Self-destruct mode

LegacyUser

So, where to start. I drink too much. I eat too much - I'm about 35kg/5.5 stone overweight. I'm 40 so healthwise this situation is unsustainable. Careerwise everything is great and looking bright. I've reached all my goals, including being awarded a doctorate and getting all my professional exams. Personal relationship-wise, I'm happily married to a woman who deeply loves me. On paper I should be entering the most financially rewarding years of my career, and the most emotionally rewarding time of raising a family and making our dreams a reality.

But then there's my mindset. I'm very positive and encouraging to other people, but fatalistic about how long more I will live. I overindulge in alcohol and food in the most destructive manner imaginable. This, and trying to cover up the extent of this overindulgence, is hurting my wife who fears she'll lose me and gets worried each time she hears of a man dying in his 40s. There is so much love and positivity in my life now, yet I persist in this solo self-destructive behaviour. It's as if every day I come home and destress by engaging in overindulgence in drink and food that can only lead to a mountain of health and relationship problems. This overindulgence is, pathetically, the highlight of my day - my "liberation". I bring my wife out for dinner and she always loves it, but I'm just thinking about drinking until I have my fill (c. 8-10 pints). It's always "all or nothing" in my mind. Always.

I need new thinking; I need to start embracing life and the love in my home because I never want love to turn to hate. It's like I need a wallop on the head to wake me up to life, its ephemerality and how amazing it is to be loved. At a rational level, I know what I should be doing. I know how ineffably lucky and honoured I am. At a daily level, however, I persist in destroying our dreams and our future by my self-indulgence.

How does one go about changing habits of a lifetime and finding relaxation in something other than overindulgence in food/drink?

Mayboy

Hi,

I think you've started changing - well done. You've named the issue, drawn examples etc. Now you have to draw up the plan.

Look on it like a company project - not you - not personal.

What do you want to change, what sucks, what is great. Maybe you need t o go to a psychotherapist? An alcohol counsellor? What are you afraid of? Are you running from something? However logical we are the emotions run the show....I wish you well, you've made a great start and you sound like a sensitive, kind person.

average hero

OP - Well done. You have actually done the most important part which is identifying that you have a problem with food and drink.

First off, cut yourself some slack! You are doing brilliantly in other aspects of your life! I wish I could be where you are!

Try and identify why you are over-eating. There may be a reason for it. Professional help may assist with this. If it is an addiction, try and substitute something else for it, perhaps exercise or a new hobby (learn a language, go for a walk, develop an interest in art).

Make conscious steps to not over-indulge. Mentally claw yourself away from the food and drink. When you get the urge, try and immediately think of the severe consequences if you continue on.

The choices you can make are simple, but it will not be easy.

I'm proud of you OP. You can change it all around. You will.

Be well. Best of luck