Advice please!

LegacyUser

Hello boardsies,
Was hoping for some advice on a issue I'm having.

Bit of background. My long-term of the past ten years has been suffering badly from depression for the past few years. She's doing counselling and the like.

As a result of the depression, our sex life over the last few years has dwindled down to non-existent. Maybe ten times in a year, and then, for over a year, we didn't have sex once. Because I love her, I endured this, hard as it was for me. She had all sorts of body image issues relating to her depression, I understood that too. I was patient in the hope that it would get better as she (hopefully) would.

Anyway, we had something of a breakthrough last month, and actually had sex. I was (obviously) delighted, not so much for the act itself, but the fact that it meant that hopefully a pretty fundamental aspect of our relationship was getting better. Since then, nothing (I'm trying not to push too much, don't want to pressure her).

That's the background. It is doubtless an issue in itself, but that's not what I'm writing about.

This week, I was looking for something that's been missing a while. All very innocent I promise. I was looking in a clothes drawer of hers, when I came across a vibrator with fresh batteries hidden in the back. Now I'm not stupid, I remember buying this with her years ago, we never used it as she was not comfortable doing so. The thing is, the vibrator was well used (worn, if you like). Now I've absolutely no issue with the idea of her masturbating using it.

However, my problem is that given that it's so obviously had so much use, she obviously has been using it regularly for the past few years. All these years, she's sworn blind that she doesn't have a sex drive, has had no sexual "spark" for all this time. But she clearly has.

So I'm feeling more than a little crushed, a total fool for being strung along like this for the past few years. My issues are:
(a) She's lied about something pretty important in the relationship,
(b) I'll assume she's fantasising about someone else (after all, she could have "had" me if she wanted!, and
(c) I'm worried that, in the extreme, is there something more sinister afoot (i.e. did she have sex with someone else while using it? (a long time ago I discovered that she had had cybersex with someone while with me. Since that day, I've noticed circumstantial evidence that she's cheated on me, but I always chalked it up to irrational paranoia on my part )).

I intend to confront her, but I'm wondering if I'm jumping to conclusions before I go ahead and do this?

Thanks.

DangerMouse27

Hey Op,

When you say a breakthrough, do you mean the breakthrough was having sex or was it to do with her illness?

If you confront her, it will never be the same again, thats a point that should be made. It may irrevocably damage your relationship beyond repair.

You sais she had body issues, so why are you giving out that she has had no sexual spark? The issue with her is that she clearly has the spark inside her but jus has her depression to beat it out of her when ever she approaches you to have sex.

I'm sure you have masturbated frequently in that period too.
And its a hornets nest to bring up if she is fantasising about some one else.

I think your being very irrational. For all this time, you have been so considerate to factor in the illness but it feels to me that your patience is running low.

Confrontation will not end well, deep down you must know this?