The Ex's Blog

LegacyUser

Hey,

so long story short I had a very bitter and horrible break-up with a guy who treated me quite badly near the end of the relationship.. I'm sure there are two sides to every story and I don't want to demonise him, even in an anonymous situations. This

I recently have been feeling 'very over' him in a lot of ways. One of the things that helped me through this situation and with other (larger) life stressors, was concoction of (prescribed) medication to help me through the rough patch.

Anyway, I was curious about his life and stumbled upon (read as that, I wasn't actively looking) his blog. When i found it I decided I'd go for a bit of a goo just to see where he was at in life. I found out that he's leaving the country soon and that he has looking at my FB page (though I blocked him) which has made him confusingly angry...? Nothing else was said apart from that and he was definitely referring to my page (rather than another ex's).

After that he went on to continue about how he's having trouble getting girls off sexually these days and wonder if, like his ex, they were on medication..? I was a bit annoyed about that as it is a personal thing and although I wasn't named, it's clear who he is and his friends who follow his blog might be able to read between the lines.

He also wrote up meeting a mutual friend of ours on a night out and feeling as though he couldn't express himself properly in fear that it'd get back to me or something.

I realise that people deserve their privacy and I won't be looking to follow his (rather boring) life blog. I just feel that he's let himself down a bit through this.. He's 25 and should know better than talking the particulars of a relationship up on the internet.

What do you guys think?

ConfusedGurl

Idle Passerby

Hi OP,
I dont really have any advice to offer per say but had to mention that Im a bit shocked at your ex writing all this private (and a bit vindictive sounding) stuff in the public domain. I presume its a public blog if you were able to stumble upon it accidentally. As you say "people deserve their privacy". He's not being very discreet though. Id almost wonder if he wrote all of that stuff in some sort of hope you would find it. He was obviously miffed you'd blocked him on facebook.

On the plus side, if his entire blog is just him whinging about his personal ins and outs I doubt many people are on the edge of their seat waiting to read his latest bitter musings.

DangerMouse27

Hey ConfusedGurl,

I think the one thing you have to remind yourself of, is that he is your past. He has let himself down, but by the tone of your email, it seemed he has done that before on many occasions..

"horrible break-up with a guy who treated me quite badly near the end of the relationship"

Put it like this, your in a good place right now. Its not you thats writing poorly written blogs, its him.

Do you still have feelings for him?

Kevhog1988

he shouldnt of put that stuff in a blog tbh. I made the same mistake by tweeting something after a row with my ex.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the messages, I'll reply to each of them individually for clarity:

@Idle Passerby: Yeah, I suppose I felt bad by invading his privacy when in fairness I was annoyed by the fact that MY privacy had been let down.. It's not a nice feeling, I guess.. particularly when I feel badly about being on medication in the first place. Though it helps me and I love how it's helped me grow as a person, I also feel like a bit of a defeatist being on it.. He knew I had blocked him on FB and it was one of the conditions on breaking up.. I like fresh slates and I binned everything about him and 'deleted' him from my life which had the desired results. Thanks for the comment and yes.. at 25 you'd think he'd have more pressing things to discuss on a blog!

@DangerMouse 27: Totally agree with everything you've said.. I guess I kind of cringed when I found it because it's just so utterly childish. I can understand why teenagers build blogs in order to have a place to vent their frustrations.. but at 25 I thought he'd come up with more healthy ways to deal with his insecurities (i.e. talking to friends, counselling etc.). Regarding the feelings.. The feelings I have for him are mostly embarrassment (for me clinging on to him for so long when it was clear it was heading for a compete break-up), curiosity (in wondering how he is doing and the rest), resentment (I want to see him 'do' badly, but I realise that this is a ridiculous stance and don't read too much into it).. but all and all I feel completely let down by him time and again.. Yes, I sometimes have a twinge of missing him, but it's a few and far between situation.. It's been over a year since we've talked but he really did well in messing with my head

@theemigrant: Good on you for spotting what you did wrong and trying to learn from your mistakes.. The problem is is that this particular chap has written things up about me on his blog before which led to problems in our relationship. What's upsetting me is the fact that he's continuing to do this even though I'm not longer in his life.. Guess I have to question why I care..

Thanks a million, guys

heretochat

I will keep this very brief as I think you answered it all in the very end of your last post..

"guess I have to question why I care".. I think this is the crux of it all.. Take all the content and background noise away for a moment..

What he has done may be childish, inconsiderate, nasty (depending on your viewpoint) but the relationship is done and you have "deleted" him from your life..

So back to the question at hand - why do you care what he does?

LegacyUser

heretochat wrote: »

I will keep this very brief as I think you answered it all in the very end of your last post..

