. so this is my story.... my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me lately... i never saw it coming at all... he said he didnt love me anymore.... my heart is broke and i am lost... everything for the last 7 years i did i did with him.. we have the same friends. interests etc... we lived together and were each others forst for everything. i have been i with him since i was 16. i am now 23! anybody got any advice??? please i am so lost right now

Only advice is that it is hard now and will be for a while but it does get easier, and at a such a young age make sure you spend some time with friends and family.
The hurt will soon fade away

DeniseMc90

i know advice is hard for me to take but... i feel like i am insane right now! i thought he loved me right up until 2weeks ago.... i am making myself sick with stress. i just keep saying how cud he do this? how i loved hime more then anyone i knew or ever will know.. i trusted him with my life and i trusted him more then i trusted myself. i thought we were soul mates and now i am alone

campo

DeniseMc90 wrote: »

i know advice is hard for me to take but... i feel like i am insane right now! i thought he loved me right up until 2weeks ago.... i am making myself sick with stress. i just keep saying how cud he do this? how i loved hime more then anyone i knew or ever will know.. i trusted him with my life and i trusted him more then i trusted myself. i thought we were soul mates and now i am alone

It feels like that now but in few months time you will look back at this relationship and say its his loss.

DeniseMc90

i wish that was know. because this is worse then grief over someone dieing! he choose to leave me! i cant get it... i just cant! it doesnt feel like real life

campo

DeniseMc90 wrote: »

i wish that was know. because this is worse then grief over someone dieing! he choose to leave me! i cant get it... i just cant! it doesnt feel like real life

It is like grief as someone has left your life , but just like grief time is a healer

Best thing you can do is concentrate on work / college / family etc and eventually things will get better......trust me

DeniseMc90

you see. all i want is to try and win him bk by been really nice to him but i am getting nothing in return! which sucks.... people tell him not to text him and just wait until he evenyully misses u and then he will text if not u have to leave him go! but my heart is not leaving me leave him go..... anyone got any tips

Virgil°

DeniseMc90 wrote: »

you see. all i want is to try and win him bk by been really nice to him but i am getting nothing in return! which sucks.... people tell him not to text him and just wait until he evenyully misses u and then he will text if not u have to leave him go! but my heart is not leaving me leave him go..... anyone got any tips

Stop texting him. You won't win him back. If he said he doesn't love you anymore all texting will do is annoy him.

Your best bet is to cut all contact and work under the assumption that he isn't going to come back.

Its the worst feeling in the world but it does improve.

KrustyUCC

yeah stop texting it will only drive you crazy

delete his number, on facebook and emails etc

cut all contact

it's a horrible feeling i know as i broke up with gf or 5 and a half yrs a few months ago

just try to keep yourself really busy and surround yourself with friends and family who you know will be there for you

get out and try new things

try to get out for walk or yoga or something physical

it will help get some positive feelings in your body again

Lenmeister

Best thing you can do is take up new hobbies as fast as possible to take your mind off it. Because if you don't you will go crazy and spiral into a deep dark depression. Get active and get out and about. It's rough now but if you stay busy and active it will really help as time passes. If he says he no longer loves you then it's likely he means it. Especially as it came out of nowhere. Sorry to hear about it, hope you get through it ok.

Surround yourself with people that you love and you know will take care of you. In relationships I always find it important that each find their own hobbies, their own friends, because when that relationship ends, someone is going to be left by themselves. You're still young, you'll find someone again, but you need to take time by yourself and figure out who you are.

Stavro Mueller

Also, trying to win him back is not the thing to do. What you're effectively doing is trying to guilt him into it. Like it or not your ex boyfriend made this decision and you're not respecting it. I'm sure he didn't come to the decision lightly but had given it lots of thought before he broke up with you.

The sooner you accept that this is out of your control the sooner you can start to heal. So yes, awful as it seems, you need to cut him out of your life. Delete his number from your phone and don't text or call again. And if you're friends on Facebook remove him. It's not going to do you any good to be seeing his social activities showing up in your feed. Nor possibly seeing pics of him and other women if they come on the scene.

Wibbs

cymbaline wrote: »

Also, trying to win him back is not the thing to do.

Very much so. I'd go further and say the very act of trying to win someone back makes them run away faster. Get yourself back. That's the thing to do. Get your life back, your friends your work/college etc back. It won't be easy after so long as part of a couple, but you will get there. The joke is doing this is the most likely way of getting someone back, but ironically when you do get you and your life back to where you should be I'll bet the house you won't want them back.

