Should I end it - child involved?

LegacyUser

I am in a relationship with my partner over 2yrs now - we are both in our 40s and I have a 12yr old boy. My partner is quite old fashioned in many ways and it was one of the things that appealed to me when we first met. We get on really well, he can be moody and tempremental but can't we all?

The real issue is his relationship with my son. To say he has little interest in the child is an understatement. He firmly believes that children should be seen and not heard and does alot of things to keep my son 'in his place' - briefly, when we go shopping, he puts all of the 'goodies' on top of the presses so my son has to ask permission for a packet of crisps or a mineral etc. I know that might sound trivial, but it really annoys me (my son would ask anyway, no matter where the crisps were!). We have argued over this issue many times - it never changes.

More and more, I am beginning to feel that I need to end this relationship. My son is a big factor in it, but so are my partners moods. However, as a woman in my 40s, I know my son won't want to know me in a year or two anyway, and I doubt I will meet another man at my age...I don't particularly want to be alone in my 50s, when my son has left home...but I'm sick trying to encourage their relationship, when I know now it will never happen, and I am probably doing damage to my son by keeping this man in his life.

What should I do?

Emme

Your son is 12 so he will be around for a while yet.

I understand your fears about not being able to meet somebody else, I'm 42 and it's really hard to meet somebody at this age. Even so I would not put up with somebody who is controlling. You are better to be alone at any age than to be with a controlling partner.

He has no business telling you how to treat your son or telling him what he should or should not eat. If he was restricting your son's access to "goodies" but taking him training for football or some other activity in the interest of your son's health and fitness it would be one thing. Your partner doesn't seem to have that approach, he just wants to keep your son "in his place".

In my opinion your son's "place" is as far away from that man as possible.

You say he is moody and temperamental and can't we all? Yes, we can, but reasonable people control their moods and don't allow them to upset other people. They don't try to control other people either.

Can you have a reasonable discussion with your partner? If the answer is "no" then I would advise ending the relationship. As your son grows into adolescence and tall enough to reach "goodies" :rolleyes: this man's treatment of him will get even worse. Does he try to control you as well?

If you can have a reasonable discussion with your partner tell him that you would rather he didn't put things out of your son's reach and that you are primarily responsible for his parenting.

This man may try to control you when your son leaves if he is not controlling you as well. Is he moody and temperamental when he doesn't get his own way or when you or your son don't do as he says?

Your child's well-being is your priority.

LegacyUser

He tries to control me, but it doesn't work, so I seem to spend my time in a constant battle with him, where he ends up in a huff.

I know the 'goodies' thing sounds trivial, but there are other little things he does too, and they all add up. I always left my bedroom door open for example - my son and I slept in the same room until he was 8 as I only had a one bed place at that time - so when we moved, my son was a bit nervous on his own. So I keep my bedroom door open. But himself INSISTS that our door is closed and the lights are all off (on the landing or bathroom) and that my son is old enough to sleep in the dark, and that's that! I know a 12yr old is old enough to sleep alone, but the reality is, he gets quite anxious when all the doors are closed etc (obviously, because he spent the first 8yrs of his life in the room with me!)...

I could go on and on...

Yes, I can have a reason discussion with him, but nothing ever changes...he moved in with me about 6 months ago and it's just gotten worse.

Troughthemill

Your son should come first..How could you bring this domineering man into your sons home and allow him to treat your son badly, you don't have to end the relationship but I would suggest living separately until your no longer sharing a home with your son. It must be awful for him feeling uncomfortable where he should feel safest because of your man. I personally think forcing your son to share a home with this man Is incredibly selfish of you and I would never forgive my mother for such a thing. It sounds like you can't wait to be rid of your son hes 12 for god-sake how can you be so cold this is your son your discussing.

moochers

Hey OP,
I'm in 100% total agreement with Emme.

This man sounds like a military sergeant in a barracks. He is not a good role model for your son or a supportive partner to you. Exercising that amount of control over your son is nothing short of bullying. In the next couple of years when he is a teenager and wants to rebel your partner will probably become a tyrant. Your son needs to be your most important priority over any man.

You are fixated on the fact that because you are in your forties you are destined to be single for the rest of your life. You have settled for someone who you know is not right for you or our son. You are to get out of that mindset. Lots of people meet 'the one' in their 40's/50's/60's.
You have a choice to make, tbh its an easy one. Settle with a control freak who bully's your child and undermines your parenting or leave him and have a happy child.

