Found out bf has cheated.

LegacyUser

So I just found my boyfriend of two years has been cheating on me in probably the oddest way possible I can't even believe this but I checked his past locations on his google account and found many nights where he would go to another estate at night and stay until morning...I can't believe im even writing this as I have had doubts in the past and he would say im paranoid..
I feel numb to be honest he's my best friend and to be honest my only friend and I loved him ive never felt so close to anyone before and the sad thing is I still want to be with him I just dont understand how he could do this and act as though nothing has happened.

Valentina

I'm sorry but you need something more concrete than Google to know your boyfriend is cheating. My account is showing me that I've spent time in places I've never been to so it's highly possible what you're seeing is just an error depending on where his phone is picking up a signal/wifi or whatever.

You say you've had doubts in the past so have you anything else to go on?

Caonima

Can't believe you're checking up on him...

Give him a chance to have his say, at least

wirelessdude01

Only thing I would say is that google can be wrong but on the flipside what gave you cause to have doubts in the past?

Esoteric_

Do you have any reasons to doubt him? Has he cheated on you before?

Without knowing the backround, it comes across like you're being extremely insecure and paranoid. Why would you even check him on Google of all places? Is it because you didn't find anything on his email/Facebook, or did you stumble upon it by accident?

Google has been known to be wrong about location, by the way.

On the nights he's supposedly been in this estate, has he been in contact with you as much as he normally would be?

heretochat

Fairly odd way to come t a conclusion that someone has been cheating alright...

You say you have had doubts in the past but you don't specify what these were..

And did you find out this thing through google after checking all other modes of communication and finding them "clean" (e-mail, phone etc.)

I don't know the full story behind your doubts but it all sounds a bit flimsy to me.. Are you looking for something that isn't there because of your own doubts about the relationship?

ShaShaBear

According to Google, I'm living out a happy and fulfilling relationship in the heart of good old County Armagh.

I am, in fact, in Monaghan.

I think another poster is right, you seem to WANT to find out he is cheating.

Google seems to think I'm in Austria sometimes. Then somewhere else in the country. To me, it's slightly worrying that you're even looking at these things - if he hasn't given you any indication that he might be cheating, then you come off as extremely paranoid and insecure, something that I would advise speaking to someone about.

Mr. Incognito

Wow

Your proof consists of unacceptable stalking on an inaccurate medium and conjecture and unfounded accusations

Take a step back

Lux23

Is the estate near his house? Chances are it's his home!

WesternZulu

My google account has Norway as a place that I've recently been...I've never been to Norway.

Merkin

Have you actually discussed this with him?

LegacyUser

I've asked and he denies it and id probably foget about it but on the nights he was supposedly in this place he stopped texted me abrubtly which isnt really like him. Just because the google location is wrong sometimes doesnt mean it always it to be honest. He's definitely given me doubts before and has flirted with many girls during our relationship but please continue to jump down my throat

ABajaninCork

llol wrote: »

So I just found my boyfriend of two years has been cheating on me in probably the oddest way possible I can't even believe this but I checked his past locations on his google account and found many nights where he would go to another estate at night and stay until morning...I can't believe im even writing this as I have had doubts in the past and he would say im paranoid..
I feel numb to be honest he's my best friend and to be honest my only friend and I loved him ive never felt so close to anyone before and the sad thing is I still want to be with him I just dont understand how he could do this and act as though nothing has happened.

Not only do I find it worrying that you've relied on Google as 'proof' he's cheating, but it's even more worrying that you seem to think your BF's your only friend...

You sound quite young. Is this your first serious relationship? It's not healthy for you or your BF to make him the sole focus in your life. What happened to your friends when you got with him? You need to expand your social circle OP, and find other interests. If you've dropped your mates in favour of your BF, this is not good news. Life's too short to spend it checking up on someone who may or may not be cheating. In fact, he probably isn't.

Sit down with him and have a mature discussion. And allow the poor sap some privacy and stop checking up on him!

