Dummy ring or not?

sinlessgunner

Hi all,

Yet another engagement ring advice question... of sorts. I have decided that I am going to pop the question on new years eve. Between now and then I can't see myself saving ~2k for a ring plus the cost of the 2 nights away. I think that the timing of the proposal is more important than having the right ring, so I was thinking about using a 'dummy' ring and then picking a ring together when I've gotten the money.

My OH is not into jewellery at all except for necklaces. She doesn't wear rings or bracelets and has never really expressed much interest in them so its impossible for me to know what kind of ring she would like. I can't drop any hints because she's very perceptive and we've been together some time so she would know straight away. I want it to be a complete surprise.

I was thinking of getting a relatively inexpensive ring (but still good) and having it engraved with our names and the date, so its still a token that she would have, as opposed to a throwaway.

Is this a done thing? Or would I just look like an unimaginative eejit? Really torn by this would appreciate some advice

Nope, I got herself a claddagh ring for proposing and then we both picked the engagement ring after. It is up to you, go for a Johnny Onion Ring if you think it'll make her laugh!

stargazer 68

sinlessgunner wrote: »

Hi all,

I think that the timing of the proposal is more important than having the right ring, so I was thinking about using a 'dummy' ring and then picking a ring together when I've gotten the money.

Im going to get shot down for this but why on earth would you think that? Being proposed to on NYE or Valentines Day is lovely but then you don't have a ring to show off and thats the first thing people ask. Personally I would rather be proposed to with the ring or a 'dummy' ring and get the proper one a few days later. But that's just me.

Teyla Emmagan

sinlessgunner wrote: »

I was thinking of getting a relatively inexpensive ring (but still good) and having it engraved with our names and the date, so its still a token that she would have, as opposed to a throwaway.

Is this a done thing? Or would I just look like an unimaginative eejit? Really torn by this would appreciate some advice

I think this is a lovely thoughtful gesture. I wouldn't get a ring though, could you get her a locket maybe if she wears necklaces?

To me having any sort of dummy ring wouldn't be important TBH, it's the proposal that matters!

John Mason

my husband got me a beautiful necklace because i told him, i didnt want him wasting his money on a promise ring and i want to pick the ring cos i knew what i wanted

Delsar

We were away on a weekend in Kerry and he proposed with an inexpensive ring (it was too big but I still have it in a box). I was delighted he had thought of it. We got my engagement ring together before we went home to see everyone. I don't think it would have mattered if we didn't have it before we met everyone though. I was delighted we went ring shopping together.

sinlessgunner

Dovies wrote: »

Im going to get shot down for this but why on earth would you think that? Being proposed to on NYE or Valentines Day is lovely but then you don't have a ring to show off and thats the first thing people ask. Personally I would rather be proposed to with the ring or a 'dummy' ring and get the proper one a few days later. But that's just me.

It's not necessarily the fact that its NYE, but that night has significance for us so that's why its important to me. I get what you're saying though because I'm not going to have the money for a ring for at least a month or 2 after the proposal and of course its all people want to see. That's why I thought I would get a nice ring, round the 150-200 mark that looks similar to an engagement ring, and it would suffice until we could get the real thing.

ElleEm

sinlessgunner wrote: »

It's not necessarily the fact that its NYE, but that night has significance for us so that's why its important to me. I get what you're saying though because I'm not going to have the money for a ring for at least a month or 2 after the proposal and of course its all people want to see. That's why I thought I would get a nice ring, round the 150-200 mark that looks similar to an engagement ring, and it would suffice until we could get the real thing.

I would personally say wait til you can afford the ring. She will be tormented by people asking to see it when you announce your engagement, and the excitement will have gone away when you can actually afford it.

sinlessgunner

Well I reckon I could stretch to a budget of 1500 for a ring around the time. Would I get a nice ring for that price? I had a quick look online and seen various ones in that price range. Would it be worth waiting the extra month and adding 500-600 more to the budget? Is there a noticeable difference in rings around that price (i.e. clarity, colour etc.) Obviously a ring costing 3 or 4k is better than one costing 1500 but I think its insane spending that kind of money on a ring tbh.

Cocolola

I have nothing helpful to add really except to say there's absolutely no need to be spending a lot of money on a ring. We got my ring in an antique shop for around €500 (and I still feel guilty that he wouldn't let me go halves) and it's beautiful. White gold, 3 diamonds, never seen anything like it anywhere else. Personally speaking, I wouldn't be comfortable with having that kind of money spent on me and I also love that my ring has a story and is a bit more individual. So check out a few antique shops and see how you get on. Best of luck.

conf101

Nothing new to add to the discussion. Like others have said it's a personal thing and will vary from couple to couple.

For me, I don't like promise rings, and engagement ring is the ring you give your fiancee when you propose and when I proposed it was important to me to have the ring. But I can see how others feel about picking the ring together.

