Stuck in a pretty rough position.

LegacyUser

Howye people just looking for some advice and for a way to just get all of this stuff out of my head and have intelligent people like yourselves analyse it because it just gets too confusing for me trying to do it on my own.

I'm still only a young lad, 17, and my girlfriend broke up with me back in may, she was my best friend before we got together, we'd been through it all together and i loved the girl to bits, i knew i was in the friendzone though and had no problem getting other girls so i didnt try and pursue her. Then she went away to australia for a month on holidays and for some reason we got so much closer even though she was on the other side of the world, we started saying we loved eachother and she said she kinda wanted me to be her boyfriend, so i asked her would she be my girlfriend and to think about it when she got home, the night she got home she rang me, said yes, it was an absolutely beautiful thing because in the back of my mind all i wanted for a long time was for her to be my girlfriend. It was the happiest moment of my life, i sat there shaking in excitement, couldnt wait to see her!

Time went by, we were pretty solid together, she always told me she loved me, i did the same, then out of nowhere i was picking up things in the conversation that sounded like she wasnt happy being in a relationship with me. Then that week she admited she wasnt happy, she said it wasnt my fault at all but that if she wasnt completely happy then she knew it wasnt meant to be, shes a very independent girl so i reckon thats a contributing factor to not wanting to be in a relationship anymore, she still says to this day that none of it was my fault and that it was all her, I'm still seriously confused about it and i get upset talking to mates about it. I'm still in love with her and shes still a close friend of mine like we make time for eachother and go to parties and all together and i brought her to the debs but she's just not interested in me whatsoever as far as being more than friends is concerned, i seriously do love this girl to bits and im so frustrated and confused about where we went wrong, i have texts on my phone from a week before we broke up where shes saying she loves me and that im amazing, then shes breaking up with me the week after. I've explained to her how much she meant to me and that i had genuine feelings for her and it wasnt just some stupid schoolboy crush but all she does is say sorry. She says she still loves me "as a person" whatever thats meant to mean but shes not in love with me.

I need to know how i can make this situation easier for myself, i cant push her out of my life and cut off contact because she's my best mate and easily the best friend i've ever had in my life but i hate having to watch lads trying to pull her in front of me, and i'm a bit of a hotheaded eejit so im inclined to snap very quickly at lads for stuff like that, i know how absolutely thick that is but i cant help it.

i'd seriously seriously appreciate any advice people

anything else you need to know in order to give advise just ask.

ShaShaBear

You need to explain to her that you still have deep feelings for her, and that remaining close and in contact is giving you false hope and hindering the healing process. Tell her you love her as a friend and don't want her out of your life, but you need space and distance in order to heal.

As you said yourself you have no problems getting girls so put those romantic feelings to good use and get back out on the dating scene! You might meet someone lovely who is more ready to commit at the same level you are and you'll find the feelings for your friend slowly begin to fade out. Make sure if you do get a new girlfriend that you are honest with them about who your friend is and what was between you at one point - most girls would feel a bit insecure about you hanging out with someone who broke your heart, but if you are honest from the start a mature girl will understand.

The main thing is that keeping in regular touch, meeting up and going out together is fine for her if she has no feelings for you, but her wanting to spend time with you and responding to your contact is going to do nothing short of increase your feelings for her. You can't start to get over her if you spend all that time around her and talking to her. If she cares for you she will understand that and support you, and if she is a true friend, she will still be there when you are ready.

_dublinlad_

First off, I think its very important to understand that its not important to know why she has lost interest. The fact is she has. Nothing constructive can come out of knowing the reasons or dwelling on the possible reasons. This (I know too well) is a hard one to do in practice, as your mind runs a muck looking for answers

Secondly, you need to step back from this girl now. I know you said she is your best friend, so this may be difficult. But it needs to be done. Stop being so available to her and start to build a life with out her always there, until you have fully got over her.