John Mason

sometimes when i post Facebook status it tells me my location in Westminister London, whhen i am sitting in Dublin 11.

This has cause numerous FB's outrages from my brother who lives in London.

Neyite

llol wrote: »

I've asked and he denies it and id probably foget about it but on the nights he was supposedly in this place he stopped texted me abrubtly which isnt really like him. Just because the google location is wrong sometimes doesnt mean it always it to be honest. He's definitely given me doubts before and has flirted with many girls during our relationship but please continue to jump down my throat

Essentially its like this: you have no proof of him cheating, but feel that he has. You clearly don't trust him, but not only that, you don't want to trust him. Normally people who are suspicious and someone offers them a logical explanation they grab it with both hands. Not you though.

So what do you want to do? Either way, the relationship is over in my opinion. If you believe he is cheating, dump him. Find someone you can trust, if you can. If you accuse him, he is not going to admit it - especially since there is a strong chance you are very wrong, but even if you were right, cheaters rarely admit it unless you have absolute proof. And if you base your proof on the kind of examples you have given here its very flimsy evidence and you will not come across well at all.

LegacyUser

The relationship is over now and im realising I probably do have some sort of disorder and need help so thanks for the advice wasn't really expecting so many people to come to his defense because I thought in my head my reasoning was logical but obviously not.Its not just me who has issues though as the relationship was entirely confined to his apartment because he didn't want people to know about me but its all irrelevent now anyway.

ABajaninCork

The relationship's over now? How come?? Did you come to this conclusion yourself, or did you discuss it with your (ex) BF???

I don't think you've a disorder as such. You have trust issues and need some perspective on how to handle them. Perhaps some counselling?

LegacyUser

He said to f off and never contact him again because of this and he wants nothing to do with me and im on my own and I can't blame him because im paranoid nearly all the time when im with him and I analyze everything.

Stavro Mueller

llol wrote: »

The relationship is over now and I'm realizing I probably do have some sort of disorder and need help so thanks for the advice wasn't really expecting so many people to come to his defense because I thought in my head my reasoning was logical but obviously not. Its not just me who has issues though as the relationship was entirely confined to his apartment because he didn't want people to know about me but its all irrelevant now anyway.

Hmm. You've not given us an awful lot to go on here but the text I've bolded here puts another perspective on things. Why did he not want people to know about you? What was he hiding?

Given this new information, I'm not surprised you've been feeling so insecure. You are better off out of a relationship like this one.

Have you ever been in other relationships? Are you normally as paranoid as this? Or did the relationship being carried out in secret in his apartment wreck your head?

Neyite

llol wrote: »

He said to f off and never contact him again because of this and he wants nothing to do with me and im on my own and I can't blame him because im paranoid nearly all the time when im with him and I analyze everything.

I'm sorry that you are hurting.
Right now, I do think that you need to focus on you. This has highlighted that your own feelings create a miserable situation for you and its actually preventing you from enjoying a relationship and sabotaging them.

By the way, I dont think this guy was right for you, but why not see someone to talk and work on being that happy confident person that is there somewhere inside for when the right guy does come along.

maria34

OP i would feel exacly the same! So u dont have a disorder, he was hiding u for some reason.
He is the one who had a problem.

LegacyUser

cymbaline wrote: »

Hmm. You've not given us an awful lot to go on here but the text I've bolded here puts another perspective on things. Why did he not want people to know about you? What was he hiding?

Given this new information, I'm not surprised you've been feeling so insecure. You are better off out of a relationship like this one.

Have you ever been in other relationships? Are you normally as paranoid as this? Or did the relationship being carried out in secret in his apartment wreck your head?

I know im not just feel a bit all over the place at the moment. We would both would be fairly awkward and i was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder a good few years ago but that has subsided, Im still awkward around people though and he is too or at least thats what he says. Its hard to know when Ive never been outside his apartment much with him.. but he has told me he hates that the relationship is this way.

