Feeling Alone..

MarkyMark22

Hey folks, I guess I need some advice or someone to talk to and let my feelings out.

I'm feeling pretty alone recently, not really physically, as there's people around, but mentally.

I'm a 23 year old guy and I feel like I don't really have anyone there for me or anyone who relates to/understands me. At the moment I don't really have any close friends or family. I have friends, but none close enough that I could turn to or open up to. Same with family, my parents are good to me but again I feel like I can't open up to them.

I guess my personality and interests kind of limit my friendships. I'm not close enough to anybody to be invited to events and I'm not confident enough to just go along or invite myself. My mind just tells me that if I'm not invited then no one really wants or needs me there.

I don't drink or smoke and I don't go to nightclubs very often. I'm also a vegetarian due to my love of animals.

In terms of relationships, I just got out of a 6 month relationship a couple of months ago as I thought it wasn't for me long-term and it would be wrong of me to continue a relationship that I/we weren't happy in.

I'm not the most attractive male ever, which contributes to my lack of confidence, as much as I try to stop it from doing so. Usually if a girl doesn't like me I immediately contribute it to my looks, even though that may not always be the case.

In the last couple of weeks this feeling of loneliness has intensified quite a bit and I could do with some help on how to try deal with it. I'm not sure if I'm depressed. I don't think I am. I'm a happy person by nature but usually a lot of things build up and then cultivates in something like this.

I would appreciate any advice on how I could deal with my feelings or how I could change my approach to situations or my outlook.

popa smurf

Hi mark, Its not all bad you are still only 23 which is a great age to be. are you working would you like to do some traveling and see a bit of the world, you could try and join a few clubs I think the No Name club is specially for non drinkers like yourself , don't get too hung up on your looks you are who you are now and there is not much you can do to change that but you can dress well and girls like lads that are well dressed and look smart work hard and reward yourself with a nice car that's also a help with the girls. chin up and start living.

LegacyUser

Reading your post reminds me a lot of myself. I'm 32 and have never had a girlfriend so at least you are doing better than me anyway. Like yourself I don't have any close friends but despite that I'm not miserable or sad most of the time. I sometimes worry that loneliness will sneak up on me over the next few years and hit me when I'm not expecting it.

But anyway, advise. I was very scrawny in my teenage years but for the last 5 years or so I've been lifting weights in a gym. I've bulked up a good bit. I'm not a body builder by any means but I'm in better shape than most of the guys my age in work. And that can be good for feeling good about yourself. It's not about being vain but if you feel bad about your appearence then you are entitled to do something to make you feel good about yourself.

I don't know your financial situation but travelling away alone has helped me feel I've achieved something. If you book a guided tour with a hiking company there is always going to be a group of people who could be single travellers as well. I've done this a few times and, granted, I haven't made any friends for life but I keep in touch with them every-so-often on facebook.

That's really all I have to contribute. Like I said, 32, never had a girlfriend and no close friends to go to the pub with so my advise mightn't be worth much. But going to the gym and travelling has helped me feel that I'm doing something right. Even if my soical life is non-existant. Anyway hope you feel better.

OkayWhatever

Hey,i'm 21 and I feel like I am in the exact same boat.

I travel a lot, have friends at home, at work but I still end up feeling so alone no matter what I do. I feel like I have absolutely nobody that I can turn to who would be bothered to listen to my problems.My friends are too busy partying and going out all the time,which isn't my cup of tea,and my boyfriend is as happy as Larry just sitting there and ignoring me crying and isn't too good with dealing with me not feeling good,which helps wonders with the aul feelings of lonliness.
So, just know that you're not the only person who feels alone even though you're surrounded by people.

I find talking to someone helps. If you feel like you can't talk to friends or family, then a counsellor is defo worth the money. Once you talk to someone and get your feelings out, you will feel SO much better, like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. I feel like talking makes you feel better and leaves you more open to making new friends, it makes you feel more confident in yourself if you're willing to completely get everything off your shoulders. It does take time to feel better and happier, but you will start to feel it happening if you let it happen.

