Jesse's Girl

LegacyUser

Well, long time user but deciding to go unreg as this is a fairly sensitive issue, for the purposes of this post I will refer to myself as rick. Basically I've been best friends with a lad, Lets call him 'Jessie' for the purposes of this conversation, for the past few years, one of my closest friends, through jessie i became good friends with his girlfriend. About a year ago i went through a fairly messy breakup and jessies girl was really there for me during that time, we got much closer over this and in the last few months, well put simply I've fallen for her, and from what shes said to me the feeling is mutual, We've come close to kissing and stuff on so many occaisions and i feel like a total dick about it and refuse to do anything with her due to loyalty. Its not something i could ever do getting in the middle of his relationship like that. Last few weeks however jessie has confided with me several times how he feels like ending it and ive kept that under my hat as i was told in confidence, few nights ago however we were out drinking and jessie cheated on his girl, this has left me in a fairly bad situation, Im caught between tellin her, jessie seeing this as a betrayal, and losing one of my best friends, or hiding it from her, her finding out that i hid it from her and losing her trust, ive never been this conflicted before in my life and i cant get it outta my head, any advice would be fairly helpful, writing this mainly to get it off my chest, thanks a bunch anyway, Jesse's Best Friend.

Merkin

As it stands, there are two people in the relationship so whatever happens has got nothing to do with you. Telling Jesse's girlfriend that he cheated on her (for your own gains) would be a pretty low thing to do. If it is to end then let it happen organically. In actual fact, if she's so besotted with you the why on earth can't she dump Jesse herself rather than wait around like some damsel in distress waiting to be dumped? Either way it's a messy situation and stay well out of it until they decide to terminate it.

TommiesTank

Jesse or Jessie? Or are they 2 separate people? All very confusing.

Idle Passerby

Speak to Jesse. Tell him you are not willing to keep his secret as his girlfriend is a friend of yours too and you don't feel right condoning his actions. Remind him he was having doubts before this happened and maybe its time for him to address those doubts with her.

heretochat

Never a good idea to get involved in the middle of someone else's relationship. And you have a vested interest here too, i.e. taking his girlfriend at the very first opportunity..

LegacyUser

Idle Passerby wrote: »

Speak to Jesse. Tell him you are not willing to keep his secret as his girlfriend is a friend of yours too and you don't feel right condoning his actions. Remind him he was having doubts before this happened and maybe its time for him to address those doubts with her.

I completely agree with this approach. You should talk to Jesse, not his girlfriend (unless this approach fails). You need to tell him that what he did was not on and if he cares about his girlfriend at all he will either tell her or break up with her. I know a lot of people here will think that it would be better if he just broke up with her rather than telling her first, but I know if it were me I'd sure want to know!

Regardless, just talk to him about it and tell him that he needs to take responsibility for what he has done. If he is unwilling to listen then at that point I would suggest threatening to tell his girlfriend. Hopefully it won't even come to that, but if that doesn't work then you'll have to decide whether or not to actually tell her yourself. It's a decision you have to make and you know a lot more about her than us, but as I've said, if I were her I'd want to know.

kjl

As someone who has been in exactly the same situation I think should give you some advice on this.

She obviously still has feelings for Jesse and is not 100% committed to the idea of being with you, if she wanted to be with you she would break it off with Jesse. If you tell her about him cheating, she may kiss you out of spite but building a relationship with her based on this is not going to work out in the long run.

The only way things are going to work out between the two of you is if they break up and even then you might need to wait some time before things could work.

Do a search on here for "2 year affair" and you can see my story. I really thought myself and the girl had something special, but it turned very sour very quickly. I realised that I was being used by the girl. I was her crutch in an abusive relationship. I know you didn't mention anything about Jesse abusing his girlfriend, but it's possible that you are having an emotional affair with Jesse's girlfriend because he is not giving her what she needs emotionally.

If I was you, I would contact Jesse and tell him that you do not approve of his behaviour. Tell him you are not going to say anything to her, but you don't think you can hang around with him if he is going to act like this.

I would suggest you distance yourself from the GF too, I would tell her that you need space because it's not fair for you to have feelings for someone who is in a relationship. Tell her you want to make a clean break and then cut contact for a while. You can reply to a text, but don't make plans to meet her and don't contact her. If she missed you and her relationship is going sour she may go to you when it all breaks down.

Don't do what I did and start an affair, it always ends badly with all parties getting hurt.

fungun

you have to talk to Jessie, say you know he is thinking of breaking up with her and now he has cheated.....say that since you are kinda friends with his gf you are finding it difficult to keep up appearances.

And dont start up with her for a while, even though you want to. If you do, itll ruin your long term chances of this ending well

Xidu

I don't think OP should say anything to Jesse simply becoz of the fact that there's Sth between op n jesse' girlfriend. It seems like none of you is innocent. what's between Jesse n his girl is their own business. They could break up sooner or later, they could go back again. Put yourself in Jesse' situation, if you find out later that op had a thing w his girl, yet op acted like a saint to disagree his cheating...I think op should keep a distance w both Jesse n his girl for a while.

Nichololas

This will almost (almost) definitely not end well, you should put her out of your mind.

I guess there's a really slim chance that Jesse will be cool with you going out with his ex (he probably won't) or that he won't be pissed at you for flirting with his girlfriend behind his back (he probably will) or that he won't be really ****ing pissed that you told his girlfriend about his indiscretions and they split up (he definitely will - HOWEVER WARRANTED IT IS, etc). What's most likely is that you will lose a friend and start a new relationship on a sour note that will kill it in short time, OR you will have a girlfriend that will flirt with your friends behind your back.

But you never know, maybe Jesse has just been waiting for you to ask his blessing to take his girlfriend out and she's *THE ONE* and you can all go for drinks and laugh about this whole situation and ho it will be merry. But for seriously this will probably not happen.