Don't think boyfriend is 'the one'

LegacyUser

I was quite a 'late bloomer' in terms of relationships. I'm in my mid 20s and have been in my first real relationship for the last 6 months. I used to long for this companionship but it's not as smooth sailing as I hoped. I really enjoy spending time with my BF and look forward to when we meet up. However, I've started to realise that I don't a long term future for us. I don't think he's 'the one' so to speak. We're just a bit too different and with different goals/attitudes to things. He was also a late 'bloomer' (late 20s) so maybe I should give this aspect more time but we started having sex about 6 weeks ago & it isn't great to be honest.
I keep thinking I should break up with him so as not to drag him along, but get such a knot in my stomach at the thought of it. He's mentioned us settling down together (he did so once about 2 months ago but I felt it was much too early to be thinking that way) so I don't think he feels as unsure as me. I also wonder should I just enjoy it in the short term, and maybe we'd grow closer together.
Has anyone advice for me? I hope I don't come across really selfish in my post! I'm just confused & its a hard topic of conversation to bring up

judgefudge

You don't come across selfish. To be honest, I would probably walk away while its still early days. If at 6 months in you are not head over heels I don't personally (just my opinion) believe you ever will be. Considering he seems to be more attached then you it will be easier on you and him if you break up sooner rather than later.

I get that it will be difficult and upsetting for you. I'm sure that you'll miss the companionship, having looked for a relationship for so long. But everyone coming out of a relationship has to deal with that little bit of loneliness for a while, it's never easy. Just because you waited til now to be in a relationship does not mean you have to settle for an unfulfilling one. Don't settle. It could take a few more years to meet someone who really blows your mind but wouldn't you rather wait for that than sit around for the next 50 years with someone you don't really love?

ted1

Have you told him the sex isn't great?

Poor chap probably thinks he Don Juan. Try guiding/ instructing him. Good sex can change relationships.

strobe

If the sex isn't great for you, then it's probably not particularly mind blowing for him either tbh. That tends to be the way of things. With you both being 'late bloomers' that's not altogether surprising as I presume neither of you are that experienced in that regard. But it's going to take one or the other of you to make the first move towards improving things. Why not you? Why not look at it as an opportunity for you both to improve things. Communicate with each other, tell and ask and show each other what you like and how you like it. Could be a LOT of fun improving things together, both as individuals and as a couple. And it is something you can improve, so of its the main issue and everything else is good, then give it a shot.

Hersheys

ted1 wrote: »

Have you told him the sex isn't great?

Poor chap probably thinks he Don Juan. Try guiding/ instructing him. Good sex can change relationships.

You can't have a relationship based on sex though.

OP you should talk to him about it. Tell him you don't feel 100% invested in the relationship but that you don't feel it's going anywhere.

ted1

But you can't have a good relationship if the sex is bad, this may be the problem. Or not