Weekends no fun

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Late 20s female, living in small rural town for work. My issue is I have no one to hang around with at weekends. I live alone and I am very independent. I am content in my own company, love nights in watching a movie, or chilling out to music etc. However, it does get a bit much sometimes at weekends and I would like to have something to do/look forward to, especially after a hard weeks work!

Long story short, I haven't had the best run of luck with people down through the years. Down through the years, in all the different places I have been, college/houseshares/work, I always have a group of friends to hang around with in that direct time and place. However, the friends I make have never really kept in contact with me after college/houseshare ends, despite many attempts by me and invites/organising nights out, they don't take up the offers.

I have enough self awareness to realise that this can't be a simple coincidence and that there must be something 'about me' that people just don't want to/can't be bothered to maintain a friendship. I am not a nasty person, so its not as if I have done something horrible to these people, but people just always seem to flake on me.

I don't have any luck in love either, although I am considered to be a 'good looking' woman. However, I am in my late 20s now, so I am at peace with the fact that I am one of those people who isn't lucky with people, either in terms of friendship or romance. The only people who care about me are my family, I realise I am lucky to have family.
However, I feel like I am wasting my youth. I am based in a rural town, as I was lucky enough to get a job here, in a profession where they are little job opportunities, for that I am grateful.

My present situation is that I have lovely friends from work, we used to have many nights out, but they all have boyfriends/fiancés now and the nights out at weekends are no longer happening, they are busy doing things with their partners. I am still in contact with my best friend from college, she is at the other end of the country, we chat often on the phone, I try to arrange meet ups, but she always bails. I had another good friend here locally, but she has emigrated.

The Big Smoke

Meetup.com is usually a great way to meet people and usually has a community for most places, I joined it myself a while ago after breaking up with the ex.

Good luck!

Cork selfbuild

Hi Nofun,

Couple of questions, nothing meant by them just curious to try understand really...

You say you are content with yourself and your own time, have you blown off requests to go out in the past from your friends, because you just wanted to chill or have you always (more or less) taken people up on invites?

You also say you live rural, I'm the many attempts you have tried to organise nights out, we're they in your rural location of in a bigger town that was easier accessible by people? Did it involve staying over etc or a quick cab ride?

People are more selfish with their time as they grow up IMO, which is not a reflection on you, school friends fade away when you go to college, college friends fade when you start working, everyone moves on really...

What i would suggest is write a list of your hobbies and interests and go find is there a localish group, you mention movies, is there a film club? Do you like photography? I would suggest leaving friends in the past that you cannot see being in the future, then who knows, finding new friends in shared interests, may lead to more...

If its out of your comfort zone, I would say just take a deep breath and go for it, you are still young, what have you got to loose? Rather than being worried about wasting your youth!

ivytwine

But you do have friends? As the above poster says, when you live in an isolated area it is hard for people to come to you. When you're working the weeks melt away, when you have a partner things tend to get lost.

OP you say you're happy where you are workwise, but in the grand scheme of things is it worth it? You don't have to waste your youth. Go travelling, move to a city, do anything. A job is just a job, despite how society obsess over careers. Your life and happiness and youth are far more important!

hypersonic

I don't think there is anything wrong with you! at your age people are coupled up and really have very little interest in 5th wheels, they are in a different groove and you just don't fit the mold.

as I see it you can either make peace with you situation or start making changes because it's all up to you now!

Grainne101

Op I think you need to look around your area and find something that interests you in your area, common interests with people will mean new friends and most importantly in your locality! Don't know where abouts you are but I would suggest trying macra na feirme, simply because a lot of rural areas would have a club nearby and you'll be able to meet lots of people your own age and they do a lot of things beyond what people associate immediately. Beyond that you could try joining a GAA club or some other sports group that will give you a opportunity to meet new people in your area. With luck you will develop new friends and give you more weekend activities. Good luck op!

Merkin

ivytwine wrote: »

OP you say you're happy where you are workwise, but in the grand scheme of things is it worth it? You don't have to waste your youth. Go travelling, move to a city, do anything. A job is just a job, despite how society obsess over careers. Your life and happiness and youth are far more important!

If it's at all feasible you should think of moving to a city or somewhere with a decent buzz about the place OP!

iusedtoknow

Merkin wrote: »

If it's at all feasible you should think of moving to a city or somewhere with a decent buzz about the place OP!

I would agree with this - If you're in Ireland there aren't too many places that are that far away from a city.

I used to know someone who worked in Bantry and lived in Cork - bit of a trek every day, but they said it was completely worth it..

ruaille buaille

Im a girl in my late 20s aswell and like u I havent had much luck in the friends or relationship side of things. It used to really get me down and I used to wonder was it something to do with me. I've realised over time that generally people are quite selfish and if they get a boyfriend, new job, or move to another city then they wont really bother to stay in contact.
For the past year i've made it my goal to get out there and meet new people. I joined a class at the gym, a book club and meetup.com. I've met loads of new people and its really gotten my confidence back. Maybe u could look at groups or clubs in your own area that u could join. Best of luck!