Leaving student accommodation? Help :(

sadprincess

Hi guys, I've recently moved back to college for my second year, but I feel so down. Last year, I enjoyed my course but did not enjoy living away from home, and found it awfully difficult to make friends, and spent most of my time alone. I was thankful to be going home for summer, and worked full time during the break, and I came back thinking things would be better, but they're worse and I just want to go home, I don't fit in here I live close enough to the city to make it possible for me to leave student accommodation and travel to college every day (a bit of a trek, but I can manage it) and finish my degree, but I'm worrying about the cost of the accommodation, as I already have paid for half of the year, and if I leave, will they demand I pay for the other half also? I know I've only been here a week, but I spent all last year here and didn't enjoy it. I'm just not suited to college life, and there's a strong history of mental illness in my family which I'm very aware of, and I think I should remove myself from a situation that is making me feel so horrible, because I don't want to end up as sad as last year. Any help is greatly appreciated!!

Vision of Disorder

I'd be mildly surprised if you're expected to pay for the second half of the yearly accommodation but that's purely a gut feeling on my part.

As for the rest of your problems, as a diagnosed depressive myself, I can appreciate how damaging isolation can be. That said I wouldn't necessarily throw the baby out with the bath water just yet either. Can I ask what specifically it is about college life that you feel you are struggling with? I'm finished with college a while now but while I hated elements of of it overall I found it a pretty good time for the most part.

Ultimately only you can make the decision for yourself but I would urge you not to make an impulsive one (regarding college anyway, switching where you live shouldn't have to be a huge choice). You got through first year and deserve credit for that alone. What has changed this year?

sadprincess

Vision of Disorder wrote: »

I'd be mildly surprised if you're expected to pay for the second half of the yearly accommodation but that's purely a gut feeling on my part.

As for the rest of your problems, as a diagnosed depressive myself, I can appreciate how damaging isolation can be. That said I wouldn't necessarily throw the baby out with the bath water just yet either. Can I ask what specifically it is about college life that you feel you are struggling with? I'm finished with college a while now but while I hated elements of of it overall I found it a pretty good time for the most part.

Ultimately only you can make the decision for yourself but I would urge you not to make an impulsive one (regarding college anyway, switching where you live shouldn't have to be a huge choice). You got through first year and deserve credit for that alone. What has changed this year?

thanks for replying! I wasn't happy at all last year, but had interest in the course, tried to work as best i could, and I did get on well. But I'm very isolated and don't know many people, I'm a very friendly and open person, but I just miss my old friends. I'm independent at home (a car and a job), but I am just a homebird, and don't like being away from family and friends by myself. I've done one year of being lonely and homesick all the time and can't stand the thought of another one. I am a member of societies and know people through that, but I'm still so down, and have barely any interest in getting out of bed, not to mind going out to clubs, which I usually enjoy. I wouldn't think about dropping out, just moving out. Thanks again (and I hope you're ok)

Vision of Disorder

You will probably lose your deposit if you move before the end of your lease (half the academic year right?). Other than that I don't think there's anything stopping you from moving. A understanding landlord might even give you back your deposit if you're lucky.

On the isolation part, I have an idea what that's like, all I can urge you to do is force yourself out of bed in the morning and go about your day, it is generally of benefit. How far from home are you living/studying out of interest?

sadprincess

Vision of Disorder wrote: »

You will probably lose your deposit if you move before the end of your lease (half the academic year right?). Other than that I don't think there's anything stopping you from moving. A understanding landlord might even give you back your deposit if you're lucky.

On the isolation part, I have an idea what that's like, all I can urge you to do is force yourself out of bed in the morning and go about your day, it is generally of benefit. How far from home are you living/studying out of interest?

I'm living on campus, and with a big population, I'm afraid they might be very strict and make me pay for the full year? (nearly €5000!!!!) I live about an hour away, it's a slight trek, but I know others doing it and am willing to do it myself. I do make myself get up and go into college, but just feel so empty there, knowing I am going back to a place where I am not close to anyone. I know I must sound like a little kid, but it's just the way I'm built. And I'm only 20, I'm sure there's others like me out there! At home I'm full of life and can go away and do my own thing all day, but I struggle here without a strong group of people around me

Vision of Disorder

I don't see that they practically could make you pay for the full year. I'll qualify that again though by stressing that I've not dealt with anything like that for quite a while so I could be way off!

Don't feel bad about feeling bad. That's the strongest advice I can give anybody. You are entitled to feel like you do about a situation. How you react to that feeling you may have a little more direct input into however.

Look I'll give you my own example again. After a pretty horrendous battle with the blues in the second half of last year I changed jobs in April. I moved a few hours away from home, from my family and close friends, it's something I felt I needed to do, to get a fresh start.

I'm pretty isolated now. I have one friend who passes through my new, rural home town for a day or so most weeks but that aside I spend most of my time alone up here. In the evenings after work I run, I write, I play video games, I watch a lot of DVDs, I read (I try to fill my time even in small ways).

Most weekends I go home and try to arrange equally full weekends with my loved ones. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there might be a piece of you that always feels isolated and apart from most others, that's how the world exists for some of us. That doesn't have to condemn you to loneliness however, try and keep yourself occupied, skype friends and family from home during the week, talk to people (like we're doing now even, I bet it's helped a little?), be good to yourself. These are all just ideas, nobody will be able to help you more than yourself and that will always be true but there's nothing wrong with getting help from others too. If you continue to feel isolated or depressed or unhappy consider an appointment with your college counselling service, it can't really hurt and could be very beneficial!

sadprincess

thanks very much for all your help, I think I'll contact the college tomorrow and try to sort out the accommodation with them. I just am not suited to isolation, I know you felt you needed to get away from things, but I feel the opposite, like I need to get back to them! I'm sorry to hear you went through that last year, and I hope you are feeling a bit better with your fresh start anyone else have any words of advice?

alleystar

sadprincess wrote: »

Hi guys, I've recently moved back to college for my second year, but I feel so down. Last year, I enjoyed my course but did not enjoy living away from home, and found it awfully difficult to make friends, and spent most of my time alone. I was thankful to be going home for summer, and worked full time during the break, and I came back thinking things would be better, but they're worse and I just want to go home, I don't fit in here I live close enough to the city to make it possible for me to leave student accommodation and travel to college every day (a bit of a trek, but I can manage it) and finish my degree, but I'm worrying about the cost of the accommodation, as I already have paid for half of the year, and if I leave, will they demand I pay for the other half also? I know I've only been here a week, but I spent all last year here and didn't enjoy it. I'm just not suited to college life, and there's a strong history of mental illness in my family which I'm very aware of, and I think I should remove myself from a situation that is making me feel so horrible, because I don't want to end up as sad as last year. Any help is greatly appreciated!!

Are you living in a student complex owned by the college you're attending? If so they can be awful when it comes to getting your money back. There should be a website listing all the terms and conditions if you choose to leave early though, so have a read of that.

I know in the student accommodation I'm living in, if I left now I wouldn't get any of my money back unless they got another student to take up my room.

You could discuss it with one of the student's union (if you have decent one's) and tell them your problem and try somehow through their intervention to get the majority of your money back. If it was just a landlord you were dealing with then they could be more a lot more understanding, accommodation run by the colleges go to ridiculous lengths to keep your money, the same for keeping pricey deposits at the end of the year too.