How to deal with not being perfect?

LegacyUser

Hello.

First of all, I am not talking about being perfect without regards to looks, personality, etc. I know that is not possible and we all have our flaws and I do not care about that. Just thought I'd clear that up before I start.

Okay, so I have serious problems with my life. The thing is I have a great life being honest about it. I'm 18, living at home with no problems, have a decent job, do well in school, play sports at a high level, fit, have good friends, etc. My problem is that I want everything to be perfect.

This may sound very stupid to all of you and I know it is but anyway here it goes. I start "new lives" all the time. Really it's just a thing for my brain as it gives me the impression of a fresh start, a clean slate. I make a new twitter account and delete all old facebook messages and text messages, etc. Then I would begin my so called new life at exactly 00.00 with a tweet to mark the occasion.

I would begin with great intentions. E.g: Everything I do, I will do well. I will go to the gym and workout or go training every day. I will do my homework and study every day. I will be healthy and give up bad food and my stop drinking coke which I am addicted to. I will make smart bets. I will start playing tennis and become good. I won't lose a match on Fifa. Etc.

Now the thing is these are all in my head. As in, I would plan to do all of the above. But the next day I would have a can of coke or something, or I wouldn't go to the gym for whatever reason. And this just makes me feel so ****. It just makes me give up on the life and I just do the opposite of all I want to do (eat ****, no work at school, etc) until I decide to start over in a couple of days.

Basically, I just can't deal with the fact that not all aspects of my life that I can control be perfect. I just for some reason believe that I should be capable doing all the stuff I listed above without any problems or setbacks. It's totally unrealistic and I know it's stupid but I just can't deal with it at all.

I have never told anyone this before and this is the first time I am seeking advice. It has come to the stage where my life is becoming pointless - as in, most of my time is spent doing what I shouldn't be doing (after I mess something up) while I wait to start my new life. I am aware that I have tremendous ability and potential. I have been doing this for over 18 months I would say and I know that if I had just had a normal attitude towards things from the beginning that I could have done and achieved so much in my life. At this moment in time, I am a waster.

And I'm not saying that to put myself down, it's just a fact at the moment. And before people try suggesting anything about negative talk, self-confidence, etc., I am a very confident person and I generally have a positive outlook on life except for when things go wrong as outlined above. One thing I do have is I have the utmost confidence and belief in my abilities and in my capabilities as a person, and that I can achieve anything in life.

Sorry for the long post. I just thought it would be best to try and give as much information as possible to give people a clearer image of my situation. I know it's silly but I would appreciate any advice you could give.

Merkin

I think you're doomed if you continually set such ridiculously high standards for yourself.

I simply don't get jealous of other people because I know that there will always be someone smarter than me, prettier than me, thinner than me, funnier than me, richer than me, more successful than me....I don't give up on life because of this, I simply acknowledge it as is and where some people excel others might not. I'm blessed with what I have and applaud other people's strengths and achievements too. One can only try their best but it doesn't mean giving yourself a needlessly hard time along the way.

It seems like you want everything to be absolutely perfect and for you to be a Stepford-like individual (almost to the point of OCD) which is just unrealistic and unattainable....life gets in the way sometimes. So you fancied a can of coke? Big deal. If it was a bag of smack or you were robbing old ladies at knife point that would make you a pretty messed up person but an occasional can of coke if you have an otherwise healthy diet and lifestyle does not make it necessary to forge a new pseudo identity.

Why don't you try looking at the bigger picture rather than the current self-flagellation imposed because of small (and really quite unimportant) slip-ups?

thegreatgonzo

Could you not just focus on a couple of things at a time like giving up coke and taking up tennis? (Coke is poison alright). Then you could add a few things as you get more on top of it. By the way what do you mean by making smart bets? I don't want to offend you but you sound a bit obsessive and you should stay well clear of gambling it's very insidious.
I used to obsessively keep a diary which in a way functioned the same way as your new FB accounts etc (except that it was continuous). One time when I was feeling like I hadn't achieved anything or done much with my life I looked back at one of my life-improving-to-do-lists I'd made a couple of years before that and I realised that I had undertaken most of the stuff on the list but I'd either forgotten it or just that those things didn't seem important to me anymore. But at the time I made the list it seemed like it was of urgent significance to avoid a life of complete uselessness and as you say being a waster.
If this problem is making you seriously unhappy for extended periods you could talk to someone in AWARE or even your GP. From what I can gather from your post though it sounds like you are usually on top of it and you are just feeling particularly low at the moment but you are best judge of your own feelings.

CdeC

Life is about making mistakes and learning from them and accepting them and moving on.
You can strive to be good and things and give 100% to your activities but to be a well rounded person you need to accept that you will struggle with things, especially if they are new and unfamiliar. Live is about a lot of small steps to bring you to a place you want to be.
Read about any successful entrepreneur and they will tell you that they had a whole lot of failure before they hit success and part of the process was learning from that failure and moving and letting it go.

One thing you need to accept is that you, as much the same as the rest of the planet, are not perfect. You have things that you are bad at and things that you are good at. Accept and love yourself for the flawed individual you are. do the things you enjoy. Improve things you are bad at, if they mean something to you but stop trying to be perfect as noone is.