New Single Dad

Steve74

Hi All,

I have just moved back to Ireland, and am living with one teenager and one tweenager, girls. Their mum has stayed living abroad, so it is just the three of us, back in our family home, having lived 3 years in germany and 1 year in dubai, as part of my job postings.

I would find helpful any advice, particularly from other dads in the same circumstances, as I find myself in unknown territory. The girls chose to come and live with me, once we told them we were separating, but given I was working, and travelling a good deal, I have a lot to catch up on. We are very close, I am good at the emotional bit, but I worry about the two girls growing up, and would appreaciate any advice. Their mum is 7 hours flight away, so the visiting will be sporadic. I know this is unusual in Ireland, and elsewhere I guess, but I am in the situation where their mother chose not to return to ireland, even though the girls were. I have stopped traveling for work, and work from home, so I get to spend time with them everyday.

I would also like to know some of the do's and don'ts when chatting to other mums. I guess sleepover's at my house are out, given there is no mum here, but I dont really know. Also, how best to handle the hormonal outbursts of two girls! The younger one, is vocalising the sadness at the absence of her mum, but the teenager says nothing. Mums advice would be great her too.

Any advice offered would be appreciated!

Steve

Sweet_pea

Steve74 wrote: »

I guess sleepover's at my house are out, given there is no mum here, but I dont really know. Also, how best to handle the hormonal outbursts of two girls! The younger one, is vocalising the sadness at the absence of her mum, but the teenager says nothing. Mums advice would be great her too.

Any advice offered would be appreciated!

Steve

I chose to live with my dad in the mid 90's, it was pretty uncommon in my area. I just wanted to say that I use to have sleepovers in my house all the time, (my poor dad was always surrounded my lunatic teenage girls!!) I can't believe this would be a problem if you've already shown you're capable of looking after teenagers.

Also, I always knew I could talk to my dad about anything, although as a teenager I didn't always want to actually talk to him about my problems. I always knew he was there for me which I think is very important.

Not sure if any of that helps.

Queen-Mise

On hormonal outbursts - keep lines of communication open. Don't give attention to bad behaviour, this is as true of teenagers as of toddlers.

Internet ASAP - so they can Skype their mom. And also watch sites they are visiting. Ask.fm is absolutely banned [that is the horrible website, where people can be bullied on, a couple of suicides recently connected to it].

Don't worry about the sleepovers - no reason why not having a female in the house is any reason to not have them.

Ireland is not as backwards as it was - so don't worry about the other parents. Your only problem is they will see an eligible bachelor and try to set you up

ladam

Obviously the girls have a strong connection to you since they chose to live with you so my advice would be not to worry as much as you are. Keep your line of communication open and show them that you are there even if its uncomfortable. Dont be afraid to talk about their mam but do it in a positive way, the last thing they need is to feel you're resentful towards her. Please dont stop your girls from having sleepovers etc, just because there is no women there , it makes no difference. Most parents will just want a repsonsible adult regardless of gender. But if it is a worry for YOU speak to the parent beforehand so they know the that its just you. Ireland is alot more open than people think and theres all different types of family situations so once you's are happy no one will bat an eyelid.
Good luck with everything