Justifiably annoyed?

Vision of Disorder

So a few back months I met a girl. A rather lovely one who lives in my home city (which I had moved a couple of hours from a few months previously to that but still spend most weekends in).

We sent a lot of messages back and forth across text, Viber and Facebook during the week for a coupla weeks. She invited me to a houseparty she was throwing, we made out. We met again the following day and made out some more. Ditto for the next day when I was back in town for a match.

After that she decides that it is too soon for her to get back into a relationship (she was, to be fair, single for about a week before we met) because she doesn't, and I quote, "want to mess this up by doing things too fast". I explain that I wasn't about to propose or anything of the sort but fair enough and so be it. We return to near constant contact during the week and weekend meet ups where it suited both our timetables.

In that time there is, to be fair once more, no making out but plenty of small-time physical contact and repeated comments from her regarding my awesome husband/father potantial and overall high performance in the acts of being "epic" (her word not mine). She also makes plans to come and stay with me in my new home town a couple of times (and bails, for reasons that are, on the surface at least, pretty legitimate) and, once, slips up verbally and refers to herself as my girlfriend. I, for my part, have respected the boundaries she's set out but made it clear throughout that I still have an interest in her that is not in any real manner platonic. We spent the last month and a half or so in this sort of limboesque state of I'm not quite sure what.

I'm back home for the week and had provisional plans made to spend some time with her Thursday evening/night. Had a quick look at my Facebook this morning to see that at about 4am (some five hours after she told me she was going to bed but that's me being a bit pedantic) she changed her relationship status to "being in a relationship". Now, putting aside the unlikely scenario that she has decided we're a couple now and just hasn't confirmed it with me I find myself a bit annoyed at this on a couple of levels.

While she can obviously date whoever she wants I do feel that I was probably due some sort of heads up given the multiple messages we've been exchanging daily since we met and the level of mild to moderate flirtation she persisted with throughout our exchanges? Or am I being an over sensitive jerk?

Also, I have very little inclination to hang out and play "friends" on Thursday now. A fair reaction or a gross over-reaction on my part? I don't wanna act like a complete dickhead because she is a nice girl but at the same time, aside from putting up an act of being a mature, well grounded man who'll happily take the high road, I don't see any good reason to put us both through a few hours of awkward company for some benefits that I can't even imagine? I'm more inclined at the moment to head back home (new home that is) a few days early and immerse myself in GTAV and Fifa14.

So, in a nutshell, I guess I'm curious to know people's thoughts on the following questions:

1) Am I being over-sensitive in being hurt at not told that this new boyfriend was in the works? I'm inclined to think that I am being a small bit precious but that she could (and should) have been more upfront about stuff too.

2) Am I unreasonable in being a bit annoyed at the fact that I read about it on Facebook? Like I presume she didn't meet this guy yesterday? I do kinda feel like there were countless opportunities to slip it into one of the thousands of messages she's sent in the last few weeks.

3) Am I just an assclown if I don't meet her Thursday now? I don't feel like I am, given that I've made it clear from day one that my interest has never been platonic but I am curious as to how others would react?

Cheers for reading Gentlemen. Have at me.

Vision of Disorder

Vision of Disorder wrote: »

So a few months I met a girl. A rather lovely one who lives in my home city (which I had moved a couple of hours from a few months previously to that but still spend most weekends in).

We sent a lot of messages back and forth across text, Viber and Facebook during the week for a coupla weeks. She invited me to a houseparty she was throwing, we made out. We met again the following day and made out some more. Ditto for the next day when I was back in town for a match.

After that she decides that it is too soon for her to get back into a relationship (she was, to be fair, single for about a week before we met) because she doesn't, and I quote, "want to mess this up by doing things too fast". I explain that I wasn't about to propose or anything of the start but fair enough and so be it. We return to near constant contact during the week and weekend meet ups where it suited both our timetables.

In that time there is, to be fair once more, no making out but plenty of small-time physical contact and repeated comments from her regarding my awesome husband/father potantial and overall high performance in the acts of being "epic" (her word not mine). She also makes plans to come and stay with me in my new home town a couple of times (and bails, for reasons that are, on the surface at least, pretty legitimate) and, once, slips up verbally and refers to herself as my girlfriend. I, for my part, have respected the boundaries she's set out but made it clear throughout that I still have an interest in her that is not in any real manner platonic. We spent the last month and a half or so in this sort of limboesque state of I'm not quite sure what.

I'm back home for the week and had provisional plans made to spend some time with her Thursday evening/night. Had a quick look at my Facebook this morning to see that at about 4am (some five hours after she told me she was going to bed but that's me being a bit pedantic) she changed her relationship status to "being in a relationship". Now, putting aside the unlikely scenario that she has decided we're a couple now and just hasn't confirmed it with me I find myself a bit annoyed at this on a couple of levels.

While she can obviously date whoever she wants I do feel that I was probably due some sort of heads up given the multiple messages we've been exchanging daily since we met and the level of mild to moderate flirtation she persisted with throughout our exchanges? Or am I being an over sensitive jerk?

