Depressed over lack of sex life.

LegacyUser

I'm 23 and haven't had sex with a girl in over 2 years and it's really getting me down. I feel like this should be a time in my life when such a basic need should come a lot easier to me. I know there are plenty of people who take no interest in one night stands or f*ck buddies, but I feel like the vast majority of single guys my age get sex on a far more regular basis than myself. I can't get past the feeling that i'm missing out. I know a lot of guys can just go out to a club and end up with a girl in their bed. No idea what their secret is, I wouldn't exactly say i'm ugly! Probably comes across that i'm obsessed with "getting the ride" but at this age, not having it in such a long time doesn't seem right to me. I'm not sure what advice i'm looking for, just anything that can help the depressive feelings of a sexless life I suppose.

Caonima

Sexless2013 wrote: »

I'm 23 and haven't had sex with a girl in over 2 years and it's really getting me down. I feel like this should be a time in my life when such a basic need should come a lot easier to me. I know there are plenty of people who take no interest in one night stands or f*ck buddies, but I feel like the vast majority of single guys my age get sex on a far more regular basis than myself. I can't get past the feeling that i'm missing out. I know a lot of guys can just go out to a club and end up with a girl in their bed. No idea what their secret is, I wouldn't exactly say i'm ugly! Probably comes across that i'm obsessed with "getting the ride" but at this age, not having it in such a long time doesn't seem right to me. I'm not sure what advice i'm looking for, just anything that can help the depressive feelings of a sexless life I suppose.

Hmmmmmmmmmm... well, if a shag is what you're looking for, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, then get a hooker or an escort. That'll tie you over in the short-term.

In my opinion, most guys who go out and pull on a regular basis go out in groups, for fun, support, and if necessary a wingman or two. I guess my first question is, who do you go out with on nights out?

Suppose you should also look at the standards of the women you set for yourself... do you set your targets high or low... looking for a 8 or a 9, or do you care if you bring home a 3 or 4?

Where do you go out? Avoid places like Coppers (if you live in Dublin) as the atmosphere can be off-putting. Find a place that you like and have a good vibe about; if you're happy in your surroundings, it'll help your confidence.

Next, confidence... do you have it? If not, how do you compensate?

Got any female (or male) friends who can introduce you to some girls? Any old flames on Facebook? Tried online dating?

I mean, this could go on for ages here, but I'm just trying to sound you out, see what you're like... how you go about getting laid generally?

From my experience, people probably aren't having sex as much as you might think they are. Have you tried online dating?

heretochat

As one of the other posters said, you seem to be under an impression that everyone other than youself is "at it".. I would suggest that is not even remotely the case.. They may say they are but what is the old adage about "He who talks about getting it so much...."

From my own personal viewpoint, I'm not into one nighters or casual sex (just a personal thing and not saying those that are are evil or anything) and only sleep with someone when I know her and am in a relationship with her..

So I can go for long periods when I am single without sex.. Hey that's my choice really..

Anyway enough about me, all I can suggest is not to beat yourself up about it.. And don't be putting yourself under pressure to sleep with every girl you meet either..

LegacyUser

Caonima wrote: »

Hmmmmmmmmmm... well, if a shag is what you're looking for, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, then get a hooker or an escort. That'll tie you over in the short-term.

In my opinion, most guys who go out and pull on a regular basis go out in groups, for fun, support, and if necessary a wingman or two. I guess my first question is, who do you go out with on nights out?

Suppose you should also look at the standards of the women you set for yourself... do you set your targets high or low... looking for a 8 or a 9, or do you care if you bring home a 3 or 4?

Where do you go out? Avoid places like Coppers (if you live in Dublin) as the atmosphere can be off-putting. Find a place that you like and have a good vibe about; if you're happy in your surroundings, it'll help your confidence.

Next, confidence... do you have it? If not, how do you compensate?

Got any female (or male) friends who can introduce you to some girls? Any old flames on Facebook? Tried online dating?

I mean, this could go on for ages here, but I'm just trying to sound you out, see what you're like... how you go about getting laid generally?

It's coppers I go to all the time. I go there because any time I happen to be on a night out in town that's where the vast majority of people go, including my mates. Secondly it also has a reputation for being an easier than average place to take someone home for a night or whatever.

Being honest I don't have much confidence. I try compensate by dressing pretty well but I suppose girls rarely approach so that's not gonna do me many favours. I went through a bad dose of social anxiety and am still going through it, I only get the balls to talk to a girl when I've a good few jars on me.

My social circle is completely void of any women and I've gave online dating a go, but the rules of approaching women in the real world don't seem to apply there. Striking up a conversation with a simple hello never seems to get a response, probably because they receive hundreds of messages per day. Trying to say something unique tends to work about 50/50, but I've found most girls online that I've talked to are timewasters who will talk and talk but never actually meet up.

Someone suggested going out solo to me, but when confidence is so low i'm not sure if that would be a great idea.

Defiler Of The Coffin

Coppers can be a bit frenzied at times. Would you consider drinking less, going out to the smoking area and chatting to any girl you like at all? The All-Ireland is coming up so I'm sure you'll be able to think of an opener! Don't worry about scoring immediately, just try and work on your confidence and if things are going well don't be afraid to ask for a number, most of the time you will get it, if not then it isn't the end of the world.

It's all about trying to get out of your comfort zone, do that and things will be a lot easier for you!

Taltos

Caonima - please read our charter before you post here again. Suggesting to the OP to solicit which is illegal in Ireland is a serious breach of our charter.
GonzalezT1000 - welcome to PI/RI - similarly read our charter before you post here again. PUA techniques is clearly called out as not allowed.

Anything similar from either of you like this again will result in a ban. PI/RI is strictly moderated but as you are new here we are instead of issuing a warning/infraction/ban requesting you both to familiarise yourselves with our charter as soon as you can.

Offending posts on PUA have been removed, including all replies that quoted it.

Taltos