Having confusing feelings towards another woman

LegacyUser

So as the title says im having some very conflicting feelings towards another female. I would consider myself to be 100% straight. Im in a 10 year relationship with a man i love (im 30). These are feelings ive had on and off all my life (since i was a young teenager anyway). From teachers, to celebrities to the latest which is my gym instructor. I feel i tend to have them towards females i admire. If they are successful, attractive or in great shape i feel myself drawn towards them. Wanting them to like me. Im totally confused by this. I dont know what it means.

IrishEyes19

Well looking for approval is a normal thing, I think everyone seeks that in some shape or form. I guess the standard question for you is, are you physically attracted to these women? That for me would be the big difference. I think its easy to become emotionally attracted to other people. That's admiration, but I think when it crosses beyond and into a physical desire, thats when you might need to ask yourself what you really want.

from what you have described, you sound like you are seeking emotional approval from this women or some form of dependency. I dont know. you havent described being physically attracted, so I'm not sure your issue lies within a romantic setting.

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I just had to reply as something similar has happened to me in the past. I spoke with my counsellor about it in detail and due to this, I am more at ease about it now.
I am straight.
I do not think, people (some if any) are 100 per cent straight tbh.

Like you, I admired 2/3 of my teachers, colleagues and whoever else. These women were impressive in their roles and I thought they were attractive in their own ways. For all these cases, I wanted to impress them and I wanted them to like me.

It has never happened with friends for some reason. Maybe I do not see them in a professional light? I dunno....

I'll think some more but I hope this helps for now......
I'm sure other people have had similar feelings.....Well, let's hear you?

LegacyUser

Well, first of all I'm not straight but I do relate. It's not as though I actively pursue women for sexual needs either so I don't identify as gay. I have had feelings for women since I was 15, she was a friend albeit for a short time (a holiday romance?) but I was attracted to her because she was beautiful, she was probably the first most very beautiful woman I had ever seen and she also seemed to like my company, which made me very happy. It also made me feel confused. I know there were times when I wanted to kiss her but I also knew there was something very wrong about that so I decided it was just something everyone goes through at that stage of life and tried to put it behind me.
Every now and again I will meet someone who makes me feel the same. They usually possess similar physical qualities or personality traits as her which is what I suppose attracts me to them. They are rare and it doesn't happen very often but in comparison, I've never had those feelings for any man so the older I got the more relevant those feelings became.

I'm not interested in sexually attracting men as it happens, come to think of it I'm not especially interested in sexually attracting women but I do tend to get my kicks out of the closeness or security that some female relationships provide and have often turned to them for comfort when nothing else does.

I hesitated to respond but I agree with the posters above, you sound quite normal and I doubt it is anything to be concerned about.

ivytwine

It's actually quite common, especially if you want to be like the woman described.

Men admire each other too, but it's not as societally acceptable. Women do it all the time; just look at magazines where celebrities are discussed in glowing terms. I'd wager most of us have had a girl-crush.

I went to an all-girls school and me and my friend treated this sixth year with beautiful hair like a goddess. I remember comparing notes on when we'd seen her last

It's probably quite odd when it's happening to you as a 30 year old, but treat it like any other infatuation- it'll go away.

LegacyUser

I'm not straight but even I can admire a good looking man, after all I'm not blind. It could be pure admiration or perhaps you aren't as 100% straight as you think. It sounds like you're in a good relationship and it doesn't seem to me from what you've said that these feelings are putting your relationship under threat. Nothing wrong with a little crush. Only you will know if it goes deeper. Be open to the possibility that you may be bisexual. As we grow older we learn new things about ourselves there's no reason to be anxious about it.