Is it ok for boyfriend to publically 'like' picture of semiclad woman on facebook

LegacyUser

Is it socially acceptable for anyone (in this case an early thirties girl) to post a (very posed photograph)where she is kneeling and suggestively pouting into the camera wearing nude coloured briefs and a very scant bikini top... while she is not entirely naked the photograph is very suggestive by any standard - prudish or sexually liberated alike.

I want to be clear that I am perfectly fine with these sorts of photos in other fora - but I don't think this appropriate for Facebook?

I may not be apparent but we are both in our thirties and I am very well ware that guys are very visual. I am actually rather relaxed about some things - for instance I have no problem with my boyfriend watching as much porn as he wants, and he can 'check out' to his hearts content as long as it's respectful in my presence and he doesn't look to cheat on me.

While I am fine with him privately admiring this photograph on Facebook, this Girl is a friend of his in real life and he is exposed to her photographs all the time - I really am bothered by the public "liking". It came up in my news-feed (presumably all his friends) on Facebook and it feels really disrespectful.

He is trying to convince me that I am overreacting. I would welcome your thoughts - maybe I have lost my perspective?

strobe

In my opinion you're over reacting a little but others will think you're not. Ultimately it doesn't really matter. If it makes you that uncomfortable just ask him (I said ask) not to do it anymore as it upsets you. Not liking certain photos on Facebook isn't gonna have any effect on him so he should be fine not doing it for you, as long as your not shouting the odds and barking orders, if he's a good guy.

jdsk2006

Bang out of order in my book. its totally disrespectful to you and he should have known MUCH better.
However its done now so try to talk sensible about it.

I totally get you tho.....he could have liked random photos to his hearts content but a friend is another issue

Randy Shafter

IMO I think you are over reacting a bit OP. Surely your other half can 'like' whatever he wants on Facebook. Just because he knows this woman doesn't necessarily mean he's going to do the dirt on you. If it comes up in your news feed I'm sure you can hide such posts.

Maybe you should sit down and explain your worries to him. Perhaps you two can sort it out that way.

judgefudge

I don't think you're over reacting. I see guys I know on Facebook liking pictures like that and I just wonder why they have to do it on Facebook. Why can't they look at the photo without clicking like, or whatever. It's just a bit unsavoury.

Is it the fact that he's liking these photos of a girl he knows that bothers you? Or is it that it's coming up on your newsfeed for all his mates to see?

Basically are you bothered because you're jealous? Or because you think it's disrespectful?

NicoleL88

You're not over-reacting. If it's something that bothers you, and if he knows it bothers you and continues to do so, then I think that's a problem. He should respect your feelings.

Have you asked him how he would feel if it were him in your shoes?

I think you're overreacting. If my girlfriend "likes" good looking guys on Facebook (especially if they're in the manner of photo that you're describing), then I wouldn't really care, heck I wouldn't really notice it either. There's absolutely nothing wrong with admiring others for their looks or for their photos, because I'm not insecure.

fallen01angel

Hi OP, in answer to your 1st question about whether or not it's socially acceptable for a girl to post 'suggestive' photos of herself on her Facebook page,short answer is yes, it's her page and totally up to her what she posts.....personally it wouldn't be my kind of thing at all, I always find it screams of insecurity or attention seeking as in 'look at me,aren't I hot,please like my pic to validate my existence!'.....but each to their own.
On the other question of your boyfriend 'liking' this photo, I have to admit I'd be peeved about it, but it would depend on a couple of things......are these the type of photos she normally posts and if they're not does he 'like' these other pics as well?

December2012

It's ok for her to post whatever she likes on her own page. So what if it stems from insecurity or confidence? It's her choice - personally I hope that she's doing it from a position of confidence. Don't we all only post pictures that are flattering?

I also think your boyfriend is entitled to admire the picture - it's his choice.

If you have no reason to mistrust his fidelity to you, then there is no problem with him admiring the picture.

Now, if it embarrasses you that there is a record of him admiring the contents of the picture because he has "Liked" it, you could talk to him about how you feel.

Do you feel embarrassed about the fact he likes a sexy picture?

Or that everybody knows he "Likes" the sexy picture.

Merkin

I thinking 'liking' it so publicly is gratuitous. If he gapes at it like any red blooded male then fine but acknowledging it is a bit disrespectful to you, I'd be saying it to him and tell you how it makes you feel.

wirelessdude01

Can't see what the issue is here really. You don't mind him watching porn yet have such an issue over a photo. One question for you, did he have something with/for this girl in the past? Another question, are you afraid that he might now?