Emme

unregistered wrote: »

He tries to control me, but it doesn't work, so I seem to spend my time in a constant battle with him, where he ends up in a huff.

I know the 'goodies' thing sounds trivial, but there are other little things he does too, and they all add up. I always left my bedroom door open for example - my son and I slept in the same room until he was 8 as I only had a one bed place at that time - so when we moved, my son was a bit nervous on his own. So I keep my bedroom door open. But himself INSISTS that our door is closed and the lights are all off (on the landing or bathroom) and that my son is old enough to sleep in the dark, and that's that! I know a 12yr old is old enough to sleep alone, but the reality is, he gets quite anxious when all the doors are closed etc (obviously, because he spent the first 8yrs of his life in the room with me!)...

I could go on and on...

Yes, I can have a reason discussion with him, but nothing ever changes...he moved in with me about 6 months ago and it's just gotten worse.

I guarantee you it will get even worse than it is now if you stay with this man. Your poor son.

How could you let someone come into your home and start dictating where you put the food, what doors to close and what lights to turn off? :eek:

Your son would definitely be better off without this man in your life and by the sounds of it you probably would too. You are better off on your own than with a controlling partner, particularly one who mistreats your child.

You say you really get on well with him but he can be moody and temperamental. You say you spend your time in a constant battle with him because you refuse to do what he tells you and then he goes off in a huff. If this man had the means he would pack your son off to boarding school so he would have you completely to himself and then he would show his true colours. What's happening now is only the start.

Has he ever hit your son or chastised him physically in any way?

My advice: get him to move out and continue as you were before he moved in. He probably won't agree to that and will end the relationship will a load of "your son is x, y and z and needs a firm hand", "you won't find anyone else if you get rid of me" and anything else he can throw at you.

Get rid. Your son comes first.

LegacyUser

He has already said I won't find anyone who will put up with me if I threw him out!

He hasn't quite got me brainwashed enough that I believe that, but what sickens me is, HE believes it!

You are all right of course - my son comes first. I have had the 'conversations' with him already about how he is so lacking in interest in my son..it falls on deaf ears...it won't work just asking him to leave and continuing the relationship. I wonder how I could love a man who has no interest in my child?? If this was someone else writing this, I know exactly what my response would be! Throw him out!

IrishEyes19

your son is your first priority not your love life. Im sorry if this sounds harsh, but if there is even one iota of bad treatment from a "stranger" virtually towards your child. Out the door with him as far as Im concerned. Partners will come and go in all stages of life, OP, but he will always will be your child.

moochers

As I mentioned above, this man is a control freak and a bully.

The shouting, food control, lights off and doors closed is a Victorian concept and in my opinion a form of child abuse. Your son is afraid of the dark, this man knows it and doesn't care. He is enforcing his rules in your house over an innocent little boy. How dare he!

When I go to bed I leave my door ajar and the landing light is left on and I am 37.

ynul31f47k6b59

I can't believe you're even asking this question to be honest, OP.

You are with a man who is no good for your son. To even suggest that staying with him because your son "won't want to know you" in a couple of years anyway is ludicrous. The only reason your son wouldn't want to know you is because you continue to allow a man to dictate and control him.

Get rid of your partner or you will lose your son. My mother made horrendous choices when I was a child and I will never, ever forgive her.

JustAThought

OP.

I just think some of the responses here are so Militant and angry that I'd be wondering what the underlying issues the responders have had to make them so determined to advocate the break up of a family.

Here's a few questions.

All relationships have ups & downs & agreements & different perspectives .

Your partner wants treats to be just that , reserved for effort or reward, and not standard foodstuffs. You don't and would like your child to help himself to treats and junk foods as he desires. Do you want to be alone forever because if this?

Is weight an issue . Is health an issue. Do you mind if your son has an unhealthy habit at such a young age & feels that this is " normal " ... Chrisps, chocolates, etc every day, on demand. It may be normal for " you " but for many it is the opposite of good health or good dietary practices. It sounds like your partner has both his wellbeing and health in mind, in addition to self awareness & rewarding good behaviour. Is this such a terrible thing?

You & your son shared a room/ bed for 8 years. This is not a normal practice, albeit one you felt was necessary in your circumstances. I gather your son is now nearly 12 or 13 & nervous in bed, and away from you. Is this the outcome of your previous decision to share with him for 8 years. I gather that Your son also wants to sleep within earshot of you, and/or with the light on. When you shared with your son did you sleep with the light on? If he is genuinely scared of the dark a nightlight in his room might be a compromise. But for you and your partner to have no privacy or intimacy without the ears if a 12/13 year teenager is somewhat worrying. Do you think it normal for a teenegar to be privy to every movement in his Mothers and her partners bedroom? I don't , and I doubt if the majority of normal adults would disagree with me. He's not disabled, or special needs?

