Something Going On Between My Girlfriend and My Friend

LegacyUser

I really don't know where to turn with this one, maybe someone here has had a similar experience...

My girlfriend and I have been going out 5 years now and have always been deeply in love. We hardly ever fight...I could probably count the occasions on one hand. We've travelled together a lot and have always had such a great connection when it comes to our mutual love of things like music, movies etc.

A while back she became friends with a friend of mine from my own personal circle of friends. Over this time they've grown to become good friends it seems. Ever since, they've been chatting all the time on Facebook and texting. He has been going thru a really rough time lately, but this goes back before that. Now I guess that doesn't seem like such a big deal, but I've gotten the impression that she's being really secretive about their conversations.

My gut feeling is that there is something she's hiding - things have run thru my head such as "maybe they're flirting", "maybe they're confiding in eachother" ( he has a girlfriend too ), or "maybe he's told her he wants to be with her"...I've caught glimpses of their messages but nothing really incriminating.

She always turns her phone over so that I can't see her text messages (they pop up on screen when the phone receives one) ... when she's typing a message she tends to cover up her phone or move to a position away from me so I cant see it ... shes even denied once that she was chatting to anyone when I knew it was him.

Recently we were on a night out and she got drunk, she kept trying to call this guy ( about 5 or 6 times!) to see if he was coming out for a drink with us. As soon as we got home she was messaging him, and as soon as she got up for work she was doing the same. Another time after a few drinks and the 3 of us were out (with other people too), she kept saying how alike me and the guy looked.

What's tearing me up is that I'm madly in love with this girl, and all the conversations that we have together seem normal. She's still affectionate to me, calls me endearing names, want's to see me a lot and do stuff together. But I can't shake this feeling inside...

judgefudge

Mmm. It certainly looks a bit fishy.

Is there any chance you're being paranoid? I mean maybe you're just hypersensitive about the whole thing and she's just hiding the messages because it's personal to him. Maybe since he's going through a bad time he's confiding things to her that he'd be embarassed for you to know.

That's kind of clutching at straws though. They are both in relationships so I'd find the whole thing bizarre too. Have you asked her about it?

Cinel Moen

To be brutally honest it doesn't sound good.

It must be annoying when you know she is messaging him turning her phone away and denying it. Her denying it is suspicious I would think. How would she and he feel if you did the exact same thing?

I personally don't think it's on to do things like that. Does his GF know about this. But before you do, do anything about it make sure you add up all the evidence and pro cons of it.

I would be pissed off if twas me.

jimmycrackcorm

Your gut instinct is correct. However at what level is unknown. You should confront her especially about the overtly hiding of messages.

Don't do the whole jealous thing but point out that some of her behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable in your relationship.

bp

Ok I am very close to my OH's friend who was best man at our wedding and what this man tells me is in confidence and would never tell OH because it is not his business (which he accepts) but I would not act how your GF is acting that does seem extreme and a bit fishy alright. Maybe they are what the other cannot have and therefore can flirt without consequence? It does seem weird though.

Hannibal Smith

To me, if she's hiding her texts from you, that means there's something to hide. I have male friends that I text quite often but I'll never move away from the other half while replying. If I do its usually to get more comfortable while texting. ..or it could be that they've told me something confidential and if that's the case I'll explain it to the other half.

Sounds like she may be fancies this guy.

LegacyUser

No I haven't confronted her yet about it, I wouldn't know where to start. Maybe I could be just paranoid, but I need to know the truth. I've a feeling that if something is going on she wont even tell me about it if I confront her, and then she will cover it up even more. Are there any signs of chemistry between them I should look out for?

Howard Juneau

Has her attitude towards you changed? Do you still enjoy each others company & do all the exciting things you did 4-5 years ago?
It might just be a little boredom settling in & perhaps she doesn't have a lot of male friends & sees this guy as an outlet to do other things, maybe they have similar interests that you don't share?
Who knows, but I would suggest you broach the subject with her asap. It can't go on festering in your mind like this, you have to find out if your fears are justified or if you are projecting

Merkin

Whether there is something going on or not she is behaving really inappropriately what with the secrecy and the constant stream of contact. Have you sat down and asked her or do you feel you just need proof at this stage? You need to address it that's for sure.How is your relationship with the guy in question, still add friendly as ever? Do you see him independently still?

Big Bag of Chips

OP, Anonymous posts need to be preapproved by a moderator before they appear here. There is no need to repost the same post. Just be patient and your post will appear when a mod gets to it.

tinkerbell

OP, doesn't look good I'm afraid. It's one thing telling somebody something in confidence. It's entirely a different story if you're texting from the minute you wake up, to during the day, after a night out, ringing 5 or 6 times while on a night out, moving her phone away from you every time she texts him .... If he was confiding in her, well he's not doing it every single time .... The fact that she keeps ALL contact hidden is very suspect .... I'd be confronting her about it. You've been together five years, you deserve more respect than this.

Big Bag of Chips

Is it one sided? You said she rang him 5 or 6 times on a night out.. did he ring her back at any stage?

She texts him first thing in the morning. Does he ever text her first?

Maybe she has confused the boundaries, and maybe because she is your gf and he is your friend he feels the need to "humour" her. He must think you are ok with all this contact?

You need to talk to her. It is never a good place in a relationship when one person is afraid of bringing up something that really really bothers them. In a relationship you should feel comfortable discussing anything with your partner without fear of them blowing up at you or finishing it etc.

And if they do do that, is that really the type of relationship you want to continue? Where your feeling/fears always have to take a backseat to the other persons' feelings.

You need to talk to her. She has gone too far.

CaraMay

You need to sit her, him and his gf down and ask that the f is going on? Is he encouraging her? Sorry op but sounds to me like she is lining up your replacement and if you continue to let her she will take your self respect and all with her.

Confront them but make sure his gf knows what's going on too

judgefudge

Is she like this with other friends? Some people are just crazy for texting. I have one friend that could send me upwards of 10 texts in an evening before I even get a chance to reply. It's just his way and we are completely platonic friends.

Is she like this with everyone and you're just picking up on the friendship with your friend?

Either way you said you think if you confronted her she'd lie and cover up more. Do you even trust her? Doesn't sound healthy at all Op.

banquo

Gut instinct is too often correct. Though it may not be precisely correct about the nature of the relationship, it's usually correct when telling you that something is fishy.

Troughthemill

I'm sorry but I just ended my 5 year relationship and I wish I had of done it when I was feeling like you are now.. My ex put codes on his phone and ran out the door to speak every time it rang the secrecy is the part that destroys you.

Of course my ex like your GF had reasons and excuses and because I loved him I ignored my gut instincts and gave him the benefit of the doubt now I'm single and lonely and hes going out with one of the girls he was in touch with (after 5 weeks)

If you have any hope of salvaging this relationship you need to talk to both of them separately and I'd speak to your friend first.

The lesson I learned from my Experience is to always trust your gut, and to act before the paranoia ruins your relationship because once the trust is gone its over