Lack of acquaintances getting me down

LegacyUser

I'm 24 and have only got 3 people I could call close friends, which i'm perfectly fine with. But it's the lack of acquaintances I have that is getting me down. Being a single guy, and having all three of my friends in relationships, it's hard dealing with the levels of loneliness I experience during the week and even at weekends. Just more people to socialize with now and then is exactly what I need but I've no idea how this can be achieved. I'm trying to overcome the depressive feelings assosciated with unemployment and also the facebook culture of everyone always seemingly having something to do, and as sad as this sounds getting loads of "likes" on their posts as this is a clear evidence of many acquaintances. It's a horrible thought but if I died tomorrow I think I'd have a near empty church for my funeral. What's the big secret that i'm missing to having more people even recognize my existence, and maybe go out drinking with or playing sports with once a week?

miamee

OP, first of all, get off Facebook. Most people are on Facebook when they have nothing better to do, just like you. That's right, they have nothing better to do. They might be on FB telling everyone what a "mad night out" they are having; in reality if it was mad craic, they wouldn't be bothered with getting out the phone at all. All of that stuff is fake and not to be believed.

If you are unemployed, can you apply for a course or upskilling of some sort where you will meet others in the same position?

Are there any local football or other sports teams that you could join?

You are not going to make any new acquaintances sitting on the sofa in front of the tv or laptop so the first move is to get out regularly to things that other people in a similar position are at. Job clubs, local library, check for local groups on meetup.com, sports clubs/teams, volunteer for something - charity shop, festivals, check volunteer.ie for other options in your area.

Also make the most of the friends you already have, I know it's hard being the only single one in your group (I am too) but they are still your friends and want to see you and hear from you, they just also have to divide their time with their partner.

ABajaninCork

OP - have you tried Meetup? Loads of different groups, and you can pick and choose a good one based on your interests.

If you live in Cork, then there's a Meetup group which is run by Boardsies!

czechlin

I totally agree with miamee - get off facebook and the sofa!

I'm pretty sure there'd plenty of people missing you if you disappeared - it really is a horrible thought so enough of that!
Being only 1 one year older than you and single I understand how you feel. I was in a similar situation 2-3 years ago. I did pretty much what miamee is suggesting. I had to push myself a bit to get out of my comfort zone but am really glad I did. I started trying all sorts of different classes and going to various events (free concerts etc., not everything requires loads of cash . I felt bit awkward at first but it helped me to get more comfortable around strangers and in the end I really enjoyed doing things for myself, even gained a bit more confidence. When you do something you enjoy you're more likely to meet people, who have similar interests.
e.g. A friend of mine was missing buddies for hiking so she just posted an add online and got a group of random people to meet in a pub first to see if they'll get on and a week later they went on a first walk around Howth. I think they try to do this at least once a month now. Other did something similar but with a football. He meets up with the lads every Friday now to kick the ball for couple hours.
So just get out, be relaxed, friendly and open minded. Try to have initiative sometimes and things will happen

Santa Cruz

There are plenty of activities out there to try and use as a means of getting to know people, political parties, choirs, sports, charities etc.
First step. Check out options by searching through computer for local activities.
Second step. Turn off computer

moochers

I was on FB myself for a few years and it pissed me off so much I deleted my account.

'It's two am and I eating crisps, how naughty of me' and such like. Seriously there was only so much I could take.

Anyhow, the above posts are totally right. FB shows only one dimension of peoples life. Its not reality for them most of the time, they do not have 800 friends, have great nights outs and have fabulous lives. They are totally normal people like you and I with real problems. That's why I love Boards because its keeping it real. (Cliched, I know but true).

Unemployment can be soul destroying. The boredom and lack of routine can affect your self confidence. Join some groups, join a sports club. Volunteering is great too and you can meet lots of new people, plus it can lead to job opportunities.

IrishEyes19

OP, if facebook was to disallow people putting up their true birthday date. Im willing to bet a person with 600 friends would have at most 10 likes on their wall, and those ten would consist of 3 close friends, mother and father, 2 siblings, aunt and uncle and loving granny. you get my drift here. Its all fake! We all do it.

you dont need to compare yourself or indeed torture yourself with these fake lives. thats all they actually are. Instead as others have said, join online groups that actually meet up in real life, and dont be so judgemental of yourself having only a few close friends. thats actually normal. I will also point out for your own self worth, that many people would turn up for you, but I think you have decided for yourself that you arent worth turning up for. you need to disable to this idea now!

dory

Agree with all of the above. I've moved to many new places over the past 5 years and I know it can be very hard. You have to be ridiculously pro-active. I made new friends in my new place but then they all emigrated and I'm back to square one. So I'm all over meetup, classes, etc. I have the opposite problem to you in that I'm working too much, and most evenings so it's hard to meet people. Don't make the mistake of presuming everything takes lots of muhlah. Many free things to do as has been mentioned.

LegacyUser

You all make it sound so simple! The problem is I've been stuck in the house for 4 months (leaving maybe once or twice a week for a night out with the few friends I have). I'm at home bored and depressed but yet the thought of actually leaving, having to interact and find something to do strikes fear into me. I've always been slightly shy and now after my prolonged period of having the square root of f*ck all interaction with anyone on a daily basis I feel even more shy and less willing to step out of my comfort zone. I don't even no any clubs I'd be interested in. I'm getting angry at myself whilst typing this because I hate my situation yet i'm not able to work up the courage/motivation to change.