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still lingering

  • 08-09-2013 10:04pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi a long term boards user but going unreg for this..

    I really dont know where to begin, but I think its best to give you a brief history of the situation.. I was in a relationship for a few years which ended 4 years ago.. it ended pretty bad and the relationship was one of the most horrendous times in my life, this relationship was fraught with domestic violence, both physical and mental/emotionl abuse. it took a long time for me to admit the truth and act accordingly. which I did... I left the relationship and never looked back. I will also mention that the past four years have been intense for a number of reasons... a lot of counselling and reflection on a very deep and personal level.

    Now the situation is not directly related to my abusive ex partner, but he is very much part of it. Heres my story, A couple of years ago I had a very brief encounter with another guy who just so happens to be associated with my ex ( they grew up together) I always felt attracted to him even when I was in a relationship, but obviously never acted on it as I was too wraped up in the dysfuction of my relationship. He ( the brief encounter) would often come to the house to see my ex and we would be chatting and that, the usual nothing major... even when my relationship was at it worse I could be myself around this guy and we would have a lot in common and at the time I often asked myself "what if" but never acted on it...then as I mentioned, we did hook up brieftly ( initiated by me), after a short time it had to stop as this guy couldnt go through with it for various reasons that I dont know, but I guessed he couldnt for his friend ( my ex) and I respected this even if it did hurt like hell. It hurt so much that he just ceased contact and that was it I never saw him again, my heart sank but I just threw myself into my course and continued on a journey of self development and focused on building myself back up again, which I have done. my dilema is I cant seem to forget him or truly move on, Ive recently started to date again after 2 or more years single ( by choice) and hes still lingering around in my head and my heart I feel a deep loss that we arent together that this has effected me in being able to move forward. I have strong feelings for a guy for years now and have tried so hard to forget about him but he is still lingering around, not only in my thoughts but my dreams too...
    basically im looking for any insight into what can help me to move forward with my life, as Im in my 30's and want to settle down, start a family etc...

    I know that my feelings for him are so strong that it could hamper me from moving forward in my life..


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi Sunflower27 OP here :)

    Thank you for your reply, you are totally spot on with your response. 100% if I am to be completely honest. To answer your questions,

    would you really let someone that you wanted to be with get away?
    This is what has got me through was having to accept that if he really wanted me and a future together, he would be here with me right now, the bottom line is yes he made his choice. I have accepted this even though my feelings for him are so strong. Ive continued to move forward in my life with the knowing that we arent ment to be.

    he knew how you felt about him, didn't he?
    Well Sunflower27 to be honest I never told him in person how I really felt, which is something that I regret. We did speak but not indept regarding our feelings, things were a bit messy back then it was a few years ago, if I am to be honest I really was not in the best place within myself. I did send him a text about a year or more ago to see how he was doing and if we would ever see each other again, his was response was no and that I should move on and he was sorry. I replied and thanked him for his honesty and I moved on with my life. I never got in touch with him again, as I respected his decision. So now its time to cut the cord, so to speak and continue as I am,

    Thanks again Sunflower27 Your reply got me to smile and reflect on how well I have done.

    Take care xxx


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