It seems that your partner loves you. he lives with and I gather has taken in the father figure role - this is not " his" son, but he is providing for and looking after him, his health and his development and needs for progression.

It reads as thou you are aware that he is changing from boy to teenager, and that yes, in 4 or 5 years he will have his own life, interests, passions, long term girlfriends . He will thank you for allowing him to develope, for no longer being in a position where you have to share a room/bed with him, and don't let him drift either in person or by listening, in & out of your intimate private time & space. He needs space to grow, think, explore & experience. Not just to be listening at every flicker for your voice & reassurance. Let him grow .

By all means question your relationship but I would argue not on these grounds. It sounds like you are mourning the loss of your special close mother child relationship which has now evolved . Don't turn back the clock to try and recreate those days - they are over. Let your child grow in the framework of a solid family that loves and nurtures him, and provides for him and all his needs.

Let your relationship grow and evolve too - private time with your partner without a teenager listening in, adult behaviours & practices & an opportunity to have a lasting love that evolves and matures. Not fighting over crisps and voyeurism & small things.

By all means do what you feel you want but have an honest look at your reasons & the outcomes for you. Your son will have his own life soon enough and yiu will be in tge background. Do you think he'd rather have a father & be in a family than easy access to treats & a shared room or living in poverty without he man he has come to know and possibly love & view as a parent.

Finally. In a matter as important as this, surely there has to be a better way to evaluate, than asking strangers on the Internet.

_Kaiser_

I'd have to completely agree with JustAThought above and as I read through the initial responses I too questioned what was provoking this attitude from some of the posters.

Being late 30s myself, I'd be a bit like your partner insofar as I don't believe in this molly-coddling super Nanny style of parenting that seems to be the norm nowadays. There's nothing wrong with junk food and sweets being asked for or as a treat or expecting a 12 year old to grow up a little and live a bit more independently of mammy. I also don't see any problem with not giving in to every whim. God forbid that kids have boundaries!

As for this nonsense of "who does he think he is!" - he's the OP's partner and living with her and her son as a family and despite what some here might think that comes with certain rights, just as ye'd be the same ones complaining if the guy took no interest in the kid at all.
As for the questions about whether he's hit the child - please! Talk about trying to make mountains out of molehills!!

It sounds to me like the OP's partner is concerned that her son is being indulged too much and needs to grow up a bit - I'd fully agree that a 12 year old should be able to sleep in their own bed, in the dark, without mammy being in earshot - and is trying to help address that (I didn't see any mention of the child's father in this so I'm assuming the OP's partner is the only male in the picture).

But by all means demonise the guy because he doesn't fit the completely inadequate softly-softly "I want to be your friend, not your parent/guardian" parenting style that's so prevalent these days.

It sounds to me like the OP isn't ready to let her son grow up and if that's the case maybe she would be better off ending it with her partner.. for his sake more than anything. I certainly wouldn't live as a family with someone where I wasn't given a say in how a child that was living with us behaved or was raised - especially if I was providing for that child and acting as a father figure.. and I'm far from a "tyrant" but I'm not a doormat either and from my own experience in a similar situation as the OP's partner, I can tell you that a child actually will appreciate a more defined set of "rules" than the aforementioned softly-softly approach. How do I know? She (the 12 year old) told me!

jlm29

The above two posts seem to have come from people who only read half the thread. The op also said that her partner doesn't show any interest in her son- it didn't say that he loves and supports him. She said that her partner tries to control her. She also said he's told her she won't find anyone else who'll take her on if she ends it with him. Even without the issue of a child involved, it sounds like he's not exactly a catch. OP- don't play into his hands and stay with him. Put yourself and your child first!

Emme

jlm29 wrote: »

The above two posts seem to have come from people who only read half the thread. The op also said that her partner doesn't show any interest in her son- it didn't say that he loves and supports him. She said that her partner tries to control her. She also said he's told her she won't find anyone else who'll take her on if she ends it with him. Even without the issue of a child involved, it sounds like he's not exactly a catch. OP- don't play into his hands and stay with him. Put yourself and your child first!

The militant responses are mainly from women. I agree that the responses are somewhat visceral but a woman's instinct is to protect her child and the child in question is not being protected from his mother's partner.