Also, I have very little inclination to hang out and play "friends" on Thursday now. A fair reaction or a gross over-reaction on my part? I don't wanna act like a complete dickhead because she is a nice girl but at the same time, aside from putting up an act of being a mature, well grounded man who'll happily take the high road, I don't see any good reason to put us both through a few hours of awkward company for some benefits that I can't even imagine? I'm more inclined at the moment to head back home (new home that is) a few days early and immerse myself in GTAV and Fifa14.

So, in a nutshell, I guess I'm curious to know people's thoughts on the following questions:

1) Am I being over-sensitive in being hurt at not told that this new boyfriend was in the works? I'm inclined to think that I am being a small bit precious but that she could (and should) have been more upfront about stuff too.

2) Am I unreasonable in being a bit annoyed at the fact that I read about it on Facebook? Like I presume she didn't meet this guy yesterday? I do kinda feel like there were countless opportunities to slip it into one of the thousands of messages she's sent in the last few weeks.

3) Am I just an assclown if I don't meet her Thursday now? I don't feel like I am, given that I've made it clear from day one that my interest has never been platonic but I am curious as to how others would react?

Cheers for reading Gentlemen. Have at me.

She strung you along until she made up her mind, just in case the other guy didn't make a move. You're under no obligation to play back-up to her after she's messed with you like that.

Tell her you're busy watching television, or paint drying or something, and be glad you aren't going to be on the receiving end of her selfish dramatics indefinitely.

Lucky escape, no need to be excessively polite about it either.

D'Agger

OP I've moved this to Relationship issues as I think it's best suited for this forum.

Any issues with this, let me know via PM

Vision of Disorder

Candie wrote: »

She strung you along until she made up her mind, just in case the other guy didn't make a move. You're under no obligation to play back-up to her after she's messed with you like that.

Tell her you're busy watching television, or paint drying or something, and be glad you aren't going to be on the receiving end of her selfish dramatics indefinitely.

Lucky escape, no need to be excessively polite about it either.

That's kinda what I feel like right now myself to be honest but I am curious as to how it looks from the outside. I've legitimately been as fair as I possibly can in laying out what happened. I can't disagree with a word you said really.

D'Agger wrote: »

OP I've moved this to Relationship issues as I think it's best suited for this forum.

Any issues with this, let me know via PM

No issues whatsoever, I'm still quite new to Boards and wasn't sure where to put it. Thanks.

MissFlitworth

Maybe find out if she actually is in a relationship and didn't just do something thick with her facebook profile while online in the middle of the night? I have a single male friend who can't figure out how to get 'engaged' off his facebook profile

Vision of Disorder

Vision of Disorder wrote: »

That's kinda what I feel like right now myself to be honest but I am curious as to how it looks from the outside.

It looks like it feels, unfortunately. You owe her nothing, and she owes you an apology. She'd be a nightmare girlfriend so at least she spared you finding that out further down the line.

Enjoy the GTA, and breathe a sigh of relief you found out sooner rather than later what a selfish headwreck she is.

Vision of Disorder

MissFlitworth wrote: »

Maybe find out if she actually is in a relationship and didn't just do something thick with her facebook profile while online in the middle of the night? I have a single male friend who can't figure out how to get 'engaged' off his facebook profile

Crossed my mind. Seems fairly unlikely. Though in support of your theory there is no other person linked to the relationship yet (I've forbidden myself to go looking at her profile again though)! :P

Big Bag of Chips

It could be her rather awkward way of telling you she is now officially your gf?

The only way to find out is to ask.

Contact her before you are supposed to meet up, and just ask her. Tell her you saw her Facebook status and were wondering what's going on.

She will then either tell you that she is "in a relationship" with you - or she will tell you it's someone else, at which point you can wish her well and tell her it's obviously best if you don't keep your arranged date.

Vision of Disorder

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

It could be her rather awkward way of telling you she is now officially your gf?

The only way to find out is to ask.

Contact her before you are supposed to meet up, and just ask her. Tell her you saw her Facebook status and were wondering what's going on.

She will then either tell you that she is "in a relationship" with you - or she will tell you it's someone else, at which point you can wish her well and tell her it's obviously best if you don't keep your arranged date.

That's a staggeringly mature response. I'm not sure I have it in me to be honest! More seriously, it is good advice, I think I'll give it a few hours anyway though, clear the old head, let the dust settle somewhat, maybe go for a run.

_dublinlad_

Have you asked her about it??

If it does turn out to be another guy then you owe this girl nothing. Be polite, tell her your point of view on the whole thing in a clear and non-melodramatic way and distance yourself/cut contact with this girl for a while.

She did string you along and wasn't forthcoming with her honest feelings, but that doesn't make her a bad person.

Learn from this experience and move on.

Vision of Disorder

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

Have you asked her about it??

If it does turn out to be another guy then you owe this girl nothing. Be polite, tell her your point of view on the whole thing in a clear and non-melodramatic way and distance yourself/cut contact with this girl for a while.

She did string you along and wasn't forthcoming with her honest feelings, but that doesn't make her a bad person.

