Younger guy

mardim

So im 30 and the guy Ive just started seeing is 26, Is it ok for the girl to be older?
Is it too much of an age gap at this age? I know its only 4 years and would be fine if the guy was older, , Maybe Im being silly but I don't want to feel old!

carol clery

As long as you're happy who cares?

Catari Jaguar

That's barely an age gap.

IrishEyes19

I've never believed in people saying age is just a number. Age is a huge factor of course it is, however, there is a loophole on that saying. And that loophole is this "where is my partner at, in this stage of their own life"

That's what ensure the future of these type of relationships where a person is older or younger than their partner. For example are you looking to settle down, stay in on weekends just the two of you, or have couple weekends, or is he wanting to go out drinking, have the laugh, go out with the lads every weekend. All of which is fine by the way, but you need to see where do you fit into this. It doesnt sound like a lot now, but these issues can seriously effect relationships.

If the two of you are on the same page or near enough to it, it should work out. Age is a big deal, its stupid to think otherwise. But as its only 4 years and 26 is often age where you're getting your life together and formulating a plan, its very possible he is on the same page as you. But I really dont believe in this fairytale "age is just a number, mumbo jumbo."
Hope it works out for you. Just dont accept what you dont approve of. Its fine for him to want other things and fine for you to want that to. And he may not be at the stage you are at or vica versa. All Im saying is if it comes to a point where he's not ready to move on to a different stage, dont fall backwards.

But.....it sounds like its good so far, so dont stress about it yet. best of luck

Synyster Shadow

I'm almost 3 years older than my husband and to be honest it doesn't bother us or anyone else we know. I believe age is just a number. But if your all the time worrying about 'oh I'm older' then maybe it is something that bothers you?

Anyway woman been older can work just fine

judgefudge

I've never understood why it's ok for men to be older but not women. Bizarre. I'm older than my boyfriend but as long as you're the same kind of maturity level I don't think it's a problem. 4 years is nothing in the scheme of things Op, unless you're wanting to have kids and he doesn't or something. Then it can be an issue.

If you're happy and you want the same things from life who cares?

Legs.Eleven

You could hardly call that an age gap, OP.

LegacyUser

4 years is really not enough to be calling an age gap, unless one of you is 16 and the other 26 maybe. 4 years is a big difference in the teenage years, but i think in the 20s and beyond its barely even worth mentioning...

mardim

Thanks for the replies everyone, feeling less conscious about it.

Lux23

I'm three years older than my boyfriend and it's not really an issue for us. Rarely even think about it.

Typer Monkey

I'm five years older than my boyfriend and, apart from giving him something to slag me about, it makes no difference whatsoever!

Le Henry

what about 7 years older, the woman being older..is there anyway to reassure her that its not such an issue??

LegacyUser

Not even an issue OP

I'm a 32 woman, my fiance is a 24 man.

Emotional maturity is the most important thing, if both of you are on the same page...who cares?

The only time it may be an issue with an older woman is when the question of children comes up. All relationships are compromises. We know we can't wait another 10 years before we think about kids so our compromise is that we have them a little later than I'd like, a little sooner than he'd like, but we love each other and want to be together so a few years give and take each side is hardly a compromise at all.

It used to worry me that people would look at us and go "what's that gorgeous young guy doing with that aul wan" but as the years (3 at this stage) have gone on I realised no-one was thinking that at all.

All good relationships are a meeting of equals, sometimes age is a factor, sometimes it isn't. If it isn't for you two then go for it.

I was in a previous relationship with a 34 year old child. My fiance was more mature than him when I met him at 21.

czechlin

I don't think it's such a gap as long as you are on the same page in life.
Although I understand how you feel because lately I seem to attract guys 2-4 years younger than me and it quite puzzles me (I'm 25).

If you get on well and you like him than you just might give it a shot and don't worry about it

Calibos

czechlin wrote: »

I don't think it's such a gap as long as you are on the same page in life.
Although I understand how you feel because lately I seem to attract guys 2-4 years younger than me and it quite puzzles me (I'm 25).

If you get on well and you like him than you just might give it a shot and don't worry about it

I'm not trying to be funny but a 25 year old woman in her prime will attract guys 10 years younger than her, 10 years older than her, 50 years older than her etc etc

czechlin

Calibos wrote: »

I'm not trying to be funny but a 25 year old woman in her prime will attract guys 10 years younger than her, 10 years older than her, 50 years older than her etc etc

I get your point and it is quite funny

Skuxx

I'm 22, my girlfriend is 25, like you OP she was a bit concerned at first, however as was all ready said, once you both want the same thing from the relationship and are at the same point in your lives so one doesn't seem to be holding the other back you should be fine!!

The Corinthian

Age is just a number is only partially correct. At the end of the day, if you're compatible and happy together, then an age gap of four, ten or twenty years shouldn't make a difference.

But as I said, this is only partially correct, because where the woman is older there are two things that may be an issue, that you need to consider.

The first, as one has already been pointed out, is where both of you are in your lives. Are you ready to settle down and start a family? Is he? Fact is, that men tend to get the 'urge' to settle down a few years after women do, in large part because we don't have the same biological pressures.

