How do we get to the next step

AlterHead

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this tbh...if not maybe someone can re-direct me..anyway this is what I need help with:

A few months ago I met an american girl online. We got to talking over webcam and we connected better than I ever have with anyone and she felt just the same. Over the past few months we have developed an extremely close relationship. We're both such quirky people that it has always seemed unlikely that we would ever meet anyone who could truely identify with us, however now we have each other.

Of course at this stage of the game...we're looking to take the next step but I'm unsure exactly how to do that. She wants to come here to live and work and see how things work out with us. How exactly would she go about that. Would she need a visa, also if she ended up wanting to stay forever, how would that work? Would she need to apply for citizenship etc and how long might that take?

I know to some it may seem strange to develop such strong feelings for someone over an internet based relationship but that doesn't concern me at all and I don't need any warnings over such relationships please

If anyone can help me with this conundrum that would be amazing

Thanks in advance

Meauldsegosha

Would it not be better for her to visit first instead of moving permenantly. I know you said you don't want relationship advice however you can have a great relationship with someone you've never met but when you do meet things can change dramatically.

Loughc

Yea she can get a holiday visa for 3 months, get one of them and see how ye get on and then start looking into a longterm plan.

Ye may have a connection now but face to face and a physical chemistry is different. You'll be able to tell ALOT in the first three months.

AlterHead

Loughc wrote: »

Yea she can get a holiday visa for 3 months, get one of them and see how ye get on and then start looking into a longterm plan.

Ye may have a connection now but face to face and a physical chemistry is different. You'll be able to tell ALOT in the first three months.

What I failed to mention is that she wants to move to Ireland anyway regardless. She has been here before and loved it, she just wants to know what she would have to go through in order to stay permanently

Merkin

AlterHead wrote: »

A few months ago I met an american girl online. We got to talking over webcam and we connected better than I ever have with anyone and she felt just the same. Over the past few months we have developed an extremely close relationship.

I'm sorry but you can't form an extremely close relationship with someone unless you physically spend time with them and get to know them intimately, including all their faults.

I understand that she wants to move to Ireland regardless but why not chill out a little and see how it works out rather than basing a fledgling relationship on communication solely done over the interweb?

cactusgal

Not being funny, but would she not contact the Irish Embassy where she is, or the Department of Foreign Affairs in the US about visa requirements, if she's really serious? I'm American and moved here years ago, but I have an Irish passport.

LegacyUser

Merkin wrote: »

I'm sorry but you can't form an extremely close relationship with someone unless you physically spend time with them and get to know them intimately, including all their faults.

I understand that she wants to move to Ireland regardless but why not chill out a little and see how it works out rather than basing a fledgling relationship on communication solely done over the interweb?

I disagree. I've been in pretty similar situation to the OP; I met my (American) girlfriend online (on a website dedicated to a shared interest) and it was 5 and a half months after we "met" online before we met in real life ("together" for 4.5 months of that). Our whole relationship developed online, so it's certainly possible to form "an extremely close relationship" online.

She flew over to see me for a week 4.5 months into the relationship and then again a few weeks later for 3 weeks at Christmastime. After that we spent 5 months apart, but our relationship continued to grow. I spent 4 months living with her in America and then we were back and forth several times, a week or 2 here and there. Eventually she moved over here to live with me again; she's a few months into a 1 year work visa and we're going to go from there. We celebrated our 2 year anniversary a couple of months ago.

Now, I just gave that brief account to show that it _can_ work, however I side with the other posters in that you need to be cautious. Just because it can doesn't mean it always does and I really would recommend taking things a bit at a time. With regards to her moving here she'll need to apply for a visa. She can apply for the visa on her own or through a company like USIT. As for citizenship, she needs to be living here 5 years, IIRC, before she can get it, or 3 years if she marries an Irish citizen (though I wouldn't rush things ), but there are various rules to go along with that (x out of the last y years spent in Ireland, etc.) so I'd recommend checking out http://www.citizensinformation.ie for more information. Good luck!

AlterHead

Merkin wrote: »

I'm sorry but you can't form an extremely close relationship with someone unless you physically spend time with them and get to know them intimately, including all their faults.