Thirdly, your 17!! Your world view on women is understandably limited. Wait till you start travelling and/or go to college and the world of the opposite sex will truly be opened up to you . In a few years from now you may have to pause for a moment or two to remember this girls name and you will have a rye smile on your face thinking back on how much this bothered you.

Monkey09

OP, first of all, I want to say that I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It really isn't a pleasant place to be.

The first thing I noted from your post is that you seem to be in very regular contact with this girl. This is something you need to change if you want to move on. I understand that there are probably going to be instances where you will bump into one another but you should avoid putting yourself in situations where you know she is going to be there, like those parties you mentioned. If there is a party that you absolutely have to go to, you should avoid her completely. I understand that this will be very tough initially, but it will get easier as time goes on and your desire to talk to her will begin to fade.

I know she is your best friend, but you have to force yourself to rely on other friends as your focus on her is preventing you from moving on.

You seem to be focusing a lot on her reasons for not wanting to be in relationship with you. By doing this, you are really only torturing yourself. Is there anything new you could try which would help occupy your time, like taking up a new interest or joining a club. This will help you to keep busy so she is not taking so much of your mental energy and it'll also help you to meet some new people. Who knows, you may even meet another girl that will want the same things as you do.

Good luck Op. Hope this advice will help you.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much people, it's so much easier to think about this stuff when I put it all out in front of me and have sensible heads like yourselves responding, my mates aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer so it's nearly impossible to have a conversation with them about how I feel. I really do appreciate your advise, I mean that.

I'm off to my first day of college tomorrow and onto a new chapter in life, I'll meet up with her this weekend and explain what I need to do to make things easier.

Hopefully I'll meet a few girls in college, that'd be ideal!! I'm always told that I'm too young to be in a serious relationship and all but bollocks to that because I don't remember ever hearing about love having an age restriction!

Anybody else with advise feel free to reply, I'm all ears, you've certainly lifted my mood anyway, this morning I just wanted to scream at the thoughts pf it all but I'm all smiles now

LegacyUser

Monkey09 wrote: »

OP, first of all, I want to say that I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It really isn't a pleasant place to be.

The first thing I noted from your post is that you seem to be in very regular contact with this girl. This is something you need to change if you want to move on. I understand that there are probably going to be instances where you will bump into one another but you should avoid putting yourself in situations where you know she is going to be there, like those parties you mentioned. If there is a party that you absolutely have to go to, you should avoid her completely. I understand that this will be very tough initially, but it will get easier as time goes on and your desire to talk to her will begin to fade.

I know she is your best friend, but you have to force yourself to rely on other friends as your focus on her is preventing you from moving on.

You seem to be focusing a lot on her reasons for not wanting to be in relationship with you. By doing this, you are really only torturing yourself. Is there anything new you could try which would help occupy your time, like taking up a new interest or joining a club. This will help you to keep busy so she is not taking so much of your mental energy and it'll also help you to meet some new people. Who knows, you may even meet another girl that will want the same things as you do.

Good luck Op. Hope this advice will help you.

You're completely right about the regular contact thing, we talk every day, only reason I haven't talked to her in a while is because I was at electric picnic for the weekend!

Just so happens there is something that will be occupying my time, I'm starting college tomorrow!! I'm hoping I meet some nice girls up there too that'd be absolutely ideal!

Thanks for your advice it's serious appreciated, you've no idea what it means to me, same to the rest of you, I can't reply individually because Im on mobile but really I do appreciate it.

Taltos

OP - as you are unregistered your posts have to be approved by a Mod. We are not always around so please have patience and don't keep posting the same thing over and over.

Thanks
Taltos

Monkey09

[ you've certainly lifted my mood anyway, this morning I just wanted to scream at the thoughts pf it all but I'm all smiles now [/QUOTE]

That's the spirit OP! Best of luck in college. It'll be the start of a brand new chapter for you and you'll get to know lots of new people. Enjoy!