At a low point in my life

LegacyUser

Hi guys. I posted here maybe a month ago about the break up of my relationship. It really hit me hard, but I kept going to work, hanging with friends, even though I cried just about every evening.

The problem is, although I'm feeling better about it I still can't seem to move on. I fluctuate between missing him desperately and being furious at the way he treated me. Basically, he was obsessed with me for almost a year and finally I decided to give him a chance, even though I was perfectly happy being single and having broken up with a long-term boyfriend, I wasn't really in the mood for another relationship. But I agreed to go out with him, and for about two weeks it was lovely. Then he went weird all of a sudden. It was like a switch going off. I got him to admit that he was having feelings of uncertainty about whether we were right for each other, and that he felt guilty about that, etc. Cue a couple of months of going up and down, where we had a lot of fun together but I could sense him getting all knotted up inside.

Eventually we split, because he said it was better for me in the long-term, and he said that he had tried to make it work because he didn't want to hurt me, but that breaking up was the best thing. I was devastated, because in the meantime I'd fallen in love with him.

I don't think he's a bad person, he just does things that are hurtful (not just to me). I really do appreciate his reasons. But I feel led on, and deceived somehow, and cheap and worthless. I'm pretty sure that a big part of his infatuation was because I didn't want him, and he was just in it for the chase. It's such a horrible cliche, but it really broke my heart when he seemed to get what he wanted and immediately lose interest.

Now I just feel at an especially low point in my life. I feel stuck, frozen. I can't get him out of my head. Everything in the city where I live reminds me of him. I was planning to move to another city, and I have an opportunity there. I have one or two friends there. But now I'm afraid. Everything seems dark and scary to me now that I don't have a boyfriend, the world a much more hostile place. Yet I was so content before, when I was single. Maybe it's just the effect of the safety net of my Masters having finished, and my friends all moving away. Effectively I feel stuck, frozen, unable to let go of this place and a failed relationship.

I'm also tempted just to go home for a while, but that would be running back to the comfort of being around my mother and the safety of home. It's tempting right now, after everything. I just wish that I wasn't acting like a 'stupid female' about this guy, who after all that's said and done never once treated me right (unless indeed it was actually to break up with me). I can't see a way forward, and I'm afraid that I'm only going to like guys who treat me horribly from now on or something. My first boyfriend was lovely, but I fell out of love with him after almost four years of going out.

Sorry for the long post. I just feel tired and over-dramatic. I KNOW it's not true, but I can't shake the feeling that there's nothing left for me. I'm only 23.

Sleepless and Manic

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

Breaking up is real pain, its an injury, and recovery takes some time. Its so natural to feel fear and panic, its a basic response. But look at The Fear. Its a defense, it wont control you for long, its already a little less even now right?

Sorry I'm not much help. It will get better though with time.

heretochat

You are only 23.. You have your whole life in front of you and I would wager you will go through a few more break ups before you find THE ONE.

You should seek the support of your friends and family at this time and get back out socialising.

You will get over this and down the road it'll be nothing but a distant memory.

Zeouterlimits

That's horrible to hear OP.

Your ex probably didn't even know himself, it's hard to recognise the difference between attraction and actually wanting something serious with someone in yourself, especially if he's quite young.
He had probably built it up to be something different to it what it was over the year.

There will be other guys who will treat you and your feelings better, but really that isn't important right now.
For now just try to cut out as much visibility of him as possible. The more you can push him away the better, so you have time to heal and move on. Fill your time with new things, the more you allow for time for sadness to creep in, it will.
You're going to suffer different phases of losing him & how you were treated so I really recommend having someone you can be completely honest with about how you feel each week will help. It has definitely helped me with a recent traumatic breakup.

Troughthemill

Listen I think how your feeling is totally normal and its a pain in the hole to hear this but you need time to heal

I just finished with my ex of 5 years less than two months ago and he treated me badly too but I fluctuate between hating him and being devastated about everything anyway.

I know the everything reminds you feeling, **** buzz! I moved to a new place , I'm looking for work and courses. I have no friends where I am and of course it's hard starting fresh but I'll get there and so will you If you just try. I still can't watch telly or listen to music etc; so moving by no means changed how I feel so don't do it to run away do it for the change if that's what you need.

What we had was so mature for the age we were I feel I'll never have anything like it again. In fact I feel like I'll never let anyone get close again because I'm hurt so bad. At 22 that's a scary feeling like was that it for me did my relationship peak at 21? At the end of the day you never know with relationships what the future holds so you just have to make the effort of thinking positively about it day to day.

Have some hope some man could come along and restore your faith in humanity

Hope you feel better soon