So confused.

LegacyUser

I have been with my boyfriend about ten months, it was a whirlwind romance and I can safely say that I love him and that he loves me. He started a new business about two months, I have been helping out and I have no issue with that, but it's been very slow to start with. It's a social business, so it means his hours are from late in the afternoon until 12/1pm at night so I was aware that he wouldn't be around much at night and that's no problem, but because it's slow to start he tends to stay late. Sometimes, he wouldn't come home until 4/5am! He would say to me at say 1am, I will be home in twenty minutes. Three hours and four calls/text later he still isn't home. My main issue with this is what he is doing is illegal and he could get into lots of trouble, but secondly I am up half the night of me worrying.

I have tried to just go to sleep and ignore that he is doing this, but I haven't been able to so far. It's just too much of a worry, I know in one way he has no choice as he could lose the business if he doesn't take his chances when he has it. But on the other hand, it's not sustainable and its really getting out of control now. He has been down there till 5am five days this week and he was already warned by the landlord that he can't keep doing this, yet he won't listen to reason!

The other side of it is, I hate that he promises that he will come home at a reasonable hour yet most nights this goes out the window! Last night I was working with him, but left at 12.30pm, he promised me and looked me in the eye and said he would be no later than 2am. He wasn't home till after 4am.

I totally freaked out and packed his bags last night, but unpacked them this morning. I know in many ways he does this for me, so we have a happy, future together. But I'm not sure I want a future, where my husband is always lying about when he will come home.

I am trying to find a compromise, but he just won't budge.

Merkin

Don'tknowwhattodo wrote: »

He started a new business about two months

It's it's illegal it's not a bona fide business. Call it a scam or a tax-dodge or racket but it's not a business.

If he displays this amount of honesty in his professional life then why would you expect him to be honest in his personal life and come home at the time he says he will?

LegacyUser

Sorry, his business is legal but extending his opening hours isn't! He's not a drug dealer or something, you completely misunderstood my post!

Faith

Merkin wrote: »

It's it's illegal it's not a bona fide business. Call it a scam or a tax-dodge or racket but it's not a business.

If he displays this amount of honesty in his professional life then why would you expect him to be honest in his personal life and come home at the time he says he will?

I imagine it's a pub that he's letting people stay in after closing time. Not uncommon at all, but illegal nonetheless.

Is the issue the lying, or him coming home late in the night? To be honest, if it is a pub, then I get why he's doing it. Often times when I've gotten to know bar staff, they've invited me to stay after closing and it does encourage me to frequent the bar more often. But he's creating trouble for himself by doing it all the time.

I personally would just ask him to honestly tell you what time he'll be home at. At least then you might be able to relax. Explain that lying is worse than telling the truth, no matter what.

On the other hand, if you can't cope with him working all night, then I'm not sure there's a compromise to be had there.

LegacyUser

For one I am upset that all of these late nights could end up causing him trouble with the police, but it also drives me mental that he just isn't honest with me. He looks me in the eye and lies straight to my face, he says it's not deliberate, but I can't understand how it can't be if he knows he has no choice in the matter.

Moomoo1

yeah, I can be like that too. Say 'I am coming back soon' and... well... not do so.

it's incurable. I know it is. Gets better with age and circumstances, but never goes away. You know you won't be back soon, but your tongue just doesn't turn to say it.

LegacyUser

op your boyfriend isnt really being dishonest with you he is is just coming home late. if people are used to staying on late its gonna be harder for him to get rid of them. however even if he is caught i dont think the police will be too strict the first time but dont quote me on that

is your boyfriend just trying to make a profit or has he trouble being assertive or is it his matesd that are their and he finds it hard to say no them?