Someone suggested that it was wrong to advocate breaking up a family. Nobody is doing this here. The OP and her son are a family but she has only known her partner 2 years and they are living together 6 months. I wouldn't consider him to be part of her family unit because he shows no interest in her son except to discipline him. He is not the father of her child.

Another poster suggested that he might be restricting treats due to concerns about the child's health. A reasonable partner would discuss his concerns with the child's mother and work out a strategy with her. If he was seriously concerned about the child he might also play football or do some sport with the child to encourage a healthy lifestyle. The OP said that he shows no interest in the child other than to discipline him.

The child slept in the same room with his mother until they were 8 because she was a single mother and that was all they could afford not because she was overprotecting him.

Fair enough, a 12 year old should be able to sleep without a light on but again this woman's partner should have worked out a strategy for this with her and the child. For example, leave her bedroom door open one or two nights a week to start. Explain to her son that his main bedroom light will be off but leave his bedroom door open, and the hall and bathroom light on. Put a lamp beside his bed that he can turn on or off if he wishes. The man's practice of plunging the child into darkness, closing all doors and leaving the hall and bathroom lights off are dangerous as well as frightening to the child.

One poster suggested that the OP's partner loves her. Perhaps he does, but not in a healthy way. He wants to control her and her child. At the end of the day the child is not his and any decision regarding his parenting is up to his mother. Her partner should be free to contribute in a constructive way but his is not doing this at the moment.

The OP said that since he moved in he has got even more bossy and things keep getting worse. He is trying to control the OP as well as her son and he sulks if he doesn't get his own way. That doesn't sound healthy to me. I still think that both the OP and her child (especially her child) would be better off without this man.

I don't have any children and I am currently single but I if I were a single mother I not allow a partner to dictate to my child the way the OP's partner does. I would risk being single for the rest of my life to protect my child from such a person even though the child would eventually grow up and live his/her own life.

ifElseThen

jlm29 is right. A bit of targeted discipline from your partner would be ok if he also had the flip fun side to the relationship with your son. That's the job of being a parent. Have the craic but draw the line when needed.

But your partner shows no interest in having a quality relationship with your son. To me, your partner sounds like a coward and a bully. As he also tries to control you, he is definitely not throwing the discpline out in the interests of your son. Rather, it's probably just a power trip to him, he's picking on the youngest and weakest in the household.

Have you talked to your son about it? When the partner is out, gauge his feelings towards the man, whether he'd like him gone or prefer him to stay or whether he doesn't give a stuff either way.

Emme wrote: »

I would risk being single for the rest of my life to protect my child from such a person even though the child would eventually grow up and live his/her own life.

This is a great point and there are a lot of single mothers in damaging relationships the world over who would do well to take your outlook. Recent case of Daniel Pelka in England being an example. A parent should never let a situation occur where anyone can abuse their child, physically or mentally.

LegacyUser

Op here - thank you so much for all the replies - they have really opened my eyes. Sometimes, you end up accepting peoples treatment of you, hoping it will change and while I would have discussed this with friends lately (so whoever said that it wasn't right to be discussing this with strangers over the internet, is wrong) - and would tell them about various things he does, their replies have mainly been 'he's a man, they are all the same...'. And maybe there are other men who have similar traits, but in hindsight I didn't tell them everything - but there are so many of the these 'traits' that they all build up and destroy my relationship with him.

I can't quote every point made above, but I will answer a few of the questions.

My son is a healthy 12 year old - he has no weight issues, plays GAA and soccer every weekend and trains 3 nites a week. He is a happy, outgoing youngfella who has never known his own dad, but despite this, has numerous uncles and a wonderful grandfather in his life, so my partner isn't the only male role model around. I have done the best I can to ensure that he is a well-rounded kid, given I have been raising him alone.
He slept in the bedroom with me for 8yrs while I was paying 1100pm renting a one bed apartment, until I could save the money to buy a 2 bed, which I did 4yrs ago. So that wasn't a 'choice' I made, unless the poster who suggested it was my choice would prefer that I slept on my couch in the living room?
I did say in my first post that my partner has no interest in my boy. It is almost worse than shouting or roaring at him all the time - I can't think of the word (apathy?) but someone who obviously doesn't want you there because they can't hear the tv, or can't hear the radio cannot go on to love and support you at a later date, can they?

