Totally panicking!

PatsyR

Not because I'm single but because according to numerous websites and my own experience so far, I'm going to stay that way and die alone :eek: Ok possibly over dramatic but I couldn't tell you the last time a lad approached me and I don't mean to be all old fashioned but if I approached a lad I wouldn't know if he genuinely liked me and I'd worry about that. And I miss it. I miss that thrill of someone coming up to me and flirting and having the chat. It's not like my only socialising takes place in night clubs or pubs and I'm not fussy or hard to approach but it doesn't happen for me and I honestly don't know what to do

Boombastic

PatsyR wrote: »

................ I don't mean to be all old fashioned but if I approached a lad I wouldn't know if he genuinely liked me a...............

Bite the bit and approach a lad if you like him. If he's not interested he'll say no...no need to be over worrying. Someone will not know if they genuinely like you or not unless they get to know you.

IrishEyes19

Are you approachable OP, or are you so worried when you go out, that it comes across on your face. I think people forget first impressions do mean a lot, I know that when I go out and Im stressed about something, I rarely get approached never mind have a good night, its etched across your face and body language regardless of whether you realise it or not. funnily enough the old cliche, be happy in yourself is so true. The nights where Ive been out with my friends, having a laugh, have been the nights where Ive socialised better. You need to drop the poor me, its not working for me thing. I know where you are coming from, but the sooner you relax, stop wanting it so much, and just get out there and go out for yourself, not to actually meet someone. I had the same conversation with a pal recently and they said to me, they cant remember having a laugh with their friends because they were so concerned with meeting someone and making an impression.

Make going out and socialising fun again. It wont last forever.

And that goes for non clubs and drinking scenarios too. Enjoy the scene for what it is, and someone comes along, take a deep breath and like the above poster says, just have a chat, worst thing is they arent interested. dont be worrying if they are not. Someone cant know you properly in a split second conversation so if they disappear after that, they werent the hassle anyway.

newuser30

what websites are you reading that say you will be alone forever?? If you believe something yourself (that you will die alone) then for sure you will find stuff that support this!
If you are older, then you have to put yourself forward a little more perhaps, basically because men will assume you are attached more often and hence more chance of rejection. If you like someone, be open to chat to them, any hint of desperation and it's a total turn off. Just be easy going and friendly.

strobe

PatsyR wrote: »

Ok possibly over dramatic but I couldn't tell you the last time a lad approached me and I don't mean to be all old fashioned but if I approached a lad I wouldn't know if he genuinely liked me and I'd worry about that.

If the guy approaches you you wont know whether he genuinely likes you either tbh. He might just be looking to have a flirt and a laugh and nothing more. He might just be looking for a ride and not be overly pushed who it's with. He might just want a ONS and nothing more, but might not be quite upfront about that. He might just think you look easy for some reason and not be up to putting in a lot of effort. Hr might be gay and looking for a girl to date to act as his 'cover'. He might have found out his gf is cheating on him and want to get back at her and you happen to be in the same pub as him when he makes that decision. He might have somehow found out you are a perfect transplant match for his dying child and be planning to steal your kidney...

...all the same is true if you make the first approach and he reciprocates too of course...

...but fact is whether you do the approaching and he reciprocates or he does the approaching and you reciprocate doesnt really make a difference in terms of knowing if he's 'genuine' or he genuinely likes you.

There's always a little doubt and a little risk when it comes to love and dating and hooking up.

You can't negate that. But you do have the option of taking a little risk on your part and increasing the chances that you will meet someone that genuinely likes you by meeting more people, and you dont do that by standing around hoping they seek you out as you stand around hoping they seek you out.

Grab the bull by the balls occasionally or great things could be passing you by all the time and you'll never even know it.

thefeatheredcat

PatsyR wrote: »

because according to numerous websites and my own experience so far, I'm going to stay that way and die alone

Firstly whatever websites you are visiting, stop! There are many, many websites and articles that have the sole purpose of making you feel completely and utterly insecure for no purpose at all, except traffic to their site. A good example is yahoo uk and ireland main page and some of the content that regularly appears in there and in the lifestyle section. Same too can be said for various newspapers and their lifestyle/women's interest sections that generally revolve around zoning in on insecurities. Those sort of websites and quizzes and stuff will never ever help you, except make you feel worse about yourself, which is what they are designed to make you feel.

As for your experience, you can always extend your experiences by asking a guy out. I can't put it better than how strobe did, but it is worth pursuing widening your experience..... and in my experience there's lots of guys who even if they knew for sure really liked you, would rather stay silent, never ask you out just because they're shy or worried they'd be rejected and never thinking for a second the answer could be yes, and simply miss out on an opportunity to find a girlfriend or even just a platonic friend who feels the same and has similar interests.

Don't worry and panic on a night out or around generally OP, what IrishEyes said is quite true and I've seen it too in pubs and clubs where there's focus on finding someone, there's a great time to be missed. Someone recently stood out for me at an event at culture night, what I could only describe as an international student who appeared to be on her own (I met her in the ladies toilets and she struck up a conversation with me and a few others in the queue), who had no trouble chatting away (sober, I might add) to people and engaging with others and not looking for anything, just to have a good night for herself. She looked very happy and relaxed - came across as really friendly and open - and at one point, just enjoying the atmosphere and chatting away to whoever without a care about if anything came of it, although I have a feeling she might have made a few friends out of random strangers. I think that even if all she had done was try and engage people and not make friends, she would have been happy with just being herself and chatting away, rather than worrying about what people thought of her or whether she would make friends or meet someone special.

Steamed Hams

strobe wrote: »

If the guy approaches you you wont know whether he genuinely likes you either tbh. He might just be looking to have a flirt and a laugh and nothing more. He might just be looking for a ride and not be overly pushed who it's with. He might just want a ONS and nothing more, but might not be quite upfront about that. He might just think you look easy for some reason and not be up to putting in a lot of effort. Hr might be gay and looking for a girl to date to act as his 'cover'. He might have found out his gf is cheating on him and want to get back at her and you happen to be in the same pub as him when he makes that decision. He might have somehow found out you are a perfect transplant match for his dying child and be planning to steal your kidney...

...all the same is true if you make the first approach and he reciprocates too of course...

...but fact is whether you do the approaching and he reciprocates or he does the approaching and you reciprocate doesnt really make a difference in terms of knowing if he's 'genuine' or he genuinely likes you.

There's always a little doubt and a little risk when it comes to love and dating and hooking up.

You can't negate that. But you do have the option of taking a little risk on your part and increasing the chances that you will meet someone that genuinely likes you by meeting more people, and you dont do that by standing around hoping they seek you out as you stand around hoping they seek you out.

Grab the bull by the balls occasionally or great things could be passing you by all the time and you'll never even know it.

I'd echo this to a large degree except I don't believe there really is much risk at all if you are sensible.

If you are worried that all a man is looking for is sex then don't have sex with him for a while. I think you are using that as an excuse not to approach men.