Learn from this experience and move on.

That's kinda Plan A to be honest, thanks, good to see somebody else thinks the same way!

wallycharlo

If she is indeed now in a relationship with someone else, then she is then not worth bothering with OP, even as just a friend. Considering your history with her as you have described it, then she should certainly have given you a heads up.

DamagedTrax

most single ladies that i know have their relationship status set to 'in a relationship' to stop all the creepy marriage proposals and what not, that they get on a daily basis using social networking.

maybe thats why?

Big Bag of Chips

By the way... It should be very easy to find out who it is. Once a girl changes her relationship status, its usually followed by a flurry of... "Oooh... It must be serious", "[John/Paul/Ringo etc] is a lucky man" etc.

Have a look!

If it there's nothing there, wait to see what she has to say for herself. If there is something there, and it's not about you, just forget her. Don't even bother with a "good luck" response!

heretochat

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

It could be her rather awkward way of telling you she is now officially your gf?

The only way to find out is to ask.

Contact her before you are supposed to meet up, and just ask her. Tell her you saw her Facebook status and were wondering what's going on.

She will then either tell you that she is "in a relationship" with you - or she will tell you it's someone else, at which point you can wish her well and tell her it's obviously best if you don't keep your arranged date.

That was the exact same conclusion that I came to after reading the original post but it being a Monday I was wondering was I still half asleep and missig something..

snookerwidow

sounds from what you have said that you are probably the new relationship? Possibly an awkward conversation to come where she'll blame a friend for changing her status etc but maybe this is her way of fending off others who might be trying to get in there! I wouldn't worry too much about the time of the posts - I have often posted from my phone and then it turns up hours later on Facebook - possibly network issues at the house etc. What you do is just say 'congratulations' and insert a smiley face underneath the post about her relationship change - that should force the conversation a bit!

She calls herself your girlfriend sometimes and has now changed status
Seems pretty obvious this is in reference to you and you're jumping the gun a bit? I mean, it's only facebook
Just ask her what is going on

tinkerbell

I agree with the others - I think she means you!! Check your facebook, you may have gotten a notification to be added as her boyfriend.

LegacyUser

Another example of how invasive that abomination that is FB can be in one's life. I abhor such a tool for making positive things like relationships so inanimate.
In my life I never wanted to share such information, it's absolutely nobody's business apart from the two people involved.

OP, call the girl and see where you stand. Do not conduct a relationship over FB.

Obliq

My first thought was she's changed it to fend off unwanted advances, as she seems to have played it straight with you so far. Being honest with you about wanting to wait a bit, even if it's put you in limbo, to make sure the right man for her is actually commendable.

I understand that's put you in the position of not being able to commit to feelings for this girl, one way or another, so right now you're justifiably playing it safe and imagining there's a fella you haven't heard of and the possibility she's been a b*tch to you. I hope that's not the case, as you seem like a sound lad and I wish you the best of luck!

How about sending a text to say "Face book tells me you're in a relationship. News to me! Who's the lucky man?"

Merkin

I think you really need to ask her bud.

Vision of Disorder

For all the dreamers and romantics in this thread, alas she was not talking about me! For the cynics and realists, good call!

Colonel Panic

Ouch! Sucks being kept on the hook like that but you're definitely better off.

Obliq

Vision of Disorder wrote: »

For all the dreamers and romantics in this thread, alas she was not talking about me! For the cynics and realists, good call!

Sh*te. You deserve better treatment OP. Just to say, I was damn cynical till I met the fella, and would have considered the "glass half empty" to be realistic. Doesn't always pan out this way - sometimes things work out. You honestly sound very mature and decent so hope this experience doesn't colour things black for you. Go enjoy some GTA and well wear to your new home. Fresh start, eh?

Merkin

Ouch. I wouldn't grace her with the pleasure of your company under the guise of friendship then, I think she has been quite unfair to you and has led you a merry dance. I'd be cancelling Thursday if I were you.

ABajaninCork

You're well rid. Just imagine - if she stayed around and did that, what would happen further down the road?? :eek:

Karma's a right biatch! She'll get hers.

CaraMay

That was really mean of her.

wallycharlo

Vision of Disorder wrote: »

For all the dreamers and romantics in this thread, alas she was not talking about me! For the cynics and realists, good call!

From what I gather from your own posts OP I would imagine that you are most likely not surprised that the glass has ended up half empty.

To be honest with you if some girl was telling all and sundry that the two of you are an item before the two of you had actually discussed / agreed on the same, then I would find that quite disturbing in any case ...

wirelessdude01

She obviously had two or not more lads on the go. Thank your lucky stars that it's all over now and not further down the line when it would have been far worse. What goes around comes around in the end and it will for her.

y0ssar1an22

Merkin wrote: »

I think you really need to ask her bud.

I'd really like to ask her bud

beks101

CaraMay wrote: »

That was really mean of her.

I agree, that's sort of angered me now, she essentially fed you a pack of lies to string you along, probably because she liked the ego boost.

Well rid OP, you'll see that with time & perspective. You deserve more respect & honesty than that.