My son can't stand him - I didn't say that initially because I knew what peoples reactions would be - but I protect him enough from being in his company by doing his activities with him myself. My partner moved in mainly because his own lease was up and it made sense at the time - I had hoped that as he lived with us, things would change. But they haven't. I find it incredible that I could have been such a bad judge of character, when I have been a strong enough woman to raise my boy practically alone, worked full time all of my life, bought my own home in the middle of the 'boom' and so on.....

Anyway, I opened up this conversation with him again last night, and as always, I am 'mad', 'imagining it all'. 'it's all in my head' and so on and on and on...

I'm getting rid.

heretochat

Some things struck me from the OP:

Just looking from what we have been told her partner seems to be incredibly intolerant towards her son, and even bordering on resentful towards him. As he is referenced as "my son" I presume he is not the natural father? That might explain how he treats the lad.. Although in my opinion that is not a valid excuse.

The OP seems incredibly insecure and I think the partner has her exactly where he wants her. Saying things like she will never meet anyone else if she leaves him.. And the OP herself feels at 40 she will never meet anyone else.. I wouldn't agree.. 40 is hardly old and washed up.. And either way I would suggest the OP would be better alone than with this man.

Finally, I would agree that the first prioirity should be protection of her son and if that involves getting away from this man then that is what she need to do.

LegacyUser

OP, I have to agree with JustAThought and a few other posts, some of the replies here are really OTT.

This whole notion of "the child always comes first" has to be taken with a pinch of salt, and in fact, 1) there are several studies that show that a strong marriage/strong partnership between the parents/step-parents (ie. your relationship with your partner comes first, not the child) is more beneficial to the child in the long term, and 2) this notion is cultural, if you talk to psychologists in several other countries (US for example) they would advocate you give preference to your partner and not the child.

Of course the well-being of the child is extremely important. But your partner's attitudes are hardly "abusive".

First of all, even if he was the biological father of the child, it's normal to have disagreements on what each parent considers to be the right way to raise a child. And also it's normal for different people to relate differently to their children, whether they are their biological children or not (some parents are very close to them, want to participate in every moment, others see children as any other human beings and don't see the point to be showering them with attention and love. Again depends on the person/background/culture and there's no right or wrong. One generation ago this was very normal, ie for the man to be a very distant father, and you said yourself your partner is very traditional).

I think it's mad to walk away from this relationship just because of this. Even your child would suffer with it. Even if you found a new partner which is great with you and your child (which realistically won't happen, because even if you found someone new tomorrow, and you fell in love with him, and he liked your son, and your son liked him), I can assure you he would have other problems that your current partner doesn't.

You are right and realistic when you say your child won't want to see you in a few years and that it is harder to find a good partner after 40. Unfortunately both things are true. As your child turns 13 he will go through the nightmare of being a teenager, be embarrassed by the mother, throw tantrums etc etc. And you could do with the support of your partner both emotionally and in every day life aspects to discipline your son.

Once you child finishes the teens years, chances are you will rebuild your relationship with him in an adult way, but the next few years are going to be tough.

So in short my suggestion would be, try to talk more openly with your partner about the styles of parenting, pick your battles and accept that he is part of this household and he has the right to have a saying in how you raise your child, and that in a few things you will disagree and have to accept his views too. If necessary, go to couples therapy or whatever it takes. But work things out.

It is really really hard for someone to take over another man's child for so many reasons (emotional/financial/restrains in time/etc) and just the fact that he did so shows an enormous love and respect for both you and your son. Please don't underestimate that.

Emme

dafdasdfafaddfad wrote: »

I think it's mad to walk away from this relationship just because of this. Even your child would suffer with it. Even if you found a new partner which is great with you and your child (which realistically won't happen, because even if you found someone new tomorrow, and you fell in love with him, and he liked your son, and your son liked him), I can assure you he would have other problems that your current partner doesn't.

You are right and realistic when you say your child won't want to see you in a few years and that it is harder to find a good partner after 40. Unfortunately both things are true. As your child turns 13 he will go through the nightmare of being a teenager, be embarrassed by the mother, throw tantrums etc etc. And you could do with the support of your partner both emotionally and in every day life aspects to discipline your son.

Once you child finishes the teens years, chances are you will rebuild your relationship with him in an adult way, but the next few years are going to be tough.

So in short my suggestion would be, try to talk more openly with your partner about the styles of parenting, pick your battles and accept that he is part of this household and he has the right to have a saying in how you raise your child, and that in a few things you will disagree and have to accept his views too. If necessary, go to couples therapy or whatever it takes. But work things out.

It is really really hard for someone to take over another man's child for so many reasons (emotional/financial/restrains in time/etc) and just the fact that he did so shows an enormous love and respect for both you and your son. Please don't underestimate that.

