Ex bf texting

LegacyUser

Hey,

This is a bit of a weird situation. My ex boyfriend from 15 years ago sends me a text message every year on our anniversary. We went out for a few year and I ended it. We didn't speak for about a year after we finished as he took it very badly, but after that we became friends.

Every year since then on our 'anniversary' he sends me a text message. He has a girlfriend and I live with my boyfriend. This morning I got a text saying happy anniversary!! I showed it to my bf and he wasn't very happy about it.

Is this very strange behaviour? My bf told me not to respond as it's only enabling this odd behaviour. What would you do? Not a big deal but some opinions would be nice!

Typer Monkey

Just tell him to knock it off as you don't think it's appropriate. He might just think it's a little in joke between you two or something

blatantrereg

It's inappropriate. Your bf is correct.

P. Breathnach

It's odd, and I think that he should not do it. If the relationship is over, the anniversary should have no particular significance, and certainly should not be an occasion for celebration. It would be preferable that he remember your birthday.

I suggest that you tell him as gently as you can (because I imagine that he does not mean any harm) that it makes you uncomfortable.

LegacyUser

Yeah, I find it inappropiate too and if I was his gf I'd be really annoyed and confused by it!
Also, he has said to gfs over the years if he was asked to chose between me and them he'd choose me. It's uncomfortable. He used to get upset when I was with anyone too.
Anyway, not sure if I should reply, he gets upset if I don't. Very strange

Czarcasm

I wouldn't even bother entertaining him tbh, it's his way of keeping that "one that got away" link with you.

Easily sorted by downloading a number blocking app and thinking no more about it.

fungun

bit odd he even remembers it, i cant remember an anniversary with any ex, i struggle to remember my own!!

so yeah, if it makes you or your bf uncomfortable, id ask him to knock it off. Though rather than saying it makes you or your bf uncomfortable, might be easier to suggest it more generally...like "Im not sure your gf would like you sending me a happy anniversary text, think it might be time to stop "

Obliq

You want to be at his beck and call once a year? Answer. You want to be shot of him? Don't.

It might be flattering that he still contacts you, but make no mistake, this is about who is still interested in him (15 years on) and who isn't. Are you, or aren't you? He's stringing you along, and do you like that?

CaraMay

15 years later? That's v v bizarre. Tell him out straight that you think it's bizarre that he still thinks if your anniversary 15 years later and you would like him to stop.

dobman88

You have a very understanding bf if he didn't ask you to tell this guy to gtfo. Very weird behaviour by the ex. If you do reply, tell him in no uncertain way that yu do not want to be contacted, sounds a bit creepy tbh

Turtwig

Op,

Any chance the messages are scheduled automatically and your ex is oblivious to them?

If not then it's exceptionally weird behavior that he needs to cut out.

Merkin

Grimothy Dalton wrote: »

Anyway, not sure if I should reply, he gets upset if I don't. Very strange

I can't believe you're even asking that question. You're in a relationship with someone else. Why would you allow someone to have any kind of hold of you after fifteen years? Why not break the tradition yourself and either tell him to p1ss off or ignore him, then you mightn't get one next year?

Starokan

Maybe its a tradition for your ex but its a tradition that upsets you and after 15 years is very unusual.

My advice would be respect your current relationship and do not reply. Or if you feel the need to not ignore send one text stating that you would rather end this habit as its disrespectful to your partner

Big Bag of Chips

Why do you care if he gets upset when you don't reply?

-Don't reply.
-He'll get upset and probably cop on that what he's doing is not appreciated.
-The texts will (might) stop.

I really don't see why after 15 years you are worried about him being upset by an unanswered text. You're both in other relationships.

You don't owe him anything, least of all a response to such a text.

Edit: How do you even reply to that? "Thanks. You too"?? Ignore him or tell him to stop. They are your 2 options.

LegacyUser

OP, what an odd man this is. First off, there is no anniversary to commemorate.

Ignore him and leave him to his current GF. One relationship's anniversaries is all anyone should celebrate/remember.

December2012

Personally I would not ignore him, but I would simply respond with "these texts are inappropriate. Do not send them again".

Caonima

Jesus.... (and my reply might be ban-worthy)....

I hate girls like you. This "my ex BF ....." garbage. You love the attention, love that your now-BF hates it, and want more attention on this website. If you were a half-normal person, you'd have a bit more dignity and a little more understanding of your now-BF's feelings and just block/remove your ex, and/or change your number. You have no idea how messy something like this can get, because your ego is just creaming itself.

My GF's ex kept messaging her late at night here last year. I got p'ed off and got her phone and messaged him back, saying I'd like to meet him the next day "for coffee (wink)". Arrived at the Starbucks the next day, looked for his face (the instant messenger had his photo), found him, and sat down and had a very serious talk with him. He never messaged her again.

You don't seem to realise that you're antagonising the situation by keeping in contact. You're deluding yourself into thinking it's innocent but you can't know for sure. Guys the world over keep in touch with exes just in case an easy ride comes up. However many years down the line it is with you and that guy, it's always on the cards. Now, stop being such a ***** and just do something about it. You've no idea how much that will mean to your now-BF.

CaraMay

He doesn't deserve her understanding 15 years later

MagicMarker

Op, why are you maintaining a friendship with someone who clearly wants more?

Cork selfbuild

Just text him on the date you broke up saying this is the real anniversary I celebrate...

See how he likes them apples.

But on a serious point, you must have replied the last 14 years to this or not told him to stop considering he is still at it... I would reply saying "stop texting me, its inappropiate, number blocked"

ABajaninCork

Just block the number from your phone. No fuss, no drama. And no annoying ex!

And why would you show the text to your BF anyway? That's a little weird. No wonder he was p1ssed off!

BraziliaNZ

MagicMarker wrote: »

Op, why are you maintaining a friendship with someone who clearly wants more?

What makes you think he wants more? They went out for a few years 15 years ago, and then were best friends up until now. I'm not defending his actions but it doesn't really sound like he's still in love with her or anything, some people just get very sentimental about stupid things like this.

Ickle Magoo

Caonima site-banned.

Associated off-topic posts deleted.