DeniseMc90

thanks so much for all the advice! i am doing a little tiny bit better.. everything is new to me. eg- going places on my own. meeting new people without him! there are still days all i do is cry and say why me? why do i deserve this? and everywhere i look i am reminded of him. and my family is hurting too as they really like him! and cant believe he did this u know? i am trying to go for walks everyday but some days are harder then others... i am trying to pull my friends back because when i was with him. we kinda grew apart in ways (stupidly i left that happen) but i know now.... friends and family always first!

zumbar

Hi Denise,

I went through something very similar this time last year - and it's really awful. One of the most traumatic experiences in life. The bad news - the next while is going to be tough as hell, but the good news is you do get through it a stronger person.

some tips :
Cutting contact is very important. I stupidly didn't do this and it just knocked me back to square one every-time it happened. I know how hard it is - but be strong.
Get out and meet new people. My social circle was very mixed up with my exes and going out with them - even when she wasn't around - made me feel very uncomfortable. I took up some new hobbies (indoor rock climbing mostly) met some new people through that - that helped a lot.
Do stuff that you wanted to do but couldn't because of your ex. In my case it was going on holidays that were more backpacker style rather than staying in hotels. Your mileage may vary.

For me going on holidays that I really wanted to go on were what made me turn the corner. You come home in a completely different frame of mind, and you push on from there.

Also someone posted this on boards when I was in bits last year and it helped :
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_get_over_your_ex

Been there, done that - it gets better. Trust me .......

chestylaroux

7 years is a long time to be with someone, especially at such a young age. I know it's really painful but it will get easier.

Don't try to get him back...he's told you everything you need to know about where things stand by ending the relationship.

Why not arrange some nights out with your friends? Anything to take your mind off the hurt. The first few weeks are the worst, then little by little it starts to feel better. Don't look at his facebook, it will kill you (voice of experience!!) - just cut contact as others have mentioned and do you best to pick up your life again.

DeniseMc90

i am so sorry abour your relationship too. its awful and horrible!!. the friends i thought i had have gone to his side which ****ing sucks...they were my friends to u know? i have no heard anything from him in a week which is good for me because thats the longest i have gone with contact... i do think texting him will get hiom back but now i know i am annoying hom not getting hi to say i love you...whch i wud give million euro to hearright now

Stavro Mueller

That's break-ups for you I'm afraid. I hope you can reconnect with your own friends who you lost contact with when you got involved with your ex. As you're learning now, leaving your friends by the wayside when you're all loved up can be a costly mistake.

I sincerely hope that the line "I do think texting him will get him back" is a typo. If it isn't then you are seriously deluded. There is absolutely nothing you can do to get him back. Like it or not, your ex made this decision and you should respect it.

Reading between the lines I get the impression that you became far too dependent on your ex boyfriend and invested too much of yourself in him. It doesn't help that this relationship started when you were basically kids. You know no other life than to be with him. It's understandable that you're grieving and struggling to live life on your own.

You've got to understand that usually when someone breaks up with you they've thought long and hard about it. By the time they get around to actually breaking up they've already moved on in their own head. So while you are still in bits over this bombshell, your ex is in a different place altogether. I get the impression that he's standing firm and not giving you any encouragement. That to me sounds like he has made his mind up. No amount of grovelling (which is in effect what you're doing) is going to get him back.

ShaShaBear

He doesn't love you, and you cannot make him love you, nomatter how many times you text him.

Take stock in the fact that he didn't cheat on you, or abuse you, or just disappear and not explain himself.

He was thoughtful and honest and told you he did not love you any more. And I don't know about you, but I cannot stand being in a relationship with someone that doesn't love me.

Instead of wishing to hear "I love you" from him, get back out onto the dating scene and find someone new to hear it from.

If you keep texting him and harrassing him, it's not a wonder your mutual friends are taking his side.

sammy78

I was in a similar position, 7 years together except i was 17 when we met. I totally understand what you are going through, I just couldn't imagine life without him. I remember texting him a couple of weeks after we broke up, just small talk, hoping he would then admit he made a massive mistake, nope, he reminded me that nothing had changed. I had to go home from work sick that day, was devastated!
What made it worse was that he kept in contact with my family as he got on so well with them but it meant it took me a hell of alot longer to get over him.

I would honestly keep a distance from him, you will do yourself no favours in the long term. One day you will wake up and not think of him and not care where he is and who he is with. I have to admit it took me a few years to get to that point, mainly because i didn't have the distance between us at the start. Go out with friends, even if you don't feel like it, don't force yourself to meet someone because you will just constantly compare him to your ex anyway and just know that we have all been there!!

To give you an update, i am now 35, living with my current bf in a happy relationship, barely give the ex a thought.