Why did he treat me badly?

LegacyUser

this is going to seem very stupid but Im looking for any advice on it. I'm 22 years old.

I was with a guy for a few years. On and off, never officially bf and gf. He didnt ever want to commit. He treated me quite badly. Basically just wanted one thing, and even though he knew I felt strongly for him, he kept it up. He would say one thing and do another. Lying to get what he wanted. Now Im not shouldering all the blame on him. I should have had more cop on to end it, and walk away, but I didnt, and thats my fault. Ive learnt my lesson now. We dont speak anymore and I avoid him like the plague.

but recently he's started going out with someone exclusively. And he treats her like a princess. I know this through mutual friends. Its really silly that it hurts me because I honestly dont have feelings anymore, but Im really upset that he could be so horrible to me and treat this girl like royalty. I wasnt a bad person, I practically counselled him when he was going through rough patches and so on.....

I know its really juvenile, I guess Im just a little stung by it. And I dont know why. I cant help but feel there was something wrong with me

dellas1979

There is nothing wrong with you m'dear.

But hanging around that long, hoping he'd change (for you), just sucks the life out of a person (you). Do you think he cares what you did for him?

You are young, lesson learnt as you said. If someone isnt willing to give you what you need and want, run for the hills as soon as you realise. Dont be all helpful and woeful, looking after them, councelling them, (thats what their mammies are for ), in the hope that they'll change their minds.

LegacyUser

Dont be beating yourself up about it, there is nothing wrong with you at all. He just wasn't interested in you. He used you while he could for sex and that was it. You had strong feelings for him and he knew this and played on it knowing that you would always be there when he wanted sex. You are only 22 and life and relationships are a learning curve. You now should know what to look out for and recognize that kind of using behaviour in a bloke and hopefully not fall for it again.

P. Breathnach

Poor you!

He treated you badly because he was able to - you allowed it. That's very much to his discredit, but it probably doesn't lessen the hurt.

You say that you have learned your lesson, and I hope that is true. I just want to focus on the lesson you should have learned: that there are people who will unscrupulously take advantage of others, and you have been exploited by one such person. The good news is that far more people behave honourably, so don't be put off too much. There are good guys out there, and you should now have better skills in identifying the type you should avoid.

beks101

Why did he treat you badly? Because he's an aRsehole, quite simply.

Why is he treating this new one "like a princess" - because it suits him. He's obviously in some kind of love flush and feels like playing the part of Boyfriend of the Year, for whatever reason.

All you need to know is he is capable of treating someone as disrespectfully and inconsiderately as he did you - and that will always remain true. Even when he reaches the stage with this new girl where the shine has worn off and he's ready to move on. Then she'll be vulnerable to this same treatment.

Try not to internalize. You're in your early dating years, you met an aRsehole and you entertained him for longer than you should have, because you fancied him and you're a nice person and probably wanted to believe the same was true of him. It wasn't, so use all the bad signs and mistreatments in this relationship as a life lesson and next time you spot them in someone new, run a country mile.