Relationship issues.

Arrowsgoloar64

Hi,

Just wondering from a woman's perspective and male's too, i have been in a long term relationship and cracks are finally starting to appear fast, we both have bad habits and are stuck in dead end jobs and a pretty miserable. We both see love/romance as two different things, I example like to curl up on the sofa and watch a good film or go out to dinner or maybe a nice stroll somewhere with the dog, he likes to just go to the cinema once every so often or play with his boys toys (which I have no interest in) and then have sex. A lot of our problems revolve around sex because I feel as if there is no romance and therefore I don't not want to have sex at the end of the night after endless hours of not spend any couple time together.

Im at the end of my tether trying to find ways to fix the problems we are having but i just don't know what to do, we have compromised in many different way but nothing is working. And I just don't know what to do.

Are all relationships heavily sex based? I love this guy but sex is becoming a wee bit of a chore and I know its not supposed to feel like that, its supposed to be something special between two people who love each other dearly.

Can anyone help me or give me some advice or insight. Thanks.

ShaShaBear

Arrowsgoloar64 wrote: »

Hi,

Just wondering from a woman's perspective and male's too, i have been in a long term relationship and cracks are finally starting to appear fast, we both have bad habits and are stuck in dead end jobs and a pretty miserable. We both see love/romance as two different things, I example like to curl up on the sofa and watch a good film or go out to dinner or maybe a nice stroll somewhere with the dog, he likes to just go to the cinema once every so often or play with his boys toys (which I have no interest in) and then have sex. A lot of our problems revolve around sex because I feel as if there is no romance and therefore I don't not want to have sex at the end of the night after endless hours of not spend any couple time together.

Im at the end of my tether trying to find ways to fix the problems we are having but i just don't know what to do, we have compromised in many different way but nothing is working. And I just don't know what to do.

Are all relationships heavily sex based? I love this guy but sex is becoming a wee bit of a chore and I know its not supposed to feel like that, its supposed to be something special between two people who love each other dearly.

Can anyone help me or give me some advice or insight. Thanks.

Relationships are by no means heavily sex based in my opinion, but sexual satisfaction does play a huge part. Do you enjoy the sex?

Arrowsgoloar64

Oh yes of course, the statisfaction does play a huge part, and I used to love it but right now it has become a chore for me due to the lack of affection and romance in our relationship, also combined with the constant UTI infections I have been getting of late and my own relationship with sex (from previous relationships).

CaraMay

He isn't a woman so doesn't think like one. Chances are he thinks the sex will make him feel closer to you.

wirelessdude01

Has he actually changed at all during your relationship or it is just that he hasn't changed as you would like him to?

Elmer Blooker

You said sex is becoming a bit of a chore, does he know that?
Men, these days think women enjoy sex the same way they do as many women like to portray themselves as a Samantha from Sex and the City.
I think this item is quite accurate.

“When you get married you never have sex again. It’s true! It’s one of the secrets that no body tells you.” Sally from When Harry met Sally.

Get a group of women together who start to talk about their relationships and their sex life, and I guarantee you’ll get a ‘Sex and the City’ style of conversation.

Women always talk and act like they like sex and want a lot of it.

A woman will say “I’m not that keen on him going down on me” and other women in a ten-mile radius will see this as the perfect opportunity to one-up her and proclaim to the entire world how much they love sex and how much they just can’t get enough of him “going down on me”.

However when it comes to long-term relationships, mysteriously, the sex part disappears, even though the claim that they love it remains. It must be enormously confusing for their partners is they hear their women during this conversation.

You will often hear women say “I need a lot of sex”, however when it comes to their day, sex is very low on the list and occurs more as a job they have to do for their mate.

Now there is no doubt that a lot of this has to do with their partners not being that great in bed. I can understand people not wanting to have sex if it means they have to put out and get so little back . However, as we have seen before on this blog, I do think there is a requirement on the part of a woman to be responsible for making it happen if it isn’t. Seduce the guy a little more and get him to do what you like if bed is not that hot.

Still, however, it is a mystery as to why women will still say they love sex and can’t get enough of it if it isn’t happening and if they don’t actually like what they do get

heretochat

It sounds to me like this relationship is heading straight for the rocky reef.

It sounds like it has become a chore for the two of you to be together.

While sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship (while being an important part), when one partner starts seeing it as a chore this can be the downfall. It'll be only a while before your OH sees that you feel that way and that is when the arguments will start.

You need to talk this out with him before things go that far.

Have you actually tried talking to him about it?

LegacyUser

Arrowsgoloar64 wrote: »

also combined with the constant UTI infections I have been getting of late and my own relationship with sex (from previous relationships).

this really does have a bearing on the sitution i would think.If you have had bad instances with sex in previous relationships you need to try and come to terms with that and realise that your current partner is not any of those guys /people.and shouldnt be judged ,compared or anyting to this.

Most guys just dont know what romance is ...wtf is romance ..... If sex is like a chore I bet he is feeling that to and that will have a knock on effect to his confidence ...most men need to feel like the are desirable and the best way ot do that is be over affactionate ,adventurous,mischievous be spontaneous be mad for him but mostly do this for you and get out of the routine and rut you are in