None of my business?

LegacyUser

I know this couple through a mutual friend. This mutual friend has been questioning his sexuality for a number of years. He has been friends with the male half of the couple since school. This couple have been together for a few years and got engaged at Christmas. A couple of days later he text my friend to say that he loved him more than his fiancée. My friend was unsure how to respond so he just ignored the text. However, it spurred him to break up with his own long term girlfriend and come out as gay. He told me that he was certain that the text was meant sexually based upon information which he didn't want to elaborate on. He said that he would speak to his friend and encourage him to talk to his fiancée as he was certain that she would have absolutely no idea. Apparently none of their mutual friends have a clue which is why he couldn't confide in one of them.

Unfortunately, my friend decided that he wasn't the best person to help his friend as he had his own issues to deal with and was worried that he would only bring his own baggage to the situation. He also felt strongly that it wasn't up to him to involve anyone else. He won't discuss it any further. I didn't think it was really any of my business other than to support my friend. However, two weeks ago I heard that he had been at this man's stag. I feel really awful! I know it's not my business but isn't it wrong to keep this quiet and let her marry him without full knowledge? My friend is even in the wedding party!

Merkin

It's none of your business, keep out of it.

Idle Passerby

Theres not much you could really say. How would you approach this woman you only know through mutual friends and say you think her fiance might be gay based on a text you never even read? It's a difficult one. Id feel bad too but I'm not sure you're in a position to do anything.

heretochat

Merkin wrote: »

It's none of your business, keep out of it.

Sums up my position really,

LegacyUser

Merkin wrote: »

It's none of your business, keep out of it.

Hi OP here, thanks for your reply. This was my original thought too and why I haven't said anything but my conscience has been really troubling me since I heard about the stag. Because I hadn't been able to ask anyone else's opinion, as I didn't want to break my friend's confidence, I started to wonder if my original position was a cop out. I guess I just wanted to hear that it's not my responsibility and that I don't need to feel guilty for knowing and not saying anything. Thanks again.

LegacyUser

Idle Passerby wrote: »

Theres not much you could really say. How would you approach this woman you only know through mutual friends and say you think her fiance might be gay based on a text you never even read? It's a difficult one. Id feel bad too but I'm not sure you're in a position to do anything.

Thanks for your reply. I saw the text and from the wording, even without the background context provided by my friend, it seemed pretty clear that it wasn't a platonic message. I couldn't imagine approaching her, I was thinking of perhaps talking to him or another mutual friend who is very close to him, although this would involve breaking my friend's confidence and also feels a bit like meddling to me. To be honest I'd rather stay out of it and, as this is also the advice I'm getting here, that's what I'll do. Have just been feeling guilty lately for taking this attitude. She's a lovely girl and I don't think anyone deserves to marry someone who within a few days of proposing is telling another person that they love them more. Thanks again.

miamee

It is a horrible feeling to know something like that about someone else's life that they don't know about themselves. However, you only know from hearsay that this guy is gay and hiding it from his fiancée. He might be bi-sexual and have already told her for all you know. This man hasn't confided in you and your mutual friend has not divulged how he 'knows' so I would take everything with a pinch of salt and stay out of it, it is none of your business.