Can someone lose interest that quickly

LegacyUser

Hi guys, just looking for a bit of advice. Please dont too hard on me. I know its not as terrible as other posts are. But Id really appreciate some friendly advice.

Just got out of a bad relationship in the last year or so. I wouldnt say Im fully over it, but Im getting there. I feel ready to get back out there and meet new people now. My last relationship was awful, emotionally abusive and the person didnt treat me right and it took me a long time to leave, which I regret not doing earlier and being smarter about that.

But fast forward ahead Ive started a new career, new city, everything is going great. And I took a long break from dating, I just needed that space to clear my head for a while.
then this weekend I met someone out. Nice guy, nice personality, enjoyed the evening. at the end of it, he added me on fb. couldnt give a phone number due to having broken the whole device the evening before.

I wonder now did I make the mistake of messaging him first the next day but I did and he responded yesterday. it was all good though. chatting, talking about the previous night and he asked had I now gotten a new phone which I had that day and he asked for my number twice actually. I was chuffed and I gave it to him. then right after that. no replies, no nothing. he's been online since today and gone off.

I know its only been a day but it doesnt seem like he is interested and I guess Im disappointed. I wish he hadnt asked for my number or whatever and at the same time Im disappointed in myself for even caring so much. Maybe Im still not ready for anything, as I feel this shouldnt be upsetting me. I think the truth is Im so unsure of myself right now. any advice would be great. thanks

heretochat

It has only been a day - you are getting way to stressed out about this. I hope he hasn't picked up on the vibes I am getting from readng your post as you are unlikely to hear from him again if he has.

To be blunt, you met this guy on a night out, you gave him your number, up to him whether he wants to use the number or not.. If he doesn't well move on..

But as I said it is only one day since you heard from him and you have only met him once.. It's hardly the end of the world..

LegacyUser

heretochat wrote: »

It has only been a day - you are getting way to stressed out about this. I hope he hasn't picked up on the vibes I am getting from readng your post as you are unlikely to hear from him again if he has.

To be blunt, you met this guy on a night out, you gave him your number, up to him whether he wants to use the number or not.. If he doesn't well move on..

But as I said it is only one day since you heard from him and you have only met him once.. It's hardly the end of the world..

thanks very much for the advice. No I really agree. I think the last year has taken its toll on me. Im just very unsure of myself at the moment and of others. I know it sounds stupid but I never know whether to believe what people say to me anymore when I meet someone I like. Im taking it all on board though. so thanks very much

heretochat

Just don't let the fact that you are unsure of yourself translate itself into neediness on your part..

There are any amount of lads out there that will take advantage of that...

hello1986

If he asked for your phone number, he is interested

He most likely, does not want to come across too eager

beks101

Hey OP,

Sorry to hear about your previous relationship, that doesn't sound like a lot of fun and no doubt it has taken its toll.

The thing about dating is, it's supposed to be fun and exciting, but really taken with a pinch of salt in terms of the people you meet along the way.
Because you'll meet all sorts - flaky guys, full-on guys who disappear after the second date, guys you have chemistry with who are out for one thing, cocky guys who will attempt to play you like a violin, nice guys who you don't really fancy beyond friendship.

Many of these guys will come across as fantastic, fanciable, hot, amazing guys on your first meeting and you'll be excited to see them again. But if you don't, it doesn't mean you aren't fanciable yourself, or you're inadequate or unworthy or any of a number of negative things you can feel about yourself. If you don't, it simply means they weren't for you, and you're probably being spared the head fcuk of getting attached to someone who isn't right for you.

It sounds to me like you're dragging a whole load of baggage from your previous abusive, dysfunctional relationship, and all the low self-esteem and self-worth issues that provoked in you, into your new dating life. You're trying to validate yourself on this guy's response to you - this guy whom you met once, for a few hours, and basically don't really know at all.

A normal response to meeting a guy who you fancy, giving him your number and not hearing from him, would be disappointment, feeling a bit let down. NOT feeling panicky, depressed, anxious that after a relatively short time period, you haven't heard from him and feeling like your happiness is in his hands. That's an overreaction, symbolic of your shaky self esteem, and will send a guy running 20 miles in the opposite direction.

I'm saying all of this because what you're doing is not uncommon in the slightest, and it's a pattern that could continue with the next guy and the next guy and the next guy if you don't deal with it now. To be ready to date again, you need to be ready to meet a whole bunch of people who you like and who you don't like and be OK with things not working out. You need to be OK with acknowledging the treatment that you deserve from a man and walking away when you don't get it (i.e giving someone your number and not hearing from them. Not acceptable. Move on) And most of all, you need to be OK with YOURSELF and not constantly seeking validation from the guys you meet.

If all of those ducks are in line, the next time you meet someone and he doesn't call, you'll be thinking "wow. What an idiot. I'm awesome. Next!"

Time out

Not to be flippant but in guy talk "two days is industry standard" ie wait at least two days before contacting a girl even after meeting.

I think it's a bit soon to be worried and if he hasn't contacted by Friday then maybe he s not interested. Rightly or wrongly some blokes do not in any way. Be seen as desperate as apparently it's a turn off for girls! All very complicated !

Hope it works out.

LegacyUser

Time out wrote: »

Not to be flippant but in guy talk "two days is industry standard" ie wait at least two days before contacting a girl even after meeting.

I think it's a bit soon to be worried and if he hasn't contacted by Friday then maybe he s not interested. Rightly or wrongly some blokes do not in any way. Be seen as desperate as apparently it's a turn off for girls! All very complicated !

Hope it works out.

thanks "time out" I know Im definatley over-reacting. I think what bothered me was when he asked my number on facebook, I gave it and he just didnt reply after that again. I definately am taking too much too heart. thanks for the advice.

Time out

Time out wrote: »

Not to be flippant but in guy talk "two days is industry standard" ie wait at least two days before contacting a girl even after meeting.

I think it's a bit soon to be worried and if he hasn't contacted by Friday then maybe he s not interested. Rightly or wrongly some blokes do not in any way. Be seen as desperate as apparently it's a turn off for girls! All very complicated !

Hope it works out.

I hate people that say this, because I don't know any guys that actually do it.

OP, cool your jets. Just wait and see what happens.

Idle Passerby

He friended you on facebook, chatted with you there and asked for your number. That sounds positive to me! He could be biding his time to get in touch until he actually has something specific to say or a proposal to go out somewhere. If it was me Id rather a guy got in touch because he had something to say rather than just idle chit chat that leads no where.

If he doesn't get in touch, try not to take it too personally. He doesn't know you well enough at all to decide he has lost interest based on some facebook banter. Put it down to him just not being that great afterall.

And play it cool! People can smell it a mile off when others look for validation through some person they have just met. As someone above said, tell yourself "Im great, if people cant see that its their loss!"

Matteroffact

You need to give it a week before you start to get anxious. Not many will contact you in a day.