I'm not interested in such narrow mindedness tbh. We spend up to 7 hours a day simply talking to each other and discussing problems etc in the same way as any other couple does. She tells me things that she's never told anybody else and I'm the same with her. It's the most honest and open connection I've ever had with anyone. Believe me I have enough experience to understand what this is. Besides... I am saying I want to take the next step and be in a physical relationship with her. I am well aware that things can go downhill if the physical side of things is not right. I have also gone on to say that she wants to live here either way...I am in no way under the impression that it's guarantied to work out just that i want to give it a chance.

LegacyUser

AlterHead wrote: »

I'm not interested in such narrow mindedness tbh. We spend up to 7 hours a day simply talking to each other and discussing problems etc in the same way as any other couple does. She tells me things that she's never told anybody else and I'm the same with her. It's the most honest and open connection I've ever had with anyone. Believe me I have enough experience to understand what this is. Besides... I am saying I want to take the next step and be in a physical relationship with her. I am well aware that things can go downhill if the physical side of things is not right. I have also gone on to say that she wants to live here either way...I am in no way under the impression that it's guarantied to work out just that i want to give it a chance.

You are being incredibly naive and very patronising. It isn't unreasonable at all to suggest that you don't know this person properly, and you are being very immature and unnecessarily snappy in your response.

Like someone else said, if she was serious, she'd have googled it / contacted the relevant authorities.

Wait till her actions speak louder than her words. It's all a bit pie in the sky right now.

AlterHead

Actions speak louder... wrote: »

You are being incredibly naive and very patronising. It isn't unreasonable at all to suggest that you don't know this person properly, and you are being very immature and unnecessarily snappy in your response.

I don't believe that snapping at somebody for insisting that it's "impossible" to form the kind of relationship that i know i have with this woman is naive, patronising or immature...in fact I believe that all of those things could be said about the response of that person.

AlterHead

BeenThereMyself wrote: »

I disagree. I've been in pretty similar situation to the OP; I met my (American) girlfriend online (on a website dedicated to a shared interest) and it was 5 and a half months after we "met" online before we met in real life ("together" for 4.5 months of that). Our whole relationship developed online, so it's certainly possible to form "an extremely close relationship" online.

She flew over to see me for a week 4.5 months into the relationship and then again a few weeks later for 3 weeks at Christmastime. After that we spent 5 months apart, but our relationship continued to grow. I spent 4 months living with her in America and then we were back and forth several times, a week or 2 here and there. Eventually she moved over here to live with me again; she's a few months into a 1 year work visa and we're going to go from there. We celebrated our 2 year anniversary a couple of months ago.

Now, I just gave that brief account to show that it _can_ work, however I side with the other posters in that you need to be cautious. Just because it can doesn't mean it always does and I really would recommend taking things a bit at a time. With regards to her moving here she'll need to apply for a visa. She can apply for the visa on her own or through a company like USIT. As for citizenship, she needs to be living here 5 years, IIRC, before she can get it, or 3 years if she marries an Irish citizen (though I wouldn't rush things ), but there are various rules to go along with that (x out of the last y years spent in Ireland, etc.) so I'd recommend checking out http://www.citizensinformation.ie for more information. Good luck!

I absolutely believe in being cautious about this...it's just as i've already said..she's intent on moving here regardless of our situation. Thanks for your response...it's so far been by far the most productive and least opinionated

CaraMay

Lucky for her that she wanted to move here and then meets an Irish man to fall in love with online. It will certainly make if much easier for her to move.

I'm also surprised that she hasn't done any research herself if she had this in mind. Suppose it's handy you are there now to do it for her

Merkin

AlterHead wrote: »

I don't believe that snapping at somebody for insisting that it's "impossible" to form the kind of relationship that i know i have with this woman is naive, patronising or immature...in fact I believe that all of those things could be said about the response of that person.

I've obviously hit a nerve sweetie. I find it bizarre when people come on to PI for opinions and help and then throw all their toys out of the pram when not satisfied with the responses. Let's hope you project your personality better to your internet 'girlfriend'.....

AlterHead

Merkin wrote: »

I've obviously hit a nerve sweetie. I find it bizarre when people come on to PI for opinions and help and then throw all their toys out of the pram when not satisfied with the responses. Let's hope you project your personality better to your internet 'girlfriend'.....

In what part of my post did I ask for anyones judgement on whether the relationship I have with this woman was as close as I feel it is? I asked a specific question about something completely separate to that. And what part of standing up against someone for questioning a relationship that you have with someone is "throwing your toys out of the pram" anyway, surely that's what any person with morals would do.