How do you know when to end it

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm with my boyfriend about 18 months now. We get along like a house on fire, he's my best friend and I love him. I don't know if I'm in love with him, to be honest I don't know if I've ever been in love with anyone (late twenties).

I guess, while the sex is good, there isn't any intense passion between us. There never has been really. There are so many things I love about him but at the same time I feel like a part of me is settling.

Its hard to reconcile my feelings. If I stay with him a small part of me might wonder who I could have met. If I leave him I think I'll be kicking myself. How do you know when its best to leave?

strobe

trerio wrote: »

Hi, I'm with my boyfriend about 18 months now. We get along like a house on fire, he's my best friend and I love him. I don't know if I'm in love with him, to be honest I don't know if I've ever been in love with anyone (late twenties).

I guess, while the sex is good, there isn't any intense passion between us. There never has been really. There are so many things I love about him but at the same time I feel like a part of me is settling.

Its hard to reconcile my feelings. If I stay with him a small part of me might wonder who I could have met. If I leave him I think I'll be kicking myself. How do you know when its best to leave?

Honestly, if you don't know whether you're in love with him, then you're almost certainly not. If you care about him at all I'd end things, as considerately as possible, and set him free to meet someone else.

Merkin

If you're not in love with him and feel like you're settling then it is most definitely time to call it quits.

Catari Jaguar

If you think you will find someone that you feel "in love" with forever then you are setting yourself up for a fall. That's an illusion. Fireworks and passion and chemistry can only get you so far, that love is blind. Then it burns away and once it's faded you have to see who is left behind, how compatible you are and whether or not you can depend on them to be there for you to love you and to make a life together. A life which includes arguments over dirty socks on the floor, crying babies, paying rent, putting the bins out etc.

Caked Karen

ive just been through the same thing O/P and after about 11 months together, i was asking myself the same questions so i knew deep down that it wasnt working.

I was trying to pick up the courage to do it on random days and then one day we were just sitting on the couch and it call came out. we sat down and had a big chat and both cried cause he is my best friend as well as anything and we get on so so well but i just told him that i loved him so much but wasnt in love with him and yes it did hurt him but he understood which i am so glad for.

at the moment we are still good friends and hang out and stuff (dont know if its a good thing or bad thing) but we are doing ok. I think if you are gonna be friends after, it will all be ok until someone meets someone else and thats when things will be reassessed. hopefully things work out for you! I dont regret finally taking the plunge...at the moment!!!

heretochat

trerio wrote: »

Hi, I'm with my boyfriend about 18 months now. We get along like a house on fire, he's my best friend and I love him. I don't know if I'm in love with him, to be honest I don't know if I've ever been in love with anyone (late twenties).

I guess, while the sex is good, there isn't any intense passion between us. There never has been really. There are so many things I love about him but at the same time I feel like a part of me is settling.

Its hard to reconcile my feelings. If I stay with him a small part of me might wonder who I could have met. If I leave him I think I'll be kicking myself. How do you know when its best to leave?

I think this says it all. Your mind is already halfway out the door and you are only looking to pluck up the courage to tell him it is over.

You need to do this as soon as possible as it is not fair to keep stringing him along on a false pretence.

lookalike

You should read the book-

Too good to leave- too bad to stay. By Mira kirshenbaum.

It helps you decide, instead of wasting your life, time and energy!!!