Who should pay?

Quiet Girl

Hi everyone,

Been going out with this guy for a while now and at the start he was paying for stuff which I think is normal for the first one or two dates. But even now he still insists on paying for everything and its doing my head in, I feel bad even though I offer to pay and he still insists he pays!! Were planning a weekend away in November as our birthdays are quite close together so were just gonna go away, anyway he sent me a message saying he had booked flights an stuff, I said I would give him the money and he said no he has this!
So any advice like should I talk to him or just let him continue doing this?? iv never been in this position before as i like my relationships to be 50/50 so I just dont know what to do!

ElleEm

Personally, I wouldn't allow a guy to pay for me all the time. He is clearly just being nice but you don't want to appear to be using him or taking advantage of him. Tell him that it is a problem for you, and start splitting the bills or if he pays for one thing, you pay for the other (he paid for flights, you pay for the hotel, one of you gets cinema tickets, the other pays for munchies, etc.).

Chattastrophe!

Next time you see him, give him half the money for the flights etc. If he tries to refuse, just be firm and tell him you'd be happier to just pay your share.

If he pays for a meal or drinks etc when you're out, fine, but you insist on paying next time you're out.

It doesn't always have to be a precise 50/50 split, and it's lovely to treat each other, but it should go both ways.

Quiet Girl

I know it should go both ways and I really want it too, he just flat out refuses to take my money.
Ill just have to put my foot down this time! Thanks guys

freshpopcorn

He might just want to treat you and he might have being brought up to believe the guy always pays.
Next time ye go on a meal out you could say your going to the toilet and pay the bill.
Try and pay for half the flights/accommodation or say you'll pay for one of them!

judgefudge

If its something that bothers you just sit him down and tell him that it bothers you. He is probably just trying to be nice, and some girls would love it. Just let him know you don't like it.

I've been in that situation in the past and it gets infuriating after a while.

ManOfMystery

I've been the guy in this situation. When I started going out with my now-wife, I always insisted on paying for everything. It's nothing to do with being dominant, an alpha male or trying to buy her love .................... it was simply because I was brought up in a household where I was taught to hold a door open for woman, treat her with respect/manners and so on. And part of that meant that as a man, I would buy her dinner or whatever when we're out.

Now in this day and age where 'equality' is the buzz word, some people (feminists in particular) would almost be up in arms at the notion of chivalry. But I think it's important to stress that there was never anything other than good intentions behind it.

I found out further down the line how independent my wife was, and how me paying for everything was actually starting to annoy her. So I took her comments on board and whilst it felt weird to me, let her pull the credit card out every now and again without any arguing. And we eventually got into a comfortable routine where we both contribute equally. I think part of the problem also was that I had an ex who was more than happy to let me pay, so I had got into a habit of doing it every time.

You would need to sit down and have a nice civilised discussion with him about this. Stress that although you realise his intentions are good, it would actually improve your relationship if he let you pay any time you like. It puts you both on an equal footing and avoids any uncomfortable situations or someone feeling like they're not pitching in.

You could always play him at his own game too and book a weekend away or some activities, pre-pay it for him and tell him it's a treat from you. Whatever money you've saved so far from not having to pay can go towards it!

Good luck

Cupcake_Crisis

It just sounds like he's trying to treat you OP, and while I think it's very sweet, I can completely see why it would annoy you. If he refuses to take money for the holiday, treat him while you are over there, pay for a fancy meal and night out. Just be careful it doesn't turn into a row.

Sleepy

If he won't accept money, why not book some activities for the holiday and pay for them in advance? As the only one working I tend to pay for the vast majority of things in our house but on a recent weekend away my wife surprised me by having booked and paid for a falconry lesson for one of the afternoons we were there. Maybe try something similar (according to his interests)?