If she's not that into jewelry I can't imagine she'd be that fussy about picking out her own ring, in which case I'd go ahead and get the ring yourself. If the date has meaning to you and you've chosen a fantastic ring then chances are the whole proposal will be what's important to her, not getting to choose a ring.

If you've been going out for a long time then nobody on here knows her like you do. What do you think she'd prefer?

sinlessgunner

conf101 wrote: »

If she's not that into jewelry I can't imagine she'd be that fussy about picking out her own ring, in which case I'd go ahead and get the ring yourself. If the date has meaning to you and you've chosen a fantastic ring then chances are the whole proposal will be what's important to her, not getting to choose a ring.

If you've been going out for a long time then nobody on here knows her like you do. What do you think she'd prefer?

That's the thing though, I don't have a fantastic ring and the right date. I have either a promise ring on the right date with a view to a fantastic ring later; or a possibly mediocre engagement ring on the right date.

While she doesn't wear much jewellery she is quite fussy about the few things she does wear, as well as her clothes etc. so I don't want to muck it up either! I know that at the end of the day it is a situation unique to every couple, I'm just trying to get an overall consensus on it. And also if there would be much of a comparison between a ring that costs 1500 and one that costs 2k because that could be the difference in me having one on the day or not

Teyla Emmagan

She will be wearing that ring forever. Personally I would hold off until you have the money and let her choose herself. I'm sure she'd rather wait for the right ring then have the wrong one just so she has something to show people for a few months.

coats

TBH, the perfect ring doesn't have to cost thousands, I picked mine out myself and it was less than 100 euro. I adore it and wouldn't swap it for any of the more expensive ones

seosamh1980

I think you should get her a necklace/pendant/locket with an engraving like you mentioned, if she wears them it would be a keepsake of the occasion she'll definitely wear, if you get a dummy ring and then the real ring and she's not one that wears rings the first one will be a waste, a pretty engraved waste. When we got engaged people didn't ask to see the ring when it was still very new news, for us it was just a matter of picking the ring up as I inherited a ring but people weren't bothered, I just said "No ring yet" and most of them I think assumed we hadn't bought one yet so just moved along without asking any more.

I love the idea of a necklace to mark the occasion, I'm a big sap and would get Will You Marry Me engraved on it or something

conf101

It sounds to me like a dummy ring would suit your situation better. To be honest there isn't really a consensus - plenty of people prefer both and there's no right or wrong option, just what works best for you. If you do go for a dummy ring don't worry about people asking to see the ring, people are used to engaged couples not having a ring yet.

Just to add in that a perfect ring doesn't mean an extremely expensive one. I spent far, far less than €1500 on my engagement ring and my fiancee absolutely loves it.

Gatica

seosamh1980 wrote: »

I think you should get her a necklace/pendant/locket with an engraving like you mentioned, if she wears them it would be a keepsake of the occasion she'll definitely wear, if you get a dummy ring and then the real ring and she's not one that wears rings the first one will be a waste, a pretty engraved waste. When we got engaged people didn't ask to see the ring when it was still very new news, for us it was just a matter of picking the ring up as I inherited a ring but people weren't bothered, I just said "No ring yet" and most of them I think assumed we hadn't bought one yet so just moved along without asking any more.

I love the idea of a necklace to mark the occasion, I'm a big sap and would get Will You Marry Me engraved on it or something

I think this is one of the nicest suggestions! If she wears necklaces a lot, this is something that could really mean a lot to her. My hubby proposed with a necklace as well, one I had commented a few months before that that I liked. I then got the matching earrings and bracelet as a wedding gift from him the day we got married. It's a very special set for me now.

I enjoyed picking the ring and am glad he didn't pick it because I'm so particular.

If you're going ahead with a dummy ring I wouldn't suggest spending such a large amount of money on it as that makes up a large enough proportion of your budget. A dummy ring can be really cheap! 20 quid. Pop into a small silver jewellers, and they're bound to have a plain silver ring with a cubic zirconia...
Also, you don't need to tell everyone of your engagement right after. It can be an exciting little secret for the two of you until you're ready to share the news and show off the ring.

Ms.Sunshine

I agree with every one saying about getting her a nice keep sake ie) A locket. I find the idea of a 'Dummy ring' rather tacky.

If you went in to an antique shop you could probably get a unique one at a good price, if that is the case maybe on your break away at New Years why not go ring shopping the next day before ye go home?

She doesn't need know the price you are willing to spend, just ring the Jewellers in advance and let them know you will be in on the day and tell them your budget. That way if she is Picky she can pick some thing she loves.

Good Luck

Matt_Trakker

sinlessgunner wrote: »

saving ~2k for a ring plus the cost of the 2 nights away.

Fly to Poland/Czech Rep/Romania/Hungary, but the same ring for 1/4 price. Sorted.

pooch90

I think the dummy ring is nice but only if you can go shopping within a week or so, any longer than that is too long IMHO.

Stephen_89

hi there - just wondering if anyone here knows a jewellers in dublin that do rings on credit? hm samuels do but only in the uk. thanks!