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Husbands/Boyfriends + masturbation...
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24-09-2013 10:37am#1
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Um, do you initiate sex instead? You'd be getting loads if you did, by your account of your sex drive! Or do you already, but he just pleads tiredness or something?
I was going to suggest doing a dominatrix on him, tie him up and make him give you loads of pleasure, but if he's not into anything kinky online then perhaps not....I'm thinking he needs a little firing up though - so that he can't stop thinking about the last time
Toys? See if he can take it like a man?! :eek:
I don't know hon. In my experience, porn is the lazy way to the imagination. I've met some men who genuinely are disappointed with the real thing because the actual physical act of keeping up (pun intended) your urges throughout all the messy and clumsy stuff (maneuvering into position - even suggesting another position!) is more difficult than watching someone else go through the motions online. I think it can numb people from the actual physical engagement of sex, as it's far less bother getting off on watching people than it is to get off on what you are doing to your partner/they are doing to you.
I know it is kind of hurtful when your partner just seems to lose interest - I've done it to my man and he to me. Only takes one hot night to be back on track though, and begging for it again! Did you ever ask him what he fantasizes about?0 -
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I know this might sound out there but I've done extensive research in to sex addiction due to my own discoveries about my ex bf.
Like that, sex was fine, great, fun at first but the novelty wore off me fairly quickly and like yourself I'm pretty attractive so I just didn't get it.
I was buying sexy lingerie and trying all i could think of to try seduce him and get some form of gratification but...nothing.
We weren't living together either and we were together 4 years so that too annoyed me that we were both renting out our own places.
I'd noticed a few times that he was very protective over his laptop so I never went near and actually I wasn't worried he was cheating because I thought "Sure I'm gagging for it if he wasn't to get his leg over something"
So, one day when I stayed in his place and he was at work I wanted to open a work file/image but didn't have the correct software. He'd every kind of software going so I figured it was ok to use his.
I got my image and then started looking at the other images...mostly homosexual sex stuff, Asian sex, every kind of weird sex and there were THOUSANDS of them. I opened a folder of videos too but I couldn't watch that kind of thing.
So, I told him I used his laptop to open an image and he screamed at me to get the **** out of his apartment.
a few hours later he called me and told me he had a problem. We went to a counsellor and he signer up for a treatment program as a verified sex addict.
That was pretty much the end of our relationship. It was something I could never get my head around but from the little bit of research I did in to my vulnerability in it all...
It's like the longer someone is in active sex addiction the more it takes to excite them. So normal fun sex is completely uninteresting to a sex addict, like hanging out the washing or something, a chore required to keep your relationship functioning but a waste of orgasm for him.
I know, it's weird, and it might not be what's going on at all. It just sounds familiar to me
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The Corinthian wrote: »How do you know the obvious is the kick? Of course it may be or it may be down to what the couple in the first video actually do, or the lesbianism in the second video, or something else again.
Yes, this. I've got off on both of the scenarios you mentioned before now, but specifically from looking for consensual and enjoyed sex between two comparitively different set ups to my own preferences. The "different" set ups don't mean a thing really - just the imaginative composition - and occasionally during sex I put my mind to including my fella and me in these different set ups to either get off more on what really gets him going or just selfishly make the most of what he's doing to me....
I found that when I asked about what my man fantasises about, I got answers that I didn't expect. Fantasies are just that, in a lot of cases - like someone said earlier, they might be the last thing someone would actually follow through with. Man on man, woman on woman - we both have had these fantasies but realistically might not want to go there in real life. Great in the imagination though! There's no harm in understanding that your partner may be imagining a scene very different to what you're physically doing, if it is also in their head that the sole physical presence of you and him may not be the be all and end all for what you get off on. Mutual fantasising can be serious fun
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The Corinthian wrote: »That was me.
Anyhow, I'm just spit-balling, throwing out suggestions. Ultimately, the boyfriend in question does appear to have issues with sex and as has been suggested he may simply have an incompatible sexuality or drive. No harm in checking under every bush though, before giving up.
Same here - just throwing out possibilities! Everything possible.....this is sex, after all. All bells and whistles, all zips, buckles and whips catered for Open minded acceptance of what turns you on and where you draw the line at what turns someone else on is always going to be an issue in any relationship.... 0 -
As they say; kinky is using a feather, perverted is using the whole chicken.Same here - just throwing out possibilities! Everything possible.....this is sex, after all. All bells and whistles, all zips, buckles and whips catered for Open minded acceptance of what turns you on and where you draw the line at what turns someone else on is always going to be an issue in any relationship....0 -
The Corinthian wrote: »As they say; kinky is using a feather, perverted is using the whole chicken.
Laughed at that, thanks Must tell the fella to put the chicken AWAY in future.... 0 -
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Hi op.
I don't think its difference of sex drives and I think you are spot on his porn usage is the problem.
I say this as a guy who has let porn destroy my sexual desire in the past. I have have gone out with incredibly beautiful girls in the and while I would masturbate thinking about them or watching porn there was not enough desire to initiate sex.
For over a month I have given up porn and masturbation, I know people will think this is nonsense but I have become hungrier for sex and as a single guy my body seems to be more naturally sending out messages of interest to women. The changes I've felt are wonderful and it its possible with your bf.
Porn/masturbation can be like a drug, I know this is probably taboo as people like to have very liberal views on porn and masturbation, but it brings a free brief high and then a nice relaxed low. Dare i say a day is probably to much for people with normal sex drives.
If lack of sex is a deal breaker, then I would tell him to either stop **** so much or the relationship is over. Its not that hard to cut down.
Also I know this post will arouse suspicion of religious undertones- I am atheist and after done research and treating on the topic have come to the conclusion that porn and **** is a waste of energy, time and potential love.
Good post, except the religious bit??!
Can't see any religious undertones at all, right up until you mentioned them
However, this interesting experience of your's cannot be related to the OP's circumstances, as her boyfriend does not know that she knows about his everyday porn habit. She has been sneaking onto his online history, so clearly can't bring that up in conversation.
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive" - Sir Walter Scott0 -
Good post, except the religious bit??! Can't see any religious undertones at all, right up until you mentioned them
However, this interesting experience of your's cannot be related to the OP's circumstances, as her boyfriend does not know that she knows about his everyday porn habit. She has been sneaking onto his online history, so clearly can't bring that up in conversation.
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive" - Sir Walter Scott
I can guarantee you that he doesn't realise his habit is negative. Everyone just believes its normal. I didn't really believe I was destroying my sexuality until something really negative happened and I joined the dots.
It will be the same for him, either he realises when he gets dumped our he realises when she calls him out on his porn habit. The fact is she has sensed that he was lying and she checked and was right. He is sowing the seeds of doubt and lying, looking at his history may not be nice but it seems necessary. If she wants a better sexual relationship she has to take action.
I see there is a documentary from a lads mag guy about the effects of porn on tv. Maybe people will begin to accept that we have been foolishly liberal with our views of porn being perfectly ok.0 -
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This discussion has been closed.
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