Grr internet dating

LegacyUser

I have online dated a bit in the past but always found connections to be flimsy or forced and being honest I didn't like the person I became - super fussy and convinced I could do better. It was like car shopping with an unlimited budget. So, I closed my account and vowed never to do it again.

That was a year ago and I work and hours and hang out with the same people, many of who are settled now and having families (I'm 32) so I figured I'd give it another shot whilst taking my previous learnings in to account.

So, with this in mind I set up a profile and without searching for anyone I waited a few hours till I had around 100 messages, his my profile and decided to go through each message to give every guy a fair chance.

Anyone whose done this knows the bulk of the messages can be disregarded immediately.

So, I chatted to 3 and one in particular who was a guy I'd known a few years ago (not in a romantic way - we both had partners back then). I didn't recognise him at first but I was flattered he seemed to remember me quite well. I actually had to do a bit of digging to remember him at all! Anyway, the complete anonymity of Internet dating has always made me feel a little vulnerable so this immediately jumped him up to the top of the pile.

I went to his house on Friday night he cooked me dinner and I had a lovely time. We've made an arrangement to meet up again on Thursday and he's been sending me messages non stop "wish you were here" "can't wait to see you again" "can't stop thinking about you etc"

Now, for all my faults I've always been a pretty decent judge of character and I didn't doubt him at all - he appears to be very genuine.

So, another of my good friends also uses the same dating site and I told her about him and she looked up his profile. The next day he sent her a message. She replied and said she was my friend and wouldn't step on my toes.

He answered and begged her not to tell me, said he really likes me but it's early days and he wanted to have other options in case it didn't work out with me and he doesn't know where it will go and she is the only other girl he's messaged (she's stunningly attractive and it obviously showed up that she viewed him).

So, she told him she wouldn't tell me but gave me the info and let me decide what to do with it.

I haven't let on I know anything at all but I'm a little confused because since meeting him because of all his lovely texts I haven't even logged into my profile.

I'm a bit concerned he's using the site how I did and I guess am wondering if other people have had similar experiences on dating sites and should I just try meet someone in the real world?

Before anyone says anything... I know we've only met once and he hasn't done anything wrong. I just find it weird he can put so much energy in to me and also be introducing himself to people!

I can only deal with one person at a time!

I'm not sure if this is relevant and at the risk of sounding big headed.... I think he's doing pretty well for himself with me. I'm not like the most amazing catch ever and I don't think that but I'm more attractive than most girls in my age bracket. Looks aren't a huge draw for me. I am more interested in what's underneath but I know Internet dating tends to revolve around looks only.

Anyway, that's my rant! Opinions on the net dating scene greatly appreciated. Obviously I just met this guy so I'm not pulling my hair out about it but I do like him

People stay on dating sites while they see how things go with people they are seeing and that's okay its only one date, now if it gets going and you have been seeing him for a month or so then its time give it up, however some people get addicted to the chase/I could do better/who else is out there side of it and you have to be weary of this.

Give it a go and see what happens, with out getting over involved in what its means.

blatantrereg

I would doubt the sincerity of anybody sending constant text messages like those straight away. His contacting other girls on a dating Website seems inconsistent with what he is communicating to you too. Actions speak louder than words and whatnot.

He probably was lying when he said she was the only girl he messaged since meeting you. It's possible she was the only new person he contacted, but he certainly has been exchanging messages with other girls he has already been chatting to. A guy begging your friend not to tell you about it doesn't strike me as someone who is trying to represent themselves honestly.

I've met some girls online. Most were genuine and straightforward. A couple were attention-seeking and exaggerated. I wouldn't generalise. It depends on the individual person; all a Website does is facilitate things.

Merkin

Causeforconcern wrote: »

I went to his house on Friday night he cooked me dinner and I had a lovely time. We've made an arrangement to meet up again on Thursday and he's been sending me messages non stop "wish you were here" "can't wait to see you again" "can't stop thinking about you etc"

I'm sorry, but a claxon the size of Big Ben would be going off in my ears at this. Texts like this to someone you barely know are unnecessary, far too intense and ultimately disingenuous. He spent one evening with you and then does everything bar declare his undying.....?