LegacyUser

December2012 wrote: »

If you have no reason to mistrust his fidelity to you, then there is no problem with him admiring the picture.

We're not talking about him 'admiring' a nice picture of this girl on her holidays, or something mundane like that. From the OP's post, it appears to be a sexually suggestive picture, and I would really have to question what the motivation was for her BF to 'like' it. In a way, 'liking' it says more than leaving a comment necessarily does- he made a conscious decision, on a public forum, to indicate that he both saw and 'appreciated' this pic. He must have been aware that all of the couple's mutual friends could see this and also the the girl in the pic would be informed that he had 'liked' it. I would be seriously wondering what an attached guy was playing at if I put up a pic like that and he 'liked' it. I think it's totally inappropriate.

Is it a deal-breaker? I think not, but I don't think the OP is over-reacting . I'd be frustrated and annoyed if my BF did this to me- I would liken it to saying in front of our friends that a girl looked hot/sexy in front of me- not exactly break-up material, but not very respectful to the girlfriend either.

I don't think his likelihood of cheating is the issue here- it's his disregard for his gf's feelings that would bother me. Saying it's ''his choice'' is really a cop out- when you're in relationship sometimes your ''choices'' can have a negative impact on the other person's feelings and you should be aware of that.

Maybe just explain that it made you feel uncomfortable, OP and you'd prefer if he didn't publicly acknowledge his 'admiration' for sexually suggestive photos of other chicks. I don't think that's too much to ask.

LegacyUser

judgefudge wrote: »

I don't think you're over reacting. I see guys I know on Facebook liking pictures like that and I just wonder why they have to do it on Facebook. Why can't they look at the photo without clicking like, or whatever. It's just a bit unsavoury.

Is it the fact that he's liking these photos of a girl he knows that bothers you? Or is it that it's coming up on your newsfeed for all his mates to see?

Basically are you bothered because you're jealous? Or because you think it's disrespectful?

Thanks so much to each of you for your input - sometimes a third person perspective is very useful.

Maybe I am overreacting a little @judgefudge put it best - it really does just feel unsavoury to me! He can ogle whoever he wants privately... but his posting his admiration on facebook isn't something I am comfortable with and I need to discuss that with him.

In answer to some of your questions - I really don't think I am jealous - truth be told a regular girl without the benefit of air brushing and a team of professional stylists can't afford to get upset by the saturation coverage of pretty women all over the internet and other fora.



I am not actually jealous - if I was insecure because of the profileration of pictures of scantly clad women available I'd be unable to leave the house at this stage - I

If women want to post photos seductive on Facebook, then why shouldn't they? It's their right, is it not? Sure, you might not agree with it, but it's your issue and not theirs. I often see people posting photos like that and I think, wow, fair play to them for having the confidence to do so.

As for the issue of your boyfriend - you can't really tell him what to do with things like this. To me, if you were to even bring it up, it would give me the impression that you were keeping tabs on what I was doing.

ManOfMystery

I think it's slightly over-reacting tbh.

Can I ask you honestly - if his friend wasn't attractive, would you still be annoyed about it?

December2012

Needperspectiveimput wrote: »

In answer to some of your questions - I really don't think I am jealous - truth be told a regular girl without the benefit of air brushing and a team of professional stylists can't afford to get upset by the saturation coverage of pretty women all over the internet and other fora.



I am not actually jealous - if I was insecure because of the profileration of pictures of scantly clad women available I'd be unable to leave the house at this stage - I

It sounds as if you're jealous and insecure.

If you're not, then why do you feel so disrespected if you have no problem with him looking at porn, other women, etc?

Big Bag of Chips

I'd look at it slightly differently, OP. Obviously the girl thought she looked good in the picture. Most people only post pictures they think flatter them etc... So once a friend posts a picture it's a kind of invitation to answer the virtual question "how do I look?", and people sometimes feel an obligation to 'like' the picture, because they know that's what their friend is expecting.

If a friend walks into a pub in a new dress with a new hairstyle, people feel a certain pressure to say "Wow, you look great"... Whether they genuinely mean it or not!

I'm guessing she got tonnes of likes... Not necessarily because people liked it, but because it could almost be seen as a virtual "snub" if they didn't....

(Facebook and people's reactions to it can be crazy )

Do you know what I'm trying to say (very badly!)?