"guess I have to question why I care".. I think this is the crux of it all.. Take all the content and background noise away for a moment..

What he has done may be childish, inconsiderate, nasty (depending on your viewpoint) but the relationship is done and you have "deleted" him from your life..

So back to the question at hand - why do you care what he does?

I guess, to be bluntly honest, I care in the following ways:

Finding his blog has reminded me that he is alive and is moving on with things and I guess that this annoys me. I don't know why and I realise that this is a nonsensical emotion, but it's there so I have to just put up with it.

The other thing that bothers me, which I have written about above, is that he is continuing to be a bit nasty although the relationship is over. This has really bothered me.. I don't like how he's using my mental health issues as a blueprint for his future romances.. I dunno, maybe I'm not making sense here?

I care because I want him to miss me and I want to feel vindicated through that.. If he made contact with me in the morning I would reply but I would NEVER take him back.. It was much too nasty and bitter of a relationship (near the end, and even at time during). I have to pull up my socks on this one.

Maybe it's something I should discuss with my counsellor.

desbrook

OP - if you block someone on FB it works both ways i.e . there is no way he could read your stuff logged in as himself . This leads me to believe he is reading your stuff through a "mutual friend" - beware !

Anyway you really need to get over him and he you . My post can only be for your benefit though as this is your thread . I'm sorry but you need to stop reading this stuff and move on .

Catari Jaguar

All his blog gives away is that he's rubbish in bed and a blabber mouth. Ignore it. He's not worth it. Delete any mutual friends that you suspect might have let him peek.

December2012

anon2929230 wrote: »

Maybe it's something I should discuss with my counsellor.

I think that you should do this.

And bear in mind that his blog is his thoughts. He is never going to have the same perspective or introspection as you.

LegacyUser

@desbrook - I understand what you mean by the FB blocking; I asked a friend of mine who works for an IT company and she told me that he could still access it via Google if he logged off first or if he went on someone else PC. I have removed the feature where I am accessible through Google (should have done it years ago) and hope that helps. Thanks for the head's up! I've stopped reading it, and I honestly think I just needed someone to say that.. It's a tad ridiculous, maybe just a bad patch in the process of healing and getting over him.

@Catari Jaguar - Ha ha! EXACTLY! It's a bit embarrassing for all involved, really. I just don't get it.. I know that's rich coming from me (a gal looking for advice via a forum), but to be blatantly putting your **** up on a blog is a bit tacky or something..? Each to their own. Might go through some mutual friends of ours and figure it out, but since he's blocked I kinda forget who's mutual and who's not.. I might just bring it up to the closest mutual friends we have and mention how I've blocked him and that I'd be happy if they kept any details of my life from him.. Is that fair enough? I don't want to put people in an awkward position..?

@December 2012 - I had counselling today but it wasn't brought up as I had other, more pressing issues.. Just goes to show how I'm just not bothered as much by this whole thing as I once was. My counsellor did mention, however, that I have been through some crazy stuff in the last 10 years and brought up the break-up briefly.. I had a chance to dig into that area then, but decided against it as I feel that this issue is more or less cleared up now.

I guess I have to learn a bit of self-control and resist the temptation of getting drawn into obsessing about things he says. I would have in the past, hugely, particularly when we had just broken up and I was very vulnerable and a bit on edge about things.. I dunno, I'm fine I guess, but I just wish he'd disappear.. Him moving away is great; no awkwardly bumping into him in town (which I've managed to randomly avoid since day 1!! crazy, as I bump into EVERYONE all the flipping time! lol)

Thanks a million!

LegacyUser

Hi OP, i just thought i should point out that he may not be accessing your profile through a mutual friend. it is possible that he set up a second facebook profile, all he would need is a second email address to do it.... :L

It wouldn't really bother me - to me it's a given that someone will bad-mouth their ex following a breakup. Sure, it's not nice, but it's natural and most people do do it. Stating it on a blog is really no different than doing it at the pub, only you're able to read it too. Just take solace from the fact that you're not with him any more, stop reading his blog, and move on with your life.

Big Bag of Chips

Catari Jaguar wrote: »

All his blog gives away is that he's rubbish in bed.....

To be honest THIS is the only thing I took from it too! He can't satisfy *any* girl in bed, but they must all be on medication, because it can't possibly have anything to do with him!

Forget him, OP, I doubt he has too many followers reading his blog, if it's as tedious as that.

Some people really do think their lives are super interesting to everyone around them (you only need to skim through Facebook to see!) when the reality is we're all too busy getting on with our own lives to be bothered with everyone else's!

Time to go back to 'deleting' him from your life.