He always promised he would get another job somewhere else and things would be different then but he has told me recently that it probably wont happen because he was lucky to get the job he has now and to be honest i cant imagine him actively looking for a job just so we could have a normal relationship because im always the one going to see him and he just has to sit in his apartment and wait for me to drive or get the train to see him. I dont really think he has been hiding anything he just would find it awkward to introduce me to his work colleagues or maybe theres more to it im not sure.

maria34

So he is saying he has some disorder? Or what is his problem? He manages to work tho. So he gets out of the house and meets ppl.

Stavro Mueller

llol wrote: »

I've asked and he denies it and id probably foget about it but on the nights he was supposedly in this place he stopped texted me abrubtly which isnt really like him. Just because the google location is wrong sometimes doesnt mean it always it to be honest. He's definitely given me doubts before and has flirted with many girls during our relationship but please continue to jump down my throat

Erm.....if you say the relationship was conducted entirely from his apartment how do you know he was flirting with many girls? Were you monitoring his phone/Facebook before this?

Never mind. It looks like it was quite a messed up relationship that did you no good. Judging by what you've written, you've not got any other friends other than this guy. It's utterly unhealthy to be so dependent on one person for your friendships. Especially when you were pretty sure he was cheating on you.

My advice to you would be to try and get your life back on track. Go talk to your GP and get yourself to a counselor to talk this through. Your first priority should be to expand your social circle and to get comfortable with meeting people. What went on between you and your boyfriend sounds dysfunctional and didn't make either of you happy. You owe it to yourself to get yourself back into a more stable state of mind and to cope better with everyday life. Good luck!

LegacyUser

cymbaline wrote: »

Erm.....if you say the relationship was conducted entirely from his apartment how do you know he was flirting with many girls? Were you monitoring his phone/Facebook before this?

Never mind. It looks like it was quite a messed up relationship that did you no good. Judging by what you've written, you've not got any other friends other than this guy. It's utterly unhealthy to be so dependent on one person for your friendships. Especially when you were pretty sure he was cheating on you.

My advice to you would be to try and get your life back on track. Go talk to your GP and get yourself to a counselor to talk this through. Your first priority should be to expand your social circle and to get comfortable with meeting people. What went on between you and your boyfriend sounds dysfunctional and didn't make either of you happy. You owe it to yourself to get yourself back into a more stable state of mind and to cope better with everyday life. Good luck!

It was on another forum on his profile messages so anyone could see basically. thanks i guess

Mr. Incognito

What ages are you both?

jimmycrackcorm

maria34 wrote: »

OP i would feel exacly the same! So u dont have a disorder, he was hiding u for some reason.
He is the one who had a problem.

I think that is bad advise for the op. Clearly she realised she went off on a tangent going on the google thing. Its not unimaginable also that, like the supposed cheating based on google, that the op is also making an assumption about hiding revolving around the apartment? He could simply be tight with his money and not taking her out.

Caonima

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

What ages are you both?

Possibly the OP is in minus numbers

banquo

People, the OP is obviously distressed and we shouldn't be jumping down her throat.

The OP sensed something was up for a while, and may have come across some evidence that, though in line with cheating behaviour, is certainly nothing concrete.

OP, have you any more detail on what you found?

Caonima

Caonima wrote: »

Possibly the OP is in minus numbers

Please keep posts helpful to OP and read the forum charter before posting again

Thanks

banquo

banquo wrote: »

People, the OP is obviously distressed and we shouldn't be jumping down her throat.

The OP sensed something was up for a while, and may have come across some evidence that, though in line with cheating behaviour, is certainly nothing concrete.

OP, have you any more detail on what you found?

It is hard to tell.. the OP said they were diagnosed with some disorder - so perhaps her "sensing" it could be part of that. What help were you receiving, OP? Any medication? This sort of paranoia is going to affect your life massively and any future relationships, if you don't do something about it now. Get help, possible medication, and move passed it.

Stavro Mueller

OP. Have you any family you can turn to this weekend? You said in your original post that your boyfriend was probably your only friend. So I guess you're probably feeling pretty isolated and low now.