Help..... How do I deal with this....?

Alannah Gallagher

I dumped my boyfriend because he was trying too hard to push me into having sex. We are both 14 and I plan to stay a virgin for a few more years.

Now he's spreading the lie that he dumped me for being a "cr*p fu*k" and everyone believes him and they all think I'm a bit slutty.

January

Moved from Teens & Pre-teens to Relationship Issues.

Tigger99

I know it feels crappy but try and rise above it. Your friends will know that you aren't lying.

In fact I'd bet people think he's a bit of a creep for even saying that and the only people slagging you are just insecure themselves.

By the way when you are of age, and are ready, it's not slutty to sleep with someone, just crappy to suggest that.

Mind yourself. This probably feels like the most awful thing ever but it will pass and people will be talking about someone else next week.

December2012

Oh god what a creep!

People won't believe him, honestly they won't. Even if they act as if they are - they won't actually believe him.

Just try and let it slide.

Remember that if you were to tell your friends the truth (that you broke up with him because he was pressuring you into having sex) he will look a lot worse than you.

freshpopcorn

In general people don't listen to this stuff because they know he is only trying to sound cool.
If I am being honest you know the truth as does your friends so that's all that counts.
People will be talking about something else in a couple of days!

clare82

hi op,
just to say i completely agree with tigger99 above.
yes it seems like the end of the world now but guys like him will be talking about someone else next week. and you can be sure all your friends think he's a dope too and all the other girls are probably thinking he's a slease. he probably thinks he's the big man going around saying crap like that now but the thing is all lads his age go around talking out their a$$ about girls they've been with and how far they got with a girl that they hardly believe each other anyway...like that character Jay from the inbetweeners :rolleyes:
look out for the nice guys who never talk about girls...they are the ones to go for.

Alannah Gallagher

Tigger99 I wasn't suggesting sex is slutty when adults do it.

LegacyUser

Allanah Gallagher you should be very proud of yourself for having the self respect to say no and not give in to pressure.

Mayboy

Well done for being so clear on what you wanted and taking action that suited you. LOADS of people would have given into pressure. Don't ever, in your precious life, give into any pressure like this. Stay true to yourself and you'll rise above all this crap. Well done - you have maturity way above the average 14 year old.. When you are ready I hope you find the right time & the right person to have sex with. We're in an age where sex is a commodity - it's not.

Czarcasm

OP people believe what they WANT to believe. People who know you better however, will know what a sad little shìte your ex is, and they won't entertain his nonsense.

Your best bet is just not entertain it yourself, you were secure and confident enough in yourself not to bow to peer pressure once, the rumors and the speculation will have died down by next weekend when they all find someone else to gossip about and this guy will have shown himself up for the immature imbecile he still is.

Nobody will remember you turned him down, but guaranteed every girl will remember the rumors he tried to spread afterwards.

JustAThought

Stay strong. Rise above it & be calm & dignified. Your relationships shouldn't be the talking point of all & sundry - nor should they feel they have the right to know, comment or ask you about it. Be calm & if anyone comments ir demands to say make a clear closed statement & end the " discussion".
...( like) - i find your remarks/ comment totally inappropriate /and rude : intrusive. I did not and am not interested in ever sleeping with that person.
I am not discussing this further.
This subject of conversation is closed .

& walk away , or out your head into a text even if you have to send it to yourself . Don't let them draw you in if you would /did/or when /who etc. can you imagine if you had and he then was so immature that he went around boasting & blathering about it & discussing it with his mates.
Orif you did, & were unlucky enough to get pregnant with his child & have to deal with all that & a Moran like that as well in the mix for the rest of your life tagging on & hanging around demanding access & rights.

You are dead right - once you start you can never go back. Wait & for the right time & guy - that's a good way ahead - & not with morons or muppets who behave like this, & treat it & girls with this level of disrespect & immaturity.

Good for you . Hold your head high - the scum will settle.

ShaShaBear

Look on the bright side. Him spreading rumours - true or not - about your personal sex life is going to put other girls waaaay off him.

I had something very similar happen me at 18 - a lad I had went on a date with asked me to go steady, and I politely turned him down. I only had one long term boyfriend before that (and lost my virginity to him) and people knew I was very shy when it came to men.

He told everyone that I was easy and he had no problems "throwing it into" me. His male friends all laughed, but it circulated to my advantage in that people were like "That doesn't sound like her... she'd never do that... sure her mother makes her come home at 9 still..."

Eventually he couldn't even talk to a girl out because they were all afraid he'd tell everyone about it the next day!


Be brave, strong - it will all blow over. You are clearly a bright and mature young lady and in this day and age you should be very proud of yourself!
Think of the bullet you just dodged!

heretochat

I just wonder what the Guards would do if they knew this lad was going around mouthing off about having sex with an underage girl...

Ignore him OP, no-one will believe him and he will be the one who looks like a fool.

Keep your own self-dignity and remember as one poster said "You dodged a bullet" with this guy..