As such, being with a man who's four years younger than you and who might want to settle down four years after you might, can pose an issue - would you be willing to wait until you're 38 to do so?

The second factor is more long term; men die younger. About five years before women. This isn't an issue now, but if you end up staying together for the rest of your lives, that could leave you on your own in your own last decade.

Of course, neither of these two are anything other than statistical observations. He may outlive you. He may already have wanted to settle down when he hit 22.

Ultimately, it comes down to the two people in question and (given you can't predict when he'll die) at least knowing whether you're both broadly reading off the same page where it comes to where you see the relationship going.

If so, then age is probably just a number.

McDonnellDean

My other half is 7 years my senior (I'm male btw). We are together almost 10 years and have a house and child together. I personally preferred older women through out my single years as I always felt I jived more with them on a maturity level. Ultimately it is nobody's business but yours, if it works for you both, have at it.

astonaidan

The thing that would stop me being with a girl older than me is settling down, Im 27 now and well dont plan on getting married and having kids till im in my mid 30s, which would make her close to 40s.
Also the fact that Im possibly the most immature 27 year old in the world could be another reason

padz

not sure if its been mentioned about the 'half your age+ 7' rule, so you could go to 22 and still be grand

John Mason

my husband is 5 years younger than me. it has never been an issue for us.

whitebriar

padz wrote: »

not sure if its been mentioned about the 'half your age+ 7' rule, so you could go to 22 and still be grand

That's not a rule.Its just something someone posted on the internet and grew legs such that people think it's a rule.Its nonsense
Everybody is different.
4 years is nothing,save for the Corinthians observations above.
I'll add 2 points though,at 22 and 26,this might not be the op's last relationships.You could easily be with someone else in 10 years time and then for life.
Secondly,very few people consider death,at the start of a settling down and having kids relationship.
Its the farthest thing on their minds.
No partners die together unless it's an accident,so one is always going to have to be on their own eventually,its a fact of life.

So op,go with the flow basically,if you both are happy,why worry about numbers?

padz

whitebriar wrote: »

That's not a rule.Its just something someone posted on the internet and grew legs such that people think it's a rule.Its nonsense

The "never date anyone under half your age plus seven" rule is a rule of thumb used by some to judge whether the age difference in an intimate relationship is socially acceptable. Often said to be a French maxim, it appeared in American newspapers in 1931, attributed to Maurice Chevalier,[11] and in the 1951 play The Moon Is Blue by F. Hugh Herbert,[12] and subsequently in the 1953 Otto Preminger film of the play.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships

whitebriar

padz wrote: »

The "never date anyone under half your age plus seven" rule is a rule of thumb used by some to judge whether the age difference in an intimate relationship is socially acceptable. Often said to be a French maxim, it appeared in American newspapers in 1931, attributed to Maurice Chevalier,[11] and in the 1951 play The Moon Is Blue by F. Hugh Herbert,[12] and subsequently in the 1953 Otto Preminger film of the play.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships

lol so it originated in a play,lol,how scientific.. or perhaps a french maxim or god knows ... Its actually not a rule,its an opinion.
It is rubbish,lately bandied about the internet a lot.
I think my point stands,and that's coming from a perspective where there was a 33 year age gap between one set of my grand parents and 14 with my parents.
Two people click,they go out,they evolve into rumbling in the hay,they get serious about each other,marry or move in and it may last if they are compatible.
A big age gap does limit compatibility, of course,but not always.On that basis,I'd always advise going with the two consenting adults with going with the flow.
All a bit immaterial to the OP as 4 yrs is nothing.
If the Open had came with evidence of a particular problem in the relationship (say one or other being immature), then that's a different question.

padz

whitebriar wrote: »

It is rubbish,lately bandied about the internet a lot.

ehh there was no internet in the 1930s, obviously its an opionion/maxim but these things carry on tru the decades for a reason, you wouldnt say 'thou shalt not kill' is rubbish bandied about on the internet, take a time out

whitebriar

padz wrote: »

ehh there was no internet in the 1930s, obviously its an opionion/maxim but these things carry on tru the decades for a reason, you wouldnt say 'thou shalt not kill' is rubbish bandied about on the internet, take a time out

Ah now,you're trying to compare thou shalt not kill with living your life by some 1930s play?
Yes that half plus 7 is bandied about on the internet a lot today,which is what I was saying.
Glad you gave us some source for it though..an aul play in the 1930s..so people can see its dubious origin.

My advice.If you like them,then take your chance,you might regret not doing it and not to rely on oh my god,he's 24 and I'M 41 or something.
One only lives once.

Taltos

padz, whitebriar - this is not a discussion forum. Please take your disagreement elsewhere. As you both should know off topic posts here do result in warnings / infractions / bans.

Taltos

LegacyUser

In regards to an older woman, younger man situation it depends on the maturity of both people. I know woman in there mid to late 30's who have no interest in having children and men aged 30 who want to meet a nice woman get married and have children.

I know men of 25 to 30 and they have more maturity than other men I know aged 40 plus.

In regards to relationships I think both people need to be honest in regards to what you want long term ie living together, marriage and children. If you have no interest in getting married or having children you need to be honest with your partner rather than staying in relationship with a person who is expecting children/marriage.