As someone who has been on a lot of dates, I can tell you now that this behaviour would be enough for me to bale after the first date. People who come on too strong like that are either a. mentally unstable b. have a lot of girls who they flatter gratuitously in order to win them over. I think your guy is probably an option b. seeing as he is also active on the site and chatting up other girls.

I am not for one moment suggesting that someone come off a dating site after one successful date, far too premature. But if he is missing you with the intensity he declares then he wouldn't then be looking to date other girls so soon after an apparently great date.

TLDR - actions speak louder than words and this guy is full of sh1t.

heretochat

Merkin wrote: »

I'm sorry, but a claxon the size of Big Ben would be going off in my ears at this. Texts like this to someone you barely know are unnecessary, far too intense and ultimately disingenuous. He spent one evening with you and then does everything bar declare his undying.....?

As someone who has been on a lot of dates, I can tell you now that this behaviour would be enough for me to bale after the first date. People who come on too strong like that are either a. mentally unstable b. have a lot of girls who they flatter gratuitously in order to win them over. I think your guy is probably an option b. seeing as he is also active on the site and chatting up other girls.

I am not for one moment suggesting that someone come off a dating site after one successful date, far too premature. But if he is missing you with the intensity he declares then he wouldn't then be looking to date other girls so soon after an apparently great date.

TLDR - actions speak louder than words and this guy is full of sh1t.[/QUOTE]

Part in bold would be my opinion as well... I would be freaked out if I went on one date with a lady and she started sending me those sort of messages..

As with others I would not be saying come off a dating site after one date but to be sending such texts while messaging others is a bit disingenuous

LegacyUser

Hey,

Thanks for all the replies!

Yup, that was my take....I did think the messages were a little premature - however, we'd been messaging back and forth for about 10 days before I met him.

But, yes still, I'm 32 and I did have a little voice in my head saying "Oh come off it"

I think my issue really is as other pointed out the contradiction really.

I don't think there's any harm in messaging other people after you've just had one date. It was just a bit of a surprise given how smitten he's been acting!

I said nothing either way, have planned to meet up again on Thursday, it's good to be informed either way.

Meauldsegosha

OP there is a on line dating group on boards. I can't put the link cos I'm on my phone but there is a link in the Gentlemans Club forum. It's not a place to pick up dates but somewhere for people to share experiences and give each other advice. If you are giving OD a go it might be worthwhile joining it.

Ickle Magoo

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

OP there is a on line dating group on boards. I can't put the link cos I'm on my phone but there is a link in the Gentlemans Club forum. It's not a place to pick up dates but somewhere for people to share experiences and give each other advice. If you are giving OD a go it might be worthwhile joining it.

It's HERE

Access requests from knucklehead6, maimee or sparky

ash23

OP, like yourself I am on and off internet dating, much for the same reasons you described. I join up, realise it's not for me, delete. Then a few months later, get bored, sign up etc etc.

I do find a LOT of guys (and I'm saying guys because I haven't been in contact with any women), come on waaaay to strong. It's like, they think we are 30+ and that we are mad for getting married and settling down. And the way to get us interested is to lead us down that path.

Whereas it actually causes most of us to run in the opposite direction. There are normal guys on dating sites, there really are. But unfortunately there are also players, chancers, stalkers and total tools. But the same is true for any pub or club.

Him being on the site in the early days wouldn't bother me, it's only been a couple of dates and he's entitled to keep his options open. He shouldn't have kept it a secret though. Nothing to be ashamed of or sorry for imo.

But the messages? Bleugh, no way. Too much, too soon.

Lauzzy22

No It's early days give him a chance! To be honest everyone is different and he might of only went on it out of habit like! And he might of asked you out cause he figured he knew you and all I can't imagine a man asking you round to his house if it was a complete stranger and he does like you cause he remembered you which is nice. And he might of only went on it aswel in case he thought you might be still going on he doesn't know whether your texting or seeing anyone else??