I really hope you're okay, I understand exactly what you're going through

MarkyMark22

Hey guys, thanks for the replies.

I have travelled quite frequently around the world. Sometimes by myself as I often feel more comfortable in my own company. I did my leaving cert when I was only 16 and took a year or two to work and then travelled a bit. I'm now going back to University this year anti think that's kind of contributing to the feeling lf loneliness. Everyone around me is 17/18/19 and partying most days whilst that's not my cup of tea and I end up sitting in my room alone watching a movie or T.V.

I'm not suicidial or anything, although I often think how people would react if i did die. I'm proud of who I am. I'm kind, caring, intelligent. Sometimes I think maybe I am too nice towards others and that kind of pushes them away but when you're low on self-esteem and you desperately want someone to understand/relate to you, it's hard not to be too clingy. Through the years I've tried to hide my desperation as I know that's not an attractive feature.

As I've said, I'm proud of who I am. I guess sometimes I just wish other people were too. And showed it. It's nice to know someone believes in you. It reinforces your self-belief.

ongarboy

You just mentioned you are going back to University. I think this is a wonderful opportunity to reinvent yourself and change the structure of your life.

Are you in shared accommodation or still living at home? If at home, would you consider moving to a house share (if financially viable)? Perhaps you could seek out accommodation that specifies post grads/masters/mature students so that you'll have people more likely to be in your age bracket (the fact that you may be a college freshman should not matter as you are older). It's a great way of meeting other people and making new and often lifelong friends. (I can attest to that!).

There are so many clubs and societies on campus. I strongly recommend you participate in one or two of them that has something that interests you - not exclusively for making friends but just so that you are out of the house and distracting yourself from that dwelling on things that solitude brings (for better or for worse).

You come across as a healthy individual (non drinker/smoker) so why not maintain the momentum and participate in sports (team or companion sports are great social opportunities) or even just go running alone (great for producing endorphins - or happy pills as I call them ).

Also, I'm not sure if you are living in Dublin but there is meetup.com that organises countless gatherings for people with various interests or just social meet ups/dining etc. I'm not sure if other cities/towns also partake in this. It's a great way for people to start or expand a social circle. Good luck!

MarkyMark22

Yeah, I plan to join plenty of societies. I'm not a recluse or anything like that. I still talk to people and make friends. I guess I just feel like I haven't got one person in my life who I feel understands me or relates to me.

I don't really feel like there's anyone who makes an effort to spend time with me or wants me to go to events with them or anything. I probably sound like I feel sorry for myself. I don't want/expect people to bend over backwards for me or shower me with praise etc. I guess it would just be nice to feel wanted every once in a while.

I do jog for about a half hour five days a week. I agree that it makes you feel more positive. I usually jog in the morning time and by the time night comes around the positivity has worn off and I'm back to feel lonely or saddened.

LegacyUser

Dude, I can completely relate to you. I am 22 and while I have friends, I always feel I'm second priority to everybody else. They all have their friends and lives. They don't need me as much as I need them. I feel incredibly lonely. I also came out as gay and I've been finding that hard. I tried joining a social job on the internet but everybody has made their own friends and I am left out in the cold. Like yourself, I know people can smell desperation so I try to be friendly and not too pushy. But I feel because I'm shy and I'm not 'a character', people forget about me. Like I do talk and have interesting chats that people respond to positively. But I'm still ignored when the group organise drinks or stuff outside of the social group. I don't think it's intentional. I think just a clique formed with some people and I just was forgotten.

Where this stuff is concerned, it is just not fair sometimes. I think the only thing that has kept me going is trying to find a job and earn some money. I've thought about emigrating next year as I find people where I live terribly cliquey. Unless we're friends from childhood, there's no interest in reciprocating a friendship. I want to try though and sort out my health problems before that though. Also I want to try and get off my anti depressants.

I am hopeful life will get better. I just need to be more patient and let things happen. Also practice a few more hobbies and get out more.