The OP has decided to end the relationship for the sake of her child. I agree that it's hard to meet someone in your forties and up, especially if you're a woman. However that is no reason to put up with bad behaviour from a partner. This man may not be the biological father of the child but he moved into the OP's home when his lease was up so that benefited him. I don't begrudge him that and I'm sure he was paying his way but as he is not the biological father he had no right to tell the OP how to raise her son or interfere in any way without discussing it with her.

Even though he moved into the OP's home he didn't want the OP's son disturbing him listening to the radio and watching telly there. She bought a home for herself and her son (no mean feat for a single mother) and her new partner had no right to dictate to her son there. Especially if he took no positive interest in him.

There were other issues with the relationship and it seems that the OP's partner was throwing the tantrums you say her son will be throwing later on! With him gone she can continue to raise her son on her own terms and when he is grown and flown she can live her life on her own terms. She could have done neither with the man in question.

She may meet somebody else, she may not, it would be unwise to stay with somebody who treats her son badly and who her son hates for the sake of not being alone.

I myself am single and if I got into a relationship with a man who has children I wouldn't start throwing my weight around and telling him how to raise them.

Emme

unregistered wrote: »

Anyway, I opened up this conversation with him again last night, and as always, I am 'mad', 'imagining it all'. 'it's all in my head' and so on and on and on...

I'm getting rid.

I think you are making the right decision. By the sounds of things your partner was "gaslighting" which is a very subtle way of undermining you and in this case your son.

Good luck and well done for raising your son so well up until now. He sounds great.

jlm29

Op, you sound like a great mam, and you've done so much on your own- well done! You know yourself what you think is best for you and your son.
If you're going to get rid, do it ASAP. I don't know about the legal end of things, but I'd imagine that if he's there long enough, he'll have a legal hold on your property! So be careful!

Czarcasm

unregistered wrote: »

He has already said I won't find anyone who will put up with me if I threw him out!

Comes down to this for me OP tbh. He's clearly aware that you're more than capable of finding a man who isn't an aggressive control freak.

While I understand other posters advising you to put your child first OP, I would suggest that you focus on putting yourself first. You won't be able to take care of your child if you're so worn out from putting up with another six miserable months of that clown and his issues.

Clearly too a man isn't a necessity in your life as your son has plenty of male role models, so your son doesn't need a substitute father either, but rest assured there are any number of single men who would be only too glad of the opportunity to be with you and treat your son with the respect he deserves too.

IrishEyes19

The OP's family is her and her son. Her partner has barely been in the door. And Im sorry, but if anyone treated my child badly, I wouldnt have to choose. People amaze with this, in four or five years, he will have his own life ect.....at 15??? At 15, he will most likely be doing the JC exams, coming home, looking for money, complaining about homework ect..wanting to watch tv....ect......basically he will still be a kid. I really dont get how people can assume just because a woman or man gets a new partner, that the new partner is entitled to discipline their child when they barely know them. Militant? No. Protective yes! And damn right so. There's enough drama out there without adding to it.

IrishEyes19

Czarcasm wrote: »

Comes down to this for me OP tbh. He's clearly aware that you're more than capable of finding a man who isn't an aggressive control freak.

While I understand other posters advising you to put your child first OP, I would suggest that you focus on putting yourself first. You won't be able to take care of your child if you're so worn out from putting up with another six miserable months of that clown and his issues.

Clearly too a man isn't a necessity in your life as your son has plenty of male role models, so your son doesn't need a substitute father either, but rest assured there are any number of single men who would be only too glad of the opportunity to be with you and treat your son with the respect he deserves too.

I agree with this too. What a bully and how controlling. Trying to diminish your self worth. Dont fall for it, OP! I agree about minding yourself as well. I think you will do a grand job with your son without this guy causing all this trouble. You need a break and dont ever believe such nasty spiteful words like that. Its a reflection on his own nasty character. Nothing to do with you.

stargazer 68

Op I have been following the thread and just thought that I would add my piece. I met my current partner 2 years ago (online) and he is amazing. I have a 14 year old son and they get on fantastic, he has taken him camping with his own son, go to watch football, movies etc. Im 45 so trust me it can be done!!

stupidpiggy

I've also been following this thread...

I just wanted to also point out that removing your son and their (non) relationship from the scenario altogether...

This man has actually told you you would never find anyone else who would put up with you and you know he believes that.

On it's own this is a reason to pack his bags.