Need advice - Mum finding it hard to comfort toddler

vibes23

Just looking for some advice/clarification.

I have a daughter who is 19 months old. Myself and my wife work. I have to travel 2-3 days per week so im not there 100%. However, We are so lucky that my mother minds her 4 days a week.

When my mother leaves in the evening my daughter cries cause she doesn't want her to go (good thing we both think as means she loves been with my mam) but she will also refuse to go to my wife and gets very upset. Which in turn is making my wife really upset and she feels my daughter doesn't want to be around my wife.

She is such a brilliant mammy in every way and i feel she is over thinking this a little... but its getting worse

We have both agreed its just a comfort thing and for last few months have just been getting on with it. But my wife feels embarrassed that her own daughter wont go to her when my mam is around.

Anyways a new development is that the past few weeks my daughter has been little unwell, teeth, colds, chicken pox etc. When she gets upset with pain etc and if im there she only wants to be in my arms. A few times in night she has woken up and got really upset and will only come to me and gets so upset when my wife tries to take her.

I feel so bad for my wife its really upsetting her to the point were she is pulling back comforting her at all.

I really don't know what to do....any help would be very much appreciated.

Thanks in advance

seosamh1980

Children/babies go through phases, there's no point in your wife taking offence to it, it's only going to upset her for no good reason, the child doesn't know she's choosing favourites, she's not doing it on purpose. In another few months she might want only your wife and scream going to her nan etc, it's just a phase.

tazwaz

seosamh1980 wrote: »

Children/babies go through phases, there's no point in your wife taking offence to it, it's only going to upset her for no good reason, the child doesn't know she's choosing favourites, she's not doing it on purpose. In another few months she might want only your wife and scream going to her nan etc, it's just a phase.

I totally agree with above, a few months ago my little fella wouldnt take a bottle from his dad, he'd roar and roar till i took him but now all he wants is his dad

2xj3hplqgsbkym

seosamh1980 wrote: »

Children/babies go through phases, there's no point in your wife taking offence to it, it's only going to upset her for no good reason, the child doesn't know she's choosing favourites, she's not doing it on purpose. In another few months she might want only your wife and scream going to her nan etc, it's just a phase.

While this is true, and I am sure this lady knows that, it really is little consolation to her. It must be horrible for your wife, I don't blame her for being upset, especially as it is going on for so long.

Is there sometime that mum and toddler can have some together time every week, just on their own e.g. parent and baby swimming lessons, yoga or massage, so both can bond and encourage a physical closeness too.

December2012

Kenneth Billions Percussionist wrote: »

While this is true, and I am sure this lady knows that, it really is little consolation to her. It must be horrible for your wife, I don't blame her for being upset, especially as it is going on for so long.

Is there sometime that mum and toddler can have some together time every week, just on their own e.g. parent and baby swimming lessons, yoga or massage, so both can bond and encourage a physical closeness too.

This is an excellent idea. Look at toddler gymnastics too.

Little gym in Dublin is good. Swimming is great. Gymboree too.

Oral Slang

Unfortunately this still goes on in our house - my daughter is 23 months. She pushes her daddy away a lot & only wants me her mammy. Her daddy gets upset by it, but I know it's just a phase. I'm 33 weeks pregnant, so getting ready for her to just want her daddy all the time, as a lot of people have told me to expect that to happen.

josip

We went through periods of time where our son preferred one of his parents. I don't like to call it a phase in our case however, because our son always had a reason for behaving like that. In my case I'd been away for a week and couldn't spend time with him for a week when I came back. In my wife's case it was a period of working a lot of evenings. Every time it happened, we had to work hard at improving the situation for our son, as best as we could and it didn't last for more than a few weeks at a time.

I think you've already explained in your original post the reasons your daughter might feel as she does and other posters have given suggestions how you might improve things. It's very important that you try to address your daughter's reasons for behaving like this and not just wait for the "phase" to pass.

It's not easy and my wife was more upset about it than I was.

dollybird2

I know how your wife feels, my daughter was like this with my mother who was minding her all Summer while I worked. In her case it was a pure comfort thing as I was gone so much and my mother was giving her the attention she wanted and providing her with food/cuddles etc. Now all she wants is me, not her daddy, but I know this could change any day as it has in the past!

Reassure your wife that she is a great mother and your child loves her. If your wife feels negative or upset then your child will pick up on this and not seek the comfort required from her. I always found it great to have time on my own with my daughter before bed time so our bond could strengthen, just practicing words or animal sounds or other daft things that we both enjoyed.

It will come good!

tony1980

We get this sometimes when we collect our little fella from his Nans. Other times I walk in the door and he gets up and grabs my hand and starts walking for the door saying bye as he is running me out the door! They are funny like that, I am ok with it as I know he is happy and safe when left with his Nan who is good enough to be on the ground playing with him for most of the day!

Is it only as she is leaving her Nan that she kicks up a fuss? Is she fine with both of you when you have got her home? If so, then I wouldn't worry about it, just laugh it off when you are leaving Nans house. One minute, our little fella is locking me out of the room he is in with his mam and the next he is dragging me out to the road by the hand saying cmon Dad, he is 19 months old also!