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Damning / Hard On Myself

  • 01-10-2013 7:25pm
    #1
    IamtheWalrus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,075 ✭✭✭


    I have realises recently that I'm exceptionally hard on myself. I'm constantly putting myself down. I don't mean the 'oh, I should have passed that exam, I'm stupid' dialogue, it's more subtle. I have some serious self belief issues that I've spent the last 2 years working heavily on. I went through years of bullying in school.

    I'd like to find a good book on how to stop damning myself, how to give myself a break.

    Any one heard of any?


Comments

  • #2
    thegreatgonzo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,623 ✭✭✭thegreatgonzo


    I don't know if it is any good, but Tony Humphreys has a book called Self esteem for Adults. Maybe if you browse through the pop psychology/self help section of one of the bigger bookshops you might find something useful.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for Dummies.

    It's not solely directed at Self-Esteem, but there is a huge focus on it. And it really makes you evaluate alot of the unconscious negative thoughts you're having.


  • #4
    ivytwine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭ivytwine


    I'd really recommend trying mindfulness, it does sound a bit hippy-dippy but it really works.

    If we spoke to our friends the way we speak to ourselves our friends wouldn't talk to us. So be kind, be as kind to yourself as you are to others. Challenge yourself on the thoughts. The big one; does this matter and will it matter in five years' time? And most things don't.


  • #5
    IamtheWalrus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,075 ✭✭✭IamtheWalrus


    ivytwine wrote: »
    If we spoke to our friends the way we speak to ourselves our friends wouldn't talk to us.

    Very true.


  • #6
    stargazer 68
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,165 ✭✭✭stargazer 68


    ivytwine wrote: »
    If we spoke to our friends the way we speak to ourselves our friends wouldn't talk to us. So be kind, be as kind to yourself as you are to others. Challenge yourself on the thoughts. The big one; does this matter and will it matter in five years' time? And most things don't.

    Must remember that for my OH! Told him I am going to put nails into that stick he beats himself with so he can get a better effect! :eek:


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  • #7
    realgirl
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭realgirl


    Mindfulness is brilliant to help with this. I'm currently doing a course in "Loving Kindness" (which includes being loving and kind to yourself)! There is a good book about Self-compassion by Kristen Neff. I personally think that working on self-compassion might be more helpful to you than self-esteem


  • #8
    Animord
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,004 ✭✭✭Animord


    Another vote for Mindfulness - changed the way I see the world. I read The Mindful way through depression. It was well worth the read.


  • #9
    IamtheWalrus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,075 ✭✭✭IamtheWalrus


    I'm half-way through the book below. I wouldn't say I've been meditating of late but I've been spending more time lying down, in silence, thinking. I find it settles my mind and gives me a chance to 'pause', to devote time to me and me alone. I get to figure stuff out this way. I used to hate spending time with my thoughts. If I had a spare minute, I'd lift my iPhone. Eating dinner alone? Put TV on. Washing dishes, put TV on in background even though I'm not watching it. Hopefully with being more mindful I can become more comfortable with being 'me.


    http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Mindful-Manifesto-noticing-stressed-out/dp/1848508247/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top


  • #10
    IamtheWalrus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,075 ✭✭✭IamtheWalrus


    realgirl wrote: »
    I'm currently doing a course in "Loving Kindness" (which includes being loving and kind to yourself)!

    Would you mind elaborating on this?

    I've just finished my first mindfulness book and I'd like to keep going in case I forget it all and go back to bad habits.


  • #11
    neveah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 282 ✭✭neveah


    I suffer from the same problem coupled with anxiety. Someone recommended mindfulness to me and I recently downloaded an App called 'Headspace', it's a meditation app that guides you with 10 minute daily meditations. I've only just started using it but I like it so far. Maybe this is something you could try along with the mindfulness book that you are reading. It's only 10 minutes a day so it doesn't require a lot of time, plus it's easy to use on the go as it is on your phone you can meditate wherever you want if you have a pair of headphones. Simples :)


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  • #12
    realgirl
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭realgirl


    IamtheWalrus wrote: »
    Would you mind elaborating on this?

    I've just finished my first mindfulness book and I'd like to keep going in case I forget it all and go back to bad habits.

    There's quite a lot of information if you google it but I think this more or less covers how to do the meditation http://m.wikihow.com/Practice-Loving-Kindness-Meditation-(Metta)
    If you find the meditation helps you then I think you'd probably benefit from doing a course in it to learn more about other elements of it such as gratitude and generosity. Hope this is helpful.


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