Maybe remind him that everything he likes appears on the news feed of everyone in his friends list... Including his mother/aunts/neighbours etc! It doesn't necessarily have to be just about this picture.

wallycharlo

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

...and people sometimes feel an obligation to 'like' the picture, because they know that's what their friend is expecting...

Very true. I've a FB friend myself who frequently puts up such pictures, I don't 'like' them myself, but many of our other mutual friends do, which is mainly done out of kindness to her as she would be genuinely upset if she didn't get a barrel full of likes.

LegacyUser

Again just wanted to say thanks to everyone for taking the time out to comment!

You have given me lots to think about!

Synyster Shadow

For me I just won't entertain facebook same as my husband. Too many tryin to stir trouble (this is the case where we are from, young girls don't have respect here at all)

We have a friend who just left her boyfriend as he used facebook to chat up women and she found out. It's so easy for men and women to like poke and message all they want. Most the time it's harmless but it has in some cases turned to something else. As far as pictures go its not the place for it. Why not have a model type group page that's kept separate to your personal page (just my thoughts) that way people join the group or not. And if he's just friends with her he won't be subjected to 'having to' like anything of the sort.

ManOfMystery

Synyster Shadow wrote: »

For me I just won't entertain facebook same as my husband. Too many tryin to stir trouble (this is the case where we are from, young girls don't have respect here at all)

We have a friend who just left her boyfriend as he used facebook to chat up women and she found out. It's so easy for men and women to like poke and message all they want. Most the time it's harmless but it has in some cases turned to something else. As far as pictures go its not the place for it. Why not have a model type group page that's kept separate to your personal page (just my thoughts) that way people join the group or not. And if he's just friends with her he won't be subjected to 'having to' like anything of the sort.

I see a lot of posts like this where Facebook gets blamed for all kinds of things. In fairness, Facebook isn't the source of the problem - it's the people cheating who cause it.

If they weren't on Facebook, they'd find an outlet somewhere else - POF, Badoo, whatever. And if they didn't weren't on that, it would be somewhere else yet again. Technology and socialising move along and cheaters move along with it.

Synyster Shadow

I don't doubt that at all I'm just sayin that here where I am it's used for all reasons including small minded people talkin crap to start trouble and bullying etc. I'm just sayin it's a way some people go about certain things.

Here where I am someone was killed in car crash and it was all over facebook before his family were notified. And of course it was all linked with his family. I just find there ain't a limit with it but each to there own there my experiences everyone has there own

I'm not posting to start a debate just an opinion of sorts for OP

Angeles

I second the over-reacting bit.

Essentially he 'liked' a picture that one of his "Friends" posted? but because of the pose presentation his "Friend" was in, it becomes a problem?
I wonder op.. if he clicked 'like' on one of his male friends posing butt naked in a dance pose, would it bother you as much? just some perspective.

ShaShaBear

I would have to say I don't think you are over-reacting at all OP.

Essentially your boyfriend is acknowledging that he has seen these half naked pictures of his friend, that he approves of them, and that he doesn't mind his family, friends, and your friends knowing that he saw it and approved of it. Given the style of the picture, he is essentially telling this girl, and anyone else he is friends with on Facebook, that he finds her attractive, or is turned on by the suggestive pose.

The difference between porn and a real person you know, is the real person you know. I've had the exact same argument used against me with an ex I caught masturbating over photos of his ex on Facebook - photos he had been "liking" and I was forced to see on my newsfeed regularly. He seemed to think it was no different than the porn I had no problem with, even after I pointed out that it was publicly suggesting he still "liked" his ex. And now he was after getting caught physically demonstrating that he did, in fact, still like her.

I would be very much aware that if she is his friend in real life, he has now seen her in varying states of being clothed (or not as the case may be).

Maybe remind him that his parents/siblings/relatives also see a picture of this half naked woman and get a nice little notice on their newsfeed that their son/brother/cousin/nephew likes the look of her. A lot of men don't think of that

wirelessdude01

Hoe many times do we see women 'liking' photos of the chipendales or other such groups. You don't see men coming on here with insecurity issues. Seriously OP we son't know your relationship and the dynamics of it. If your not comfortable with it then have a chat with him and if you don't get the outcome that YOU want then end it and find some other person/man that can meet your requirements. Simple really.

LegacyUser

I wonder if I can ask a moderator to close this thread please?

As the original poster I no longer wish you to keep it open. I very much appreciate all of you taking the time out to comment on it - it has been very helpful.

A check on perspective is always a good thing but maybe this or a similar thread ought to be started in a more general discussion forum as the differing points of view are interesting.