Found out he was married

LegacyUser

I found out that the guy I was seeing casually is married. We went out about six times and I slept with him twice. I swear on my life, that I would NEVER have slept with him if I had any idea. Last night I got a phone call from his friend, who I met before. He told me about his wife and child because he thought I was a nice person and he felt that I had a right to know. Now I feel so used and dirty and I have been crying and nearly threw up about five times. I kind of had a feeling that something wasn't right but I never suspected this. His friend called me back today, to see if I was okay. He said I should stop blaming myself, that I am not at fault. My own friend said that some people are just plain and utter liars...they lie to anybody and everybody. They call them "Sociopaths". Individuals who manipulate others for their own ends. I am so angry and I feel like a right bloody eejit.

bp

How were you to know this guy was an a$$??? You couldn't have so stop blaming yourself. Delete his number and don't see him anymore.

This seems to be an open secret in this guys circle. You are well rid

December2012

You only saw him casually so you've no way of knowing. If somebody wants to cheat they will, and they'll use all the tricks in the book.

Don't feel bad.

Do think about getting your self checked out for STIs.

lmos

So sorry OP. Just a horrible thing to happen. There are some ass*S in this world, but not everyone is like that...its a lesson learned, and at least his friend did the decent thing and told you, before you got any further into it!

SuperSean11

December2012 wrote: »

Do think about getting your self checked out for STIs.

Why? And op not your fault. If it was me personally I'd think about telling his partner, an anonymous letter maybe?

December2012

SuperSean11 wrote: »

Why? And op not your fault. If it was me personally I'd think about telling his partner, an anonymous letter maybe?

Because it's likely that he was at least having unprotected sex with his wife, and possibly others.

moochers

Stop beating yourself up about this. You did nothing wrong. He is a liar and a creep and you are well rid.

He may grovel and say the typical bull **** like how his wife neglects him, he is only staying for the sake of his child, etc, etc, but totally ignore him if he does.

There are lots of unattached decent single men out there.

Good luck OP, he is the one totally at fault, not you.

The_Valeyard

Dick move by the guy OP.

Not your fault.

You sure he is still married and not seperated?

Either way he never told ya, it sucks.

SuperSean11

December2012 wrote: »

Because it's likely that he was at least having unprotected sex with his wife, and possibly others.

Not really no more likely of having an STD than anyone else

CommanderC

SuperSean11 wrote: »

Not really no more likely of having an STD than anyone else

Someone who has multiple sexual partners is no more likely to have an STD that someone who remains with one sexual partner ?.....what ??

OP- it is common sense to get yourself checked. Assume that he is not only cheating on his wife with you, but with multiple other people. No harm in protecting yourself.

Forever Hopeful

Most married men aren't happy so don't feel bad. I've hooked up with plenty of marrieds and they are miserable. I'm the only light in their tunnel Get over it love, men are $h*t...ha ha ha ha ha

SuperSean11

CommanderC wrote: »

Someone who has multiple sexual partners is no more likely to have an STD that someone who remains with one sexual partner ?.....what ??
.

Anybody could have an STD therefore haveing sex with anyone carries a risk?

Forever Hopeful

SuperSean11 wrote: »

Anybody could have an STD therefore haveing sex with anyone carries a risk?

I love shagin when I've an std...ah spreadin' the love......yer alll sad pathetic morons for fcuk sake...

Big Bag of Chips

Forever Hopeful banned for a week

Stavro Mueller

Oh you poor thing. It goes to show what a good person you are that this bombshell has affected you like this. Try to remember that you went out with this guy in good faith. It's not your fault that he turned out to be a cheating liar. It's only natural that you're going to feel used, embarrassed, disappointed, angry etc. for the next while. Who wouldn't?

Da Shins Kelly

SuperSean11 wrote: »

Anybody could have an STD therefore haveing sex with anyone carries a risk?

Absolutely no harm in getting checked. Don't know why you're discouraging it, tbh.

njs030

There's many reasons that this man could be cheating ranging from being an a$$hole who wants his wife/family life and a bit on the side right down to the other extreme of a man that is in an
unhappy/sexless/loveless/hate-filled 'relationship' in name only.

Your man could be at either end or somewhere in the middle....BUT whatever his reasons he is currently in a commited relationship and choosing not to leave it and he can't give you anything more than scraps of time.

Please op delete his number and don't get sucked into excuses. If he wants to end his relationship he knows where you are.

Be strong x

MouseTail

Fair play to the friend for contacting you, that was a courageous and honest thing to do.

I know you must be shaken OP, but be thankful you weren't too invested, and do not ignore those warning bells in future.

guillespe

This guy excuse the language ****er sounds like a real sleezebag,he has a partner and a kid,and just forgot to mention that part to you.

A collegue of mine was meeting up with this guy for a drink he asked her out,and she said yes,then she heard off a mutual acquaintance that he actually was living with a partner,she found this out before she met up with him,and the first question out of her mouth was ''hows your partner''?And that finished that.

It is awfully unfortunate you did not find out the true nature of this man,before sleeping with him.

I wouldnt say it is your fault,and no part of the blame should be apportioned to you.


I would advise you given the fact he lied to you about something so serious i would say your best option is to never see him again,there is no scope to end this on amicable grounds either, he is a sleeze,and your friend is right he sounds like a sociopath,lies to suit himself.

Rubylolz

He's a moron, count it as a lucky escape. Move on with your life, you sound like a nice person that deserves better. Hopefully his 'Friend' might also have the balls to tell his wife!...

LegacyUser

It is a horrible position to be in but you are well rid of this sleezebag.
The same thing happened to a freind of mine a number of years ago.

She saw a picture of her boyfreind, his wife and 2 children in a trade magazine and when she asked him is that your wife and children he told her I only married her as she was pregnant.
My friend told him where to go once she found this out but he kept ringing her after this.

Like you my friend would have no interest in going out with a married man.
If you had sex without a condom I would get checked out.

I know you feel bad at the moment but it was not your fault. Be glad that your freind found out about him and told you now rather that you finding out much later.

prizefighter

This might be my cynical side taking over but is there any way his overly concerned friend is interested in you and is spinning you a line to end your casual fling with the supposedly married man while he looks like a genuinely kind and well intentioned knight in shining armour. Keep your eye out for the friend's intentions.

Honey-ec

prizefighter wrote: »

This might be my cynical side taking over but is there any way his overly concerned friend is interested in you and is spinning you a line to end your casual fling with the supposedly married man while he looks like a genuinely kind and well intentioned knight in shining armour. Keep your eye out for the friend's intentions.

I think that's what's known as grasping at straws, tbh.

prizefighter

Honey-ec wrote: »

I think that's what's known as grasping at straws, tbh.

I've heard of guys doing much more drastic things to undermine a friend's relationship and try and swoop in.

amtc

been wondering about this.

I was having a relationship (or so I thought) a few years ago with a guy. Bizarrely his landline stopped working and he just didn't get round to getting it fixed (pressure of work), and his new smartphone blocked location info. Lost his keys, so I had to give him my set. Frequent business trips, which wouldn't have been uncommon in work. Always in touch, mind you.

Bumped into mutual ex work colleague who said to me 'didn't know x was seeing y'....picked up my stuff later, and there were tampons in the bathroom and blonde shampoo..apparently both for his mother who is 74